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A devastating break-up with a bi-polar woman sparked my current fascination with psychology, mind-games, intentions and everything the quirky fandango that is "relationships" entails. I'm a bit of an over-thinker, enjoy playful disagreements just for interesting conversation and will speak my mind on this site whether you like what I have to say or not.
I don't offer advice, just my opinion and right, wrong or deluded, I'll give you my opinion whether you're 13 or 70...
I know all too well that love can blind you, but the agony aunts can help you see things clearly, however there's no guarantee that you'll like what you see...
So will you take the red pill or the blue pill...?
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| Latest articles: An opportunity to say hello to all the long term Aunts and Uncles and an update
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2016: Its been a long time since logging in here, regrettably I do so now to procrastinate an assignment... But hey! lets not let that small detail belittle the moment ;) I'd like to say a big thank you to anyone who is still here from back in the day....
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Should you be with someone who doesn't love you?
Q. I'm on/off with my ex at the moment, i won't go into details. We have been together for about a year (although not at the moment), but as I am away at university the relationship is a bit strained as we didnt get a chance to see eachother that ...
A. 6 November 2010: Well that's a tricky one. You shouldn't be with someone who doesn't love you... of course not, that's a no-brainer... But here's the thing, how long has it been since you said that you loved him? A few days? Not everybody says "I love you" at the ... (read in full...)
How do I get to be drop dead sexy?
Q. How does a guy create the underlying feeling that he is sexy/attractive to women? By underlying, I mean the type of feeling that comes before thought. The type of feeling you have automatically whenever you perceive something, but haven't made a ...
A. 6 November 2010: Sounds like you're talking more about your first impression.
If that's the case- your body language, clothes, personal grooming, smile, eye contact and how a girl sees you interact with others- are the most important things to work on. ... (read in full...)
Ex teacher - does he want a relationship with me?
Q. well, my ex-teacher is about 20 years older than me... we always had a good relationship, ever since my dad died he has been there for me. he had a reputation of being a 'pervert', but he's not one of those creeps because he's really handsome (he ...
A. 6 November 2010: No good can come from contacting him.... (read in full...)
I want my girl back!! I'm shattered
Q. Hello, I am 22 years old and was in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 2 years roughly. we both loved each other like crazy. I would literally spend at least 12-13 hours of the day with her. We are both university students and go...
A. 6 November 2010: She knows you want her back... continuously trying to win her back seems more likely to push her away than draw her back to you at this point. I'd give her space, keep yourself busy- maybe even try dating other girls and try to move on with your ... (read in full...)
Should I phone her and explain myself?
Q. PLEASE REPLY SOON! Well I went to a party back in May, and started to talk to this girl that I had briefly met before, and we sort of acted as if we were going out(SHE kissed ME etc), but neither of us asked eachother out, and I left the party and ...
A. 6 November 2010: If she wasn't at least somewhat interested then she wouldn't have called you... Ring her dude :)... (read in full...)
Guys, would this put you off?
Q. Question mainly for the guys but general opinion as well. If a girl who has never had a boyfriend and is in her late 20's, very quiet and shy, just goes to work and it easy going and doesn't have any real friends like from school or work would th...
A. 5 November 2010: Yeh it certainly could, but really depends- if she's a great person and I think that her lack of experience/friends is unjustified then I might view her more as a diamond that just slipped through the cracks. ... (read in full...)
I feel like if I don’t give him what he wants sexually, he wont treat me right
Q. I have been with my husband for 6 years now, since we were 16. We have always has a good relationship but we have some major issues. I love him so much and will never give up on him. He has anger issues and trust issues. I admit that I did do ...
A. 5 November 2010: No offense, but why are you still with this utter douchebag? ... (read in full...)
He is abusive and neglectful, skips work and is attached to his computer. What kind of man is this?
Q. I have been with a man for close to 3 years after his divorce in 2008. He started to become violent but yet abusive in his own way towards me. I ignored all signs and continue the relationship. We moved in together and I began to see he was attached ...
A. 4 November 2010: A cheater?... (read in full...)
How important are blow jobs in a relationship?
