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Is he gay or just really nice?

Tagged as: Friends, Gay relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 November 2010) 3 Answers - (Newest, 1 November 2010)
A male Ireland age 30-35, *osmiccolm writes:

So i've just recently met this guy whos friends with one of my friends. At first i just thought "cute", but then i talked to him and now i can't stop thinking about him.

When he left i turned to one of my friends and was instantly saying "Wow, he's hot!" just as she asked if he was gay.

He acts pretty straight, and likes football. I know thats sterotyping but still. We sat talking, and i was showing him videos and he was telling the girls to shut up pretty aggressively. My friend was saying he seemed pretty interested in me, and was she said he seemed to be constantly trying to keep my attention and she felt something between us.

He likes going to gay bars, and he went out on the city with friends and went to more gay bars, and i sussed out that the girl hes always with isn't his girlfriend. Although he was asked and he said he wasn't. And last night on Halloween i was saying to him about going and he was up for it. But then my friend asked if he was gay and he came up to me and said "Everyone thinks im gay cause of you" but not in a cheeky way, he was kind of smiling about it. He never talks about girls hes going with or anything at all.

I sometimes think i see him staring at me more usual than someone does. The reason that makes me think he isn't gay is because he likes the gay scene. If he was gay he wouldn't want to be associated with anything gay. But if your going out, you kind of want to go out to "pull" if your a boy? Unless your only interested in the girl whos already with you.

At first last night he didn't seem interested and we only talked like friends and not often, and he was walking around with his friends more. If i liked someone i'd usually want to be around them like i do with him. But he came over to us when we were standing around, to get us to follow him. I dunno if it was cause of me or cause of my friend louise was there.

He's very against homophobia as hes training for to be a teacher, and hes atheist which makes me wonder if its just general opinion or if its because of religion against homophobia.

I really don't know if hes gay or just well mannered and it's driving me insane. The only thing i can really go on is how my friend said that he talked to her boyfriend but "He just seems more interested than you, and just seeemed to want to get to know you compared to anyone else".

He's 24. I'm sure he'd be out by then if he was going on the gay scene.

Should i just try and let go and stop pretending to myself, or is he?

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A male reader, Boonridge McPhalify United Kingdom +, writes (1 November 2010):

Boonridge McPhalify agony auntplease just ask him directly, if you dont you will never know. most of what you wrote was confusing and the only way to clarify is not through speculation but through direct action- ask him!

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A male reader, Olopocram France +, writes (1 November 2010):

I take it *you* are gay.

If this guy is so nice, so understanding, so much against homophobia, etc. why don't you come out to him ?

Find a way to let him know you're gay (if he doesn't already know) and see his reaction. At worst he will find a nice way of letting you know that he's not, or that you're not his type. At best...

Good luck.

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A male reader, Jmtmj Australia +, writes (1 November 2010):

Jmtmj agony auntWell if you're confused, we can only guess...

I... you know what, I'm not entirely sure. I'm kinda leaning towards him not being gay, but I think the best way for you to find out would be to try to find out if he's dated many/if any girls in the past and for very long.

Goodluck!

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