A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, I hope someone can help with this!There's a guy I work with and I am very attracted to him, in fact we have had quite a few moments where there is strong chemistry in the air and this seems to be constant lately, we can't seem to take our eyes off each other! He does seem to be hinting that he would like to go further with this, and he is touching me quite a lot and moves in very close to me, but never says anything more. There have been times when we have almost kissed, his eyes light up when he sees me, and his voice goes all soft when talking to me.The problem is, there is another woman who likes him a lot, they are friends as far as I know, and he seems to like her as well. I myself don't see them together, but my friends are telling me they always seem pleased to be around each other.I don't know how much though.Lately he has begun to drop her name into one or two conversations with me, not in a big way, but the odd thing here and there, and the things he says are insignificant really, like he didn't really have to mention her at all, it's not like she and I are friends or anything.I don't know if he is doing this to try to tell me he likes her, is seeing her, or what. The last time he mentioned her, he played it down by calling her 'what's her name'I am told by my friends though that if a guy keeps mentioning a certain girl, it's because he can't help it, he feels the need to talk about her for a reason, whether he calls her 'what's her name' or her real name.Is this true?I don't want to keep giving off 'interested so you can approach me signs' to him if I'm gonna end up feeling and looking like a lovesick fool.I don't feel I can ask him outright if he is seeing her as I don't want to come across as jealous and possessive either.Does it sound like he's hinting at me about her?I always feel like he is waiting for a reaction from me when he does mention her, so if he does it again, what are some things I could say or ask?I need to get to the bottom of it as I really do like him a lot, but don't want to waste my time on a guy who is just messing around with me.She does have a boyfriend, and I suppose I'm worrying that he is hovering around me to hide the fact that he likes her, and is just using me.Thanks so much for your ideas!
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (3 November 2010):
 Its too hard to tell with any great amount of certainty. You're really going to have to trust your gut on this one because his body language is whats going to give you the best idea of who he likes- at least in this case where he could be dropping her name intentionally. Trust the body language- not the words.
Good luck :)
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (3 November 2010):
 Your feelings here are valid. He very likely likes both of you. Since he's talking about her, even in passing, to you, that does indicate he is interested in her. Maybe even more than he thinks or is willing to admit. The fact that she has a BF is part of the reason he's branching out. You don't have a BF and are giving him the right signals, so he's picking up on that.
I think that if you like him, and may want to date him, you should make that known. Ask him out to lunch or something like that. Something innocent but at the same time gets you alone together outside of work. Talk for a while and see how the conversation goes. Is his focus on you? Is he asking thought out follow ups? Does he seem interested?
It's not unusual for guys to like multiple girls at once. That doesn't mean we'll make a move though, even if we're open to one being made on us. Sometimes, the first one to express a return interest is the winner.
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