Q. Gentlemen, Guys, thank you for your time. Thesis research your age/months-years in relationship, please. On a scale of 1 to 10 how important are blowjobs in a serious relationship? Is it preferred to regular sex? Do you consider it an act of love ...
A. 4 November 2010: Importance = 10. If only for 20 seconds as foreplay- but I've never cum from a blow-job yet so its less about duration and more just a turn on... A bit worried that if I ever do cum from a BJ that I'll be the one getting on my knees and proposing ... (read in full...)
She's giving me an ultimatum... drop my friend or she's leaving me!
Q. So, there was this girl I used to have a fling with. However nothing ever became of it, we started dating different people but she is still one of my best friends. That was two years ago. Currently I'm dating this girl, and have been for a few ...
A. 4 November 2010: If I were in this situation personally, I'd tell the girlfriend to walk without a second thought. Girlfriends come and go- best friends you should hold onto... plus if she was "the one" for me then she wouldn't make an issue out of eliminating ... (read in full...)
Does he mention her name because he likes her, or just for a reaction from me?
Q. Hi all, I hope someone can help with this! There's a guy I work with and I am very attracted to him, in fact we have had quite a few moments where there is strong chemistry in the air and this seems to be constant lately, we can't seem t...
A. 3 November 2010: Its too hard to tell with any great amount of certainty. You're really going to have to trust your gut on this one because his body language is whats going to give you the best idea of who he likes- at least in this case where he could be dropping ... (read in full...)
Should I be worried he thinks another girl is fit or is he just being a boy?
Q. I read a text on my bfs phone [I know I shouldn't have] and it was talking with his male friend from college about this fit girl from their college [I go to a different college to him] and my bf was agreeing she was fit etc. Should I be worried or ...
A. 3 November 2010: That's just guy talk. Dun stress.... (read in full...)
Ladies and Men. How important is love to you...and is it worth fighting for?
Q. Ladies and men...have you ever fought for the one you loved even if they were in another relationship? If so, how did it turn out? I ask because I am currently in that situation. Some may think I am crazy, but would you really let the one you ...
A. 3 November 2010: You can't seriously think that a guy who is in a relationship would love you as much as you love him if he's still in it. If he respected you or loved you more than his girlfriend then he would leave her for you. Period. (though admittedly- kids ... (read in full...)
Am I asking too much? He barely touches me and wont consider oral because of a bad experience with his ex!
Q. Hello, Well I'm 20 years old and i have been with my boyfriend for little under a year, i love him so much and i know he dose me but he never goes down on me and hardly touches me down their. It has gotten to the point that i like being on my peri...
A. 3 November 2010: What a selfish pr*ck... ... (read in full...)
He is getting me a sexy outfit from an adult store for my birthday present, despite knowing how I feel about this! What should I do about this?
Q. My birthday is coming up soon and ill be 21 I asked my boyfriend what he was getting me for my birthday he told me it was from a (Adult store) and he wouldint tell me anything else. Even tho i asked him not to get me a sexy costume! I recen...
A. 3 November 2010: Eyeswideopen your husband is brilliant!! lol... (read in full...)
I've been waiting for him for 5 years but found out he had remarried while I was waiting!
Q. I have been dating this man for a total of 5 yrs, I met him while he was in the process of divorcing and we have been together ever since. This june I called his cell phone and a woman answered and I asked for him and she told me he was sleeping and ...
A. 3 November 2010: He can buy you a custom ring but he hasn't enough money to move out...
C'mon, snap out of it!... (read in full...)
For the girls: Would you dump your boyfriend if you found out he was a 25 year old virgin?
Q. This question mainly applies to women but I was wondering if you would dump your boyfriend if he told you one day that he was a virgin and that he was over the age of 25 (I'm 23 but considering the worst case scenario for me). I could have lost it ...
A. 3 November 2010: I didn't say anything about lying, nor am I saying to tell somebody immediately after sleeping together, I'm just saying that its not really anybodies business. ... (read in full...)
Why does it seem like he doesn't know how lucky he is to have me?
