A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,Well I'm 20 years old and i have been with my boyfriend for little under a year, i love him so much and i know he dose me but he never goes down on me and hardly touches me down their. It has gotten to the point that i like being on my period as i don't/cant feel rejected sexually.I'm forever touching him and giving him oral and i don't mind, i love doing it to him, just seeing how much he enjoys it turns me on, to me doing that is like a form of foreplay. I even let him cum in my mouth and over my face and body... I don't mind my body at all its a turn on but the face and mouth are things that i can live without, i do it purely for him as i know i likes it and as he dose well... i don't mind.The problem is be dose hardly nothing to me. He sometimes rubs me down their for like 30 secs and even that is over my underwear. He has only gone under a handful of times in our relationship and when i asked if he would do it more before we actually have sex he said 'Why should he' and brought up that his ex's was satisfied with what he was doing and they never complained. Sometimes i feel like i am asking to much.Hes never gone down their with his mouth before and i have never had it done, not even once (hes my first sexual partner) Its something that i want to experience and he said that he would do it as long as i am clean... I am very clean down their and even he says i have no odor. He said he would after i had a shower and so i sometimes would get straight out of a shower and go and sit on the bed naked to dry off but he dose nothing. Now i rush i to get dry, that way again i don't feel rejected. I think he just doesn't want to do it but doesn't want to tell me. I hate it. It makes me feel like their is something wrong with me. Like he their is something that he doesn't like about me that turns him off, He said that try-ed it with his ex once for the first time and the smell and taste make him want to be sick and he said never again. But i don't think that is fair. I'm not just on about the oral. I would like him to try at least once and if he don't like it well their is nothing i can do but i don't understand why he doesn't feel thee need or want to touch me... The touching part is the main problem. He also said that as he had a porn addition that all the foreplay stuff he's just not into and it dose nothing for him anymore as he wanked to it that much thats its nothing now.I stopped giving him oral for a while but i know how much he likes it also i love giving to him and i feel bad as I'm not only out of spite so i gave in and am starting to go back to what i was like before... And trust me no guy would complain. I'm open to anything if said he wanted something (within reason) and i was able to do it I'd try it no matter what as i want to please him in every way that i can.I'm not even sure if i want him to do anything anymore as it feels that i pressure him to and thats the last thing that i want. How can i enjoy something that i know he isn't enjoying doing? I just don't know what to do... And comments would me greatly appreciated...And thank you for reading to the end, sorry for it being too long, think i was venting a little... :) xx
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): Hmm ... Yeah, I pretty much agree with everyone here. A) He is a jerk, B) I wouldn't give my partner oral sex if she weren't willing to give it to me, ever.
As for my experiences, I've been with one partner, and at first it was difficult for me to approach oral sex with her. But, I found I just had to "dive in" so to say, and just forget about what seemed to put me off about it (the smell, taste, or whatever), and I ended up enjoying, even craving what I first may have found repulsive.
It's all about the response from the partner, I guess. In any case, I wouldn't keep giving him so much when he refuses to do more for you. Sounds like a serious talk or decision making time, for me.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): You are definitely NOt asking too much!
Wow your Bf seems like a selfish jerk. Trust me, he will eventually learn to go down. Most women won't be with a guy who doesn't want to please them. In the mean time, its best you STOP all sexual contact with him and STOP doing things to him. leave him or this will continue to be a blow to your self esteem.
I am the first girl my BF has done Oral to. But he loves to do it because he loves me. And he's gotten great with it. My point is a man who loves you will want to please you. For every man who says no there are thousands that say yes.
Ditch the looser.
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A
female
reader, Madalo 1  +, writes (3 November 2010):
Mmhm. I was interested your post coz im 20 as well, and ive also been with my bf almost a year, so i felt we have sth in common you see. But what is happening in the sexual side of your relationship is not on. Him being your first lover, he's supposed to treat you like a princess and should show you how enjoyable sex can be. Youve tried talking to him and he doesnt want to compromise. Its up to you to stick to this unsatisfying relationship, or find a man who will give you total bliss (such men exist i tell you). You're still young, dont settle for less.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 November 2010):
 I have no solution to you other than leaving him. He sounds incredibly selfish and ignorant. Yeah, his exes were pleased by him never touching them? Well you're not his ex! How stupid of a comment is that.
But, when you got out of the shower, did you ask him to go down on you? Or did you just wait to see if he would do something?
I don't think you are sexually compatible at all, Im afraid. It doesn't sound like he enjoys going down on women one bit, or even touching them. And I don't think he's going to change either, as it's been this long and he still hasn't listened to you or tried to please YOU. He only goes about what he thinks should be enough for you... which really isn't his call, and isn't correct either.
