A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a long distance relationship right now. I Love my girlfriend deeply and care about her very much and think about her all the time. I've sent letters to her, and she knows how much i feel for her. She was recently up here from mexico for two weeks . And during those two weeks i put a promise ring on her hand. And we became boyfriend and girl friend. After she left to go back to her home city, we vowed to text and talk every night. And when she left , every night we were really good at talking and telling each other of ones feelings and such. We are talking of marriage and spending our lives with one another also. Lately she has seemed distant though and choppy at talking to me. In her text messeges to me, she will always say she loves me and says things like that, just lately she seems to be really busy. And when we are supposed to talk on phone, something happens at her end to where we have to take a rain check. I love this woman, and vowed from day one that i will go through anything to be with her and i mean it with all my heart. My friends have told me the best thing i can do is give her space and let her chase me, seeing that ive been doing all the chasing and calling and letters, and she told me that if i ever make her uncomfy or suffocate her, that she will tell me. She hasnt said anything yet, but my friends think i should lay off a bit. Please tell me your thoughts on why she seems distant lately to me, but says she loves me. Part of me feels like she doesnt feel the same as i feel towards her, and my friends tell me that i put way more into this relationship. Please tell me your thoughts on all of this, because i really love this woman and we are talking of marriage, i just need to know why she seems this way. Thank you.
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female
reader, dreamingbella  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 I agreed with the previous readers' answers! They've given you a good point of view which means you should give both more space to breathe. I used to rush it on. But now i'm chilling out my lifetime everyday and enjoying it so far. Once you rush it on, you'll lose the moments right now and even worse it'd push you two far apart.
Be flexible with the future. Who knows what would happen tomorrow. Everything's changing everyday even yourself! So don't push everything going on your way. Let follow it nicely. And for sure if you both were made for each other, no obstacle could prevent your way.
On the other hand, i do agree with the first answer. Once that person loves you, she would make time for you but that doesn't mean she stops working, stops going out with her mates and only spends time with you. My advice is get the balance, both of you two!
Finally, good luck to you both!
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 I think you need to take a step back, take a deep breath and just relax. You only just started dating, try not to be so focused on a possible future/marriage etc. with her or you may come across as needy... try to just enjoy the moment and have fun!! Stop over-thinking every deviation from her normal behavior.. if you can't and you need constant reassurance from her then you probably shouldn't be in a long distance relationship to begin with...
Just remember- Life's a journey, not a destination... and right now you're sounding like the kid in the back seat who's whining "Are WE THERE YET??"
Just enjoy the moment bro :)
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A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (1 November 2010):
Definitely back off. It is hard to tell someone they are smothering you. You have to pay attiention to the signs. Just let her contact you. After about a five days of letting her initiate contact then make it 50/50. She call you one day, you call her the next etc. Trust me, sometimes when you are so in love you can become selfish without knowing it and not giving someone space is satisfying your own need to feel loved not to give it. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Nouvelle32 +, writes (1 November 2010):
To be quite honest, if you are asking these types of questions on an internet site, then could this really be the one for you? Real and lasting relationships begin with good communication. I hate to tell you this, but it doesn't sound good. First of all LDR rarely work out... I know first hand because I have had one with a guy I lived with for 10 months, he moved somewhere and promised he would come back and marry me and then I never saw him again. We were together for 4 months after he moved away and I went to visit him but he never came to visit me... he was in Germany. Secondly, and this is important: If someone makes you an important priority in their lives (like it sounds to me you are making her).. they will MAKE TIME FOR YOU NO MATTER WHAT. I don't care how hard I was working or if I lost my cell phone and had to walk miles and miles to a pay phone just to explain to my love that the reason I didn't call was because I lost my phone... I would do it. When you love someone the way you are supposed to, you make them a priority, you make the time... so if this person is not making you a priority, then why are you making them one? I know it's easier said than done, but this is coming from someone who loves ppl. very much and has been crapped on repeatedly by ppl. who didn't deserve my love. Find someone who loves you as much as you love them... I hope this helps! :-)
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