Q. I've been in a relationship for a year and 4 months now. I love him, he loves me. We tell each other this regularly and do little things to show we care (he folds my laundry, I cook him breakfast, etc.) But honestly, I feel like I do those th...
A. 3 November 2010: Just talk to him! He's not a mind-reader, he doesn't know that what he's doing is inadequate for you, nor that you're keeping score in a tit-for-tat thoughtful gesture competition.
Why would he think something was wrong when you keep doing 3 tits... (read in full...)
I am in a committed relationship but there have been so many other guys, have I done something wrong or has the situation caused me to act this way?
Q. i am typing this question as i couldn't find a proper answer,plz somebody help me. i am in a commited long distance relationship since 1 year 4 months.i have messed up very badly.i really love my bf and even he loves me a lot but now i have created ...
A. 3 November 2010: What the?! Jeez, just stay away from both of them, neither of them is good news. Rahul will not kill himself- and its hard to believe that he loves you when he's emotionally blackmailing you... not to mention he's a teenage boy and you keep ... (read in full...)
Can anyone help with the issues I am having in my relationship?
Q. I am a 24 year old woman who has been in relationship with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years. We live together, share finances, pets everything! But over the past year we have had sex less than 5 times, don't even kiss apart from on the cheek and hug ...
A. 3 November 2010: He's getting ready to fly the coop in my opinion.
That's what happens when you neglect the romance/sex/affection aspect in a long term relationship... You both got too comfortable and sound more like roommates than lovers. Good chance you can ... (read in full...)
For the girls: Would you dump your boyfriend if you found out he was a 25 year old virgin?
Q. This question mainly applies to women but I was wondering if you would dump your boyfriend if he told you one day that he was a virgin and that he was over the age of 25 (I'm 23 but considering the worst case scenario for me). I could have lost it ...
A. 3 November 2010: You could always just tell your future girlfriend after you've actually slept together... ... (read in full...)
He told me part of him wants to be with me, but the other part wants to give the mother of his child another chance!
Q. my boyfriend txt me and letting me know that part of him wants to be with me, and part of him feels like he needs to give his daughter's mom a chance together, and yet his saying he just letting me know and he doesnt know what his going to do yet ...
A. 3 November 2010: Give the guy a break- at least he's was honest and let her know what he's actually feeling...
He could easily have just left out of the blue, could have come home with the house emptied and him living with his ex with no warning so don't make him ... (read in full...)
He's not maintain an erection during foreplay?
Q. when me and my boyfriend are doing foreplay i seem to get confused. we'll start off kissing, then he'll pleasure me. while doing this ill be 'touching' him but hes floppy?ill give him oral(after getting him hard again).....he wont let me do it long ...
A. 3 November 2010: Being turned on and being erect = two different things. You can be turned on but not erect- (eg. under the influence of drugs/alcohol), erect but not turned on (eg. waking up with "morning wood") but ideally both at the same time :)
If you don'... (read in full...)
The process of (LDBI)
Q. This article consists of four simple words, Love, despair, broken, and incomplete. In other words the process of LDBI. Everyone goes through this process atleast once in their life, maybe more. Let me explain this process to you in greater detail. L...
A. 3 November 2010: Sounds similar to the 5 stages of grief by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross:
1. Denial – The "No, not me" stage.
2. Anger/Resentment – The "Why me?" stage.
3. Bargaining – The "If I do this, you'll do that" stage.
4. Depression- The "It's really hap... (read in full...)
How can I feel confident when guys clearly want something I'm not?
Q. I find it very hard to feel confident in myself. I can't help but notice that most guys my age (and even older, who you'd think would be more mature) think that plastic, fake looking women are "perfect". I see it countless times on Facebook, blogs, ...
A. 3 November 2010: As far as looks go- yeh, having a pretty girlfriend to show off to everyone is a tick in the "plus" column... but whats with your obsession about "perfect" looks. Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder and one mans trash really is another mans ... (read in full...)
Cheating but its not all about sex
Q. i'm married and so is he but we have been seeing each other for 4yrs i dont think its all about sex cause a lot of time we can stay together and do nothing i just want to know can this man have feelings for me and do he even care about me but we ...