It is not going to work to withdraw sex until you get oral yourself. Because I think it sounds like you need the sexual stimulation a lot more than him. So he will be ignorant and not care if you stopped, while you would just hurt even more from this.
My question is: if he loves you, why won't he listen to your needs and not only his own? Why wont he respect your needs too? Why does he put himself above you?
I think your man is a bit confused about what love actually is, and how to show it. Sounds like he takes you for granted. And there's no fix for this. This is how he is and will be, and you can either learn to live with it or leave him and find someone who cares more for your sexual needs that this man. It sounds like he just can't be bothered.
And yes, it's not only about sex itself. This is about him making you feel rejected, unwanted, not sexy, he tells you you smell (which is natural, he's got some issues), and all this puts you down and makes you feel bad about yourself. You shouldn't feel this way. He's putting you down. And it's a way of controlling you, because he gets to have whatever he wants but not take care of your needs. Whatever did you do to deserve this?
I've been with a man like this once before, and trust me, no matter how many times we talked about him needing to give more back in bed, he couldn't. He brought up countless excuses. It was either this or that. Nothing changed. It was the first time I ever started to feel bad about myself and my body, that I wasn't desirable, sexy, or attractive. I decided I would not let myself get brought down by him anymore and ended it. He still doesn't understand why, because even after debating it countless times, he would never understand it. He thinks it's my own fault for letting my self esteem shatter like that. I agree, it was my own fault for staying with that man and not taking better care of myself.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (3 November 2010):
 He doesn't realize how lucky he is to have you. You do it because it turns you on by seeing him get turned on. Now, this is embarrassing, but maybe it will help. I use to be the same way. My ex-wife was with me and everyone else she could get and she wasn't one for proper hygiene. That was territory I wouldn't wish on anyone's tongue. It should have had a warning sign, "enter at your own risk". Anyway, after our divorce, I found someone who kept clean and was not running around, and although I was apprehensive at first, then after a couple of times I found I greatly enjoyed doing it to her, but not for reasons I would think. It was her reaction that turned me on, not the act itself. This is why I say he's a lucky man. You give to him, not just for you to get off, but because you enjoy how it affects him. Just imagine for a moment, if both of you had the same view of why you do things to the other..... What would it be like? I'll tell you, people would be jealous of how sexually satisfied you both would be. To have two people who think about the others satisfaction before their own would have amazing results.
Just like with my experience, he may find he hated it before, but will end up craving it with you. He needs to be open to giving that a try to find that out. He may be cutting himself short with how much enjoyment you both can get by not allowing himself to find out. Tell him that he's received enough of your mouth on him, he needs to do something for you. Kind of role play. You shower, get all cleaned up, and tell him that while you lay there, that you tell him what you want, and it's up to him to perform what you ask. I don't know? If he's not giving, he may be closed to that idea, or he may surprise you.
Something needs to happen, because this negative perceptions he's developed by his ex needs to change.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (3 November 2010):
 What a selfish pr*ck...
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (3 November 2010):
 To be honest he sounds like a arrogant.... well.. I wont say what im thinking. You have every right to feel upset, hurt and annoyed.
He sounds like he wants to have all the pleasure with none of the work.
I notice how everything you do together sexually is for his pleasure. Oral sex, hand jobs, penetrative sex... even letting him cum in your mouth/on your face/body.
You do many things for him, which im sure you dont really like the taste of or feel of, but you do it to please him. He wont return the favour - OR think about your sexual satisfaction. If he wont even touch you down there, how does he think you are going to orgasm? Thru penetration alone? Most women need a bit more stimulation down there!
You say he is your first... he probably wont be your last. If he is selfish with sex, he will probably be selfish in other areas of his life too.
Do you really want to be treated like this?
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (3 November 2010):
 He's being incredibly insensitive and selfish. To say that his exes were satisfied with what he did in the past is irrelivant. You aren't satisfied. You aren't his ex. He should be trying to satisfy you. Screw his lame excuses. You're going out of your way to make him happy but he could care less about your happiness.
I'm against selfish lovers. Male or female. To always receive and never give is horrible. A relationship is about give AND take. All he's doing is taking and eventually you'll get worn out. I also seriously doubt that his exes were satisfied if this is how he treated them. Most likely they left because this was part of their laundry list of problems in the relationship.
You've got the right attitude about not forcing him to do anything he doesn't want, but you also have to ask yourself why he doesn't want to. Shouldn't he want to help you experience the things you want sexually? He's your first afterall. He should be teaching you about healthy sexual give and take, all he's doing is making you his sex toy. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, and I surely hope that other aspects of your relationship are better, but I've found that seflish lovers are typically just as selfish in other areas of their life.
I think what you're feeling is natural, and anyone in your situation would feel the same way. What he's doing is unfair and not how things are done in most cases. I hope you can find a way to make him see the light!
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