A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I honestly feel like I'm going no where in life. I am turning 18 this year, and for the past five years, all I've wanted was this. But now that I'm finally becoming a young adult, I feel like I've accomplished nothing and have no idea of what I want to do with my life.I was accepted to a very far away state college, but due to my mother's pleading and my family in general, I enrolled myself into a community college. Even so, I feel myself slipping from high school. I've missed two weeks last semester straight due to an illness (probably caused by depression, it just makes me feel so lethargic/weak) and a new semester started Monday. I haven't gone to school since then due to family problems (my sister is in Dubai because her husband is injured, so I babysat.)So, I'm a senior in high school, and I'll be graduating in two months, but things are just going downhill. I know I can try to do the make up work, but there's nothing pushing me to do so. I'm going to a community college and I don't even know what I want to do with my life.I feel like a failure. I was a 4.0 GPA student once, but this year I received my first 1.0. I can't particularly talk to a counselor either and explain to them my family problems / depression, simply because I don't want them interfering with my life by calling the cops or w/e.I have an autistic nephew enrolled in special ed, and I need to skip school occasionally to drop him off and pick him up at school. I also have to take him to his therapy sessions (he had gullain-barre, so he needs physical therapy. also he's mentally behind 1-2 years.)If he misses any of that, his father could demand custody right away. He and my sister are divorced. (the new husband is in dubai.)I can't ask my mom much either. She works a ton and her job is our main source of income. We barely scrap to make the monthly rent as it is.I'm failing high school, I'm only two months away from graduating, I'm missing a few credits (only four or so) and I honestly feel completely lost.Sometimes I feel like this way of thinking deteriorates my relationships with other people. I never talk to my mom anymore, my only two friends rarely see me because I haven't shown up to class, my father's been dead, and although I have a wonderful boyfriend whom I love very much, he lives too far away (it's an LDR) to do anything.Please help me. I'm really just sulking now.Did you have any similar problems when you were a teenager? How did you over come it? Is this a stage that I'll go through and learn from?I don't want to keep feeling like this anymore.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (15 April 2011):
Hey there,
I know this is going to sound cliche but I've been through the same. I also had to take up a lot of responsibility at a young age because of ill family members, etc. And I never knew what I wanted to do with my life, so I just enrolled in the first course that sounded okay and did that. I'm 23 now and finally getting my life on track.
If I learned anything, it's that if you don't take the time to figure out what you want, you're going to pay for it by wasting much more time doing things you don't want. I wasted 4 years in college getting a degree for something I knew almost from the start I wasn't suitable for. But it felt like wasted time if I didn't finish it, so I did. Now I'm 1 year away from getting my second degree but damn if I didn't wish I did that from the start.
I know 18 seems to be the magical age where you're BAM suddenly an adult and you have to BE somebody. Throw that image away. According to recent studies the average person doesn't know what they want until they've reached the merry age of 22. Hell your brain hasn't fully developed yet until you reach 25. So relax and use your youth to your advantage. I know you've enrolled in community college nearby but that won't start until after the summer, so you've got some time to figure out if that's what you really want. And have the strength to chase after that instead of trying to please people around you.
I know you're tied down to many responsibilities, but you ARE entitled to your own freedom. Your family has made their own choices so it's not fair if they let you deal with the consequences. They need to realize that adulthood also means you're going to move out one day, away from them.
When I was 19 I desperately wanted to move out because my parents had heaped all this responsibility on my shoulders. I have an autistic twin brother whom I (what a coincidence haha) also needed to drop off to sessions he had to attend, etc. My mom has MS so I did all the housekeeping and cooked every day. I barely had time for homework and sports. I barely had a social life, because if I went to a fried after school my dad would blame me for not being there for my mom.
After a while I said: "I want to travel. I want to do things I can't when I settle down and start my own family. What would you have done if instead of twins you'd only have my brother? Who'd have picked up the slack then? I don't want to roll from one responsibility into the next. I want to live my own life.
Let me live it."
It took some time but eventually my parents realized what had happened--that they used me as their safety net. Right now I attend the college I WANT to attend. I've gone on an internship to London. I go to friends when I want to. Sure, I do still help out. But I'm not the axis anymore.
Talk to your parents and sister. Write a letter if talking doesn't work. And start concentrating on your future. What do you want to be? If you get your freedom your grades will get higher too. Right know you're reigned in too much.
I hope this helps. Let me know how it goes!
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