A. 2 November 2010: He's right where he wants to be.
If he cared about you or loved you, he would have said something in 4 years- he certainly wouldn't be happy with you still being with your husband if it was more than just sex.
He may care for you as a fri... (read in full...)
How can I feel confident when guys clearly want something I'm not?
Q. I find it very hard to feel confident in myself. I can't help but notice that most guys my age (and even older, who you'd think would be more mature) think that plastic, fake looking women are "perfect". I see it countless times on Facebook, blogs, ...
A. 2 November 2010: Brilliant post by cerberus!
As for breast implants- they really are losing their appeal for many... even many celebrities are following suit and getting them removed or made smaller. So where pamela anderson from baywatch led the whole "big and... (read in full...)
Is he gay or just really nice?
Q. So i've just recently met this guy whos friends with one of my friends. At first i just thought "cute", but then i talked to him and now i can't stop thinking about him. When he left i turned to one of my friends and was instantly saying "Wow, he...
A. 1 November 2010: Well if you're confused, we can only guess...
I... you know what, I'm not entirely sure. I'm kinda leaning towards him not being gay, but I think the best way for you to find out would be to try to find out if he's dated many/if any girls in... (read in full...)
Is he testing the waters or am I seeing things?
Q. Ok I am happily married for 10 years and have recently developed feelings for my new friends husband. It is really throwing me for a loop because I know how irrational this is and that I am 100% infatuated with this man and nothing else! He brings ...
A. 1 November 2010: Well you're not seeing things- he's definitely flirting with you, but he sounds like the kind of guy who uses flirting like it's just general conversation. The fact that he's willing to do it in such an open setting and in front of his wife doesn't ... (read in full...)
He gave me his cell number, does he like me?
Q. I talk with this guy at my work sometimes. I asked him for his cell number and he gave it to me. Do you think he likes me? Or does he just like me as a friend. Should I text him? He hasn't texted met yet :(....
A. 1 November 2010: Its not his unofficial duty to contact you first if YOU asked him for HIS number... you wanted to contact you, here's your chance :)... (read in full...)
What should a girl do in this situation of flirting with her friend's boyfriend?
Q. Situation: Girl A has a boyfriend. Her friend Girl B "heavily flirts" with Girl A's boyfriend a couple of times, whilst talking online. The boyfriend breaks up with Girl A shortly after this [not due to the flirting, just for some other reason]. ...
A. 1 November 2010: I'd leave it in the past if it truly wasn't the reason for the break up.
Just as long as a valuable lesson has been learned.... (read in full...)
How can I break his heart in a nice way?
Q. Hey guys im kind of new at this thing but i really need an outside perspective. I am a 16 year girl who's in love with a 22yr guy. We met online, never met, but we've been talking for 3 months +. Obviously he doesn't know my real age, he thinks I'm ...
A. 1 November 2010: You can't. But make it a clean break, as in once you've told him its over and given him a bit of closure perhaps- no more contact. Delete his contact details, block all lines of contact. Be firm, don't give him false hope and don't buckle in to ... (read in full...)
What does"I don't want to hurt you" mean?
Q. Ok so I really don't understand how stupid,yes stupid,guys can be. So about two days ago my boyfriend texts me saying "Hey,lets just be friends" my heart immediately sank and I texted him back asking why. His respong?... "I don't want to hurt you." ...
A. 1 November 2010: It certainly doesn't suggest that he has cheated... I've said it before when I thought a girl was more "into" me than I was her, she was more focused on a serious future together and I wasn't. I would have been happy just fooling around with her ... (read in full...)
Can a gift get an ex back?
Q. Do men really care if you put a lot of thought into a gift for them or not? i bought my then boyfriend a vintage concert t-shirt to replace the one he got destroyed and had to give it to him after we broke up cause i don't need it... He was ...
A. 1 November 2010: Anythings possible, but don't get your hopes up based on that alone. Though if you're planning to try to win him back- maybe you should strike while the poker is still hot..... (read in full...)
