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age
36-40,
*
writes: Hi. I'm a woman in my mid 20s and I don't enjoy sex with men unless they are performing oral sex. I've tried everything I could think of, but the only way I experience pleasure instead of apathy is through receiving oral sex. I'm really just not comfortable with a penis once it penetrates.The men I've dated are not supportive of this, and I understand they have their own needs.I'm well aware that what I enjoy is a very popular method for lesbian women to experience sex. I'm just not attracted to women.I have no idea what any of this means. How can I only sexually enjoy what is essentially lesbian sex, but only be attracted to men? Does anyone else have this problem?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): Honey, That's called a lesbian.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): Its possible youre not getting enough arousal before penetration... do these guys kiss you? Take their time? Foreplay is a big piece to successful, pleasurable sex. One time on a woman I went "around the world" on her.. I just had the lights dark in the room and her naked on the bed tummy down. I kissed her head to toe all over her body... then flipped her over like a banana pancake lol and did the same thing, taking my time on seriously every inch of her body just kissing her and licking her... and then we I got to down there she was ready for me and that took not even 15 minutes. She was really wet lol... and Ill say I got a confidence boost with the outcome:) Men need to be more passionate with women these days and take care of them first in the bedroom... i love pleasing a woman and so thats what I do. Men can be selfish and just wanna get it done or whatever and not care about a woman's needs. Perhaps youre just with the wrong guys and need to mmm maybe look for a mommas boy, someone who was raised mainly by their mom so theyre a little bit more sensitive to a womans needs and feelings. Maybe poor advice here however I have good intention. Best on this.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (10 May 2011):
 Perhaps it is a matter of the "order" in which an evening of sexual activity progresses. For more years than I've cared to divulge sometimes, I've been reasonably successful pleasing women by approaching each effort with a lover or wife (not concurrent) somewhat methodically. While methodical, I strive to keep it as natural, affectionate and unscientific as possible, although there IS a system to it.
Since the man is typically in the driver's seat, so to speak (though not always), my "system" simply follows one rule: Please HER first. This is always accomplished as you have inferred, via cunnilingus (oral sex).
The truth is that few women really get all that excited about abrupt penile penetration, typically preceded by little or no amorous arousal. Rarely does such self-serving attitude by male partners, seemingly in some head-long compulsion to just "stick-it-in and get off," succeed in pleasuring a woman.
Women need substantial arousal. She must be warmed-up, much like an older model sports car (sorry, I owned a few). Well, it's late and I have written on this subject extensively (many submissions in the archives). You can begin by searching "double m on cunnilingus."
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): Are you emotionally uncomfortable or in physical pain?
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (10 May 2011):
It could be that your vagina is too tight. Do you experience problems inserting tampons as well? This could pinpoint to stress (involuntarily tensing your muscles which makes penetration painful) or your vagina is literally to tight (your hymen won't budge). If the latter is the case it can be operated upon (15 minute surgery, nothing really invasive). Either way, I would see a doctor or a gynecologist to make sure.
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