A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey. I'm a little worried about my relationship with my mom. (mother to daughter). We used to be really close, and i would be able to tell her everything. I can't do that since I hit the teens and there are horrible fights every single day. Over half of those fights are about clothing and makeup. I've been the kind of girl who strives to look better each week, since in the past I wasn't so feminine and pretty. Now, people notice me and say I'm beautiful, but my mom hates it. Personally, I think she's jealous, but who knows. Usually I'll walk out with something simple like a nice halter top, skinny jeans and gladiator sandals, but i do my makeup pretty dark. i wear three dark shades of eye shadow around my top lid, line my eyes in black, make a cat eye in black, and wear deep red (almost a wine tone) lipstick. People say that I look haunting and beautiful, kinda like a vampire; mom thinks it looks gothic. I love it, she doesn't. It's black and it's white. How can I agree on something that benefits us both and cut down on fights?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2011): What I cannot figure out is why a pretty girl your age wants to walk around dressed up like an escort...
Your mother is trying to do you a favor. You don't need all that garbage to be beautiful.
A
female
reader, smiliek  +, writes (3 May 2011):
 When i was a teen my mum and i had huge fights but now we're stronger then ever. Your mum isn't jealous of you, she's worried about you. As a teen its so easy to fall into the wrong crowd and be hurt or hurt yourself by becoming addicted to substances or having bad relationships. It does sound to me like alot of makeup, but then i hardly wear any. Be careful that you aren't attracting the wrong kind of ppl that like your new look. True friends and boys who are worth it will love your natural look far more then being caked with makeup. I personally would tone it down a bit and experiment with a lighter more natural look. It sounds like you dress nicely and you can always do different hair styles etc to change it up a bit.
Talk to your mum. Tell her you understand she's worried. But if she has done a good job i would think you wouldn't compromise yourself with drugs or idiot boys. Reassure her that you wont go off the rails and prove that to her
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (3 May 2011):
When I was your age I looked like the fairy of death. I had blonde hair but everything else I wore was dark. And I was a fan of Victoria Frances before her work became famous. My parents hated the look I was sporting. They told me the makeup I was wearing would pollute my skin and that when I grew up I would no longer look pretty without it. At the time I just thought they were parents being parents. And for a part they were ofcourse.
I think your mom just has a hard time dealing with the fact her baby girl has changed so much and is using so much makeup. I think she's just worried. Trust me, parents don't get jealous of their children, not unless said child is chasing an olympic dream and even then it's more pride than jealousy. The parent-child relationship is different than what you have with your classmates and friends. They get jealous and they don't worry about you. Your mom does because she doesn't recognize this in herself and hopes you won't run with the wrong crowd and turn into an emo-drug addict. She doesn't have a reference point and it scares her, hence the arguments.
It took me a while to finally settle in my own style. I dyed my blonde locks black, fried my hair dyeing it back again, wore smokey eye to school instead of just during clubbing. I smoked pot, tried worse but in the end I turned out allright. But I know of people who got stuck living that lifestyle. They are the could-have-beens and their parents wonder what went wrong.
It's fine to experiment with your looks and style. That's part of growing up. But when you're caking on so much makeup that your clean face looks like a different person entirely, it's not strange your mother is against it.
Don't underestimate the number of teens that turn out as zeroes. Your mom hopes for the best but fears the worst. Don't ignore that or wave it off. Talk to her like an adult and try to find out why she thinks it's so bad. Often there's an underlying fear.
As for compromise, try to find a balance in your looks. For example, use only makeup that makes your eyes pop and use lipbalm on your lips. That way you still look feminine without overdoing it. You want to draw attention to only 1 feature on your face.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2011): Yeah, you are thirteen...really, I've been through this with three kids and have one more to go.It's what thirteen is, you have hormones raging and it's a difficult time for kids and their parents. Parents do what they do, when they are being cautious, because they care, and probably know a lot more shit than you can believe. I know that when I was 13 I didn't have a clue that people did the kind of crap to each other that they did.So, think a bit, and then listen to your mom a bit, and ask her a few questions without fighting. If you don't, you will get into deep shit, and it won't be your makeup or your hair or your halter top to blame. Just remember, there are guys out there that will be drawn to you, because you are young, "innocent", and attractive, and they won't all have the best motivation. Drugs and alcohol all make it easier to do what they want, so stay away from those two items, even marijuana.We had two completed abductions and rapes in my area of girls your age just in the last 2 weeks.I had this argument with my kids, I have three girls.They think we don't know what we are talking about, wanna do what they want, dress how they want, what's the harm. So, the kicker, we got out the big guns here, we sit them all down, and my wife tells her story: First attempt at rape by an older boy at 13 years of age, he came into her house (she lived in an upscale neighborhood on a lake), she was downstairs alone, dragged her into her bedroom, threw her down on the bed, and proceeded to rape her but was stopped by a chance visitor. Whew, that was close.But, when she was 16, she got raped, at 18 she was raped again. Widely different places, but she was pretty, alone, and not as alert as she should have been.Couldn't happen to you, right?Some older guy got his eyes onto my 14 year old daughter a couple of years ago, she's very pretty, like her mother. He was going to "do" her. We got him stopped cold, but we got lucky. Another guy, 26 years old, was after a friends very pretty and very noticeable 16 year old daughter, trying to get her to meet him somewhere away from everything. He was arrested and charged, but again, they got very lucky. Another friends 15-16 year old, tall, blond, was walking alone, someone knocked her unconscious and started to undress her, but a car came along and interrupted this, he ran away and couldn't be identified.My great-aunt was raped by a teacher at school when she was a young teen.Rape is not sex, is not fun, and is not the only problem, but girls who get into the wrong situations often get raped.When my wife was raped the second time, the guy laughed at her and told her "nobody will believe you anyway" after he was done. Guess what? He was right. She was told if she hadn't been beaten and hit in the head with an iron bar, she hadn't been raped.I worked with a woman who was raped, my brother's neighbor was raped in her apartment.Sound terrible? Yeah, it is. I really never thought I'd know someone who had been raped, when I was 20 years old. By 30 years of age I was shocked at how many women I knew who had been raped.Listen to your mom.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2011): you're way too young to be wearing clothes that skinny and makeup that caked on, in my opinion. these are the years in which your skin actually *is* pretty without makeup. why do you want to be fake??also... dressing like that, you may attract attention you do not want. read "Where are you going, Where have you been?" sometime. it's loosely based on a true story, and that kind of thing happens every day...
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 May 2011):
 She is not jelous of you, I guess she just doesnt want to see her little girl grow up to fast. It does sound to me like that is a lot of make up for someone to be wearing. I guess she just doesnt want people to think the wrong image about you. Believe me hunny sometimes less is more. I know you are only young and that you are still experimenting and finding yourself and that is normal growing up, I guess your mum just doesnt want you to grow up to fast, just remember you are still her little girl.
I guess maybe you could compromise by sitting down with her and telling her that you are experimenting and thats what all teenage girls do. Be an adult and maybe say to her that you will leave all the make up until maybe special occasions and that you will tone it down on a regular basis.
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