By the hair of my chinny chin chin...
Q. hi my question is a quick one, im dating a smart beautiful girl whos been great so far and i have nothing bad to say about her, theres just one thing that bugs me - every time im with her, she has a few hairs on her chin and i just dont have to ...
A. 1 November 2010: Hah, I told a girl I dated when I was 14 that she had a moustache... kinda as a half joke but with a kernal of truth to it.
If looks could kill!! But she must have ended up taking it to heart as the very fine lip hair, (damn near unnotice... (read in full...)
Is she growing fed up of me?
Q. I'm in a long distance relationship right now. I Love my girlfriend deeply and care about her very much and think about her all the time. I've sent letters to her, and she knows how much i feel for her. She was recently up here from mexico for two ...
A. 1 November 2010: I think you need to take a step back, take a deep breath and just relax. You only just started dating, try not to be so focused on a possible future/marriage etc. with her or you may come across as needy... try to just enjoy the moment and have ... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend keep looking at porn???
Q. I've caught my boyfriend for the second time looking at porn and masturbating over it. I hate the thought of my boyfriend looking at other naked girls on the internet and wanking off to them. Iv been seeing him for just over 2 years and its ...
A. 1 November 2010: There's not really a lot you can do. If he feels you're trying to control him he may just be more secretive about it, (for some women the lying and deception can be worse). Try to call him on it by showing him the internet history and he'll get ... (read in full...)
Why is it so difficult to find a really nice and honest man?
Q. I'm a 39 year old single mom with 2 kids. I've been single for almost 4 years now. Of course my kids mean the whole world to me, but at times I do need someone for intimate moments, to share the good and bad times together, to talk about everything ...
A. 1 November 2010: Plenty of nice and honest guys out there... but as griffo asked- what other qualities are you looking for? Specifically ones that you may be turning these guys away for not having?
I'm yet to use a dating site, but I imagine it to be harder t... (read in full...)
I'm trying to think of a way to get really good revenge on my ex
Q. I hate my ex girlfriend. And I can't stop thinking about getting revenge on her. First I will give you some background on the situation. My girlfriend and I dated for 3 years. The last year we lived together. When we didn't live together I thought ...
A. 1 November 2010: A stamp collection and books... sound very flammable to me.
Could explain why she refuses to give them back perhaps?... (read in full...)
Why buy the cow when the milk is free???
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year and things are really good. We've discussed where we see our relationship going and we both agree on marriage in the short term future (say next 4 years). We've also talked about living together and ...
A. 1 November 2010: There'll always be different opinions on that idea. Whether for religious reasons or not, I imagine that first living together after marriage would make the whole experience more exciting and special. The wedding wouldn't be so much about the ... (read in full...)
Should I hang in there? I don't want to be played games with...
Q. I met a man at church and he will wink at me and we always look into each other eyes. last sunday i went up to him while he was sitting down and said good morning to him. he had a big smile on his face and he pulled my head down next to his. after ...
A. 1 November 2010: You may think you've done enough to show him you're interested simply by going up to him, but he may need more than that to convince him that you're keen... Don't forget- this guy has clearly been out of the dating game for a LONG time! Skills in ... (read in full...)
Should I hang in there? I don't want to be played games with...
Q. I met a man at church and he will wink at me and we always look into each other eyes. last sunday i went up to him while he was sitting down and said good morning to him. he had a big smile on his face and he pulled my head down next to his. after ...
A. 31 October 2010: Well if you're going to wait around for him to make a move, at least give him a more concrete sign that you're interested. A green light for him that its ok to get closer to you basically...... (read in full...)
I'm trying to think of a way to get really good revenge on my ex
Q. I hate my ex girlfriend. And I can't stop thinking about getting revenge on her. First I will give you some background on the situation. My girlfriend and I dated for 3 years. The last year we lived together. When we didn't live together I thought ...
A. 31 October 2010: This is a battle you can't win... if she can conjure up and actually believe that you're cheating on her from a "happy birthday" msg then of course she's going to think you're responsible for anything that she could consider to be "revenge". From ... (read in full...)
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