A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i am typing this question as i couldn't find a proper answer,plz somebody help me.i am in a commited long distance relationship since 1 year 4 months.i have messed up very badly.i really love my bf and even he loves me a lot but now i have created a big mess. in the month of june,there was a misunderstanding between me and my bf.i gave him a letter when he came to meet me.one day his friend noticed the letter and started thinking something bad,as we have never mentioned about our relationship.so just to prove that it was a friendly letter my bf read that letter in front of his friend.(i wrote friendly because i didn't want to take risk).i got annoyed at this and there was a fight.he threw away all my gifts due to anger. the gifts included special things like god's statue,the band which i gave him when we spent our first night,the shirt which i gifted him on his bday.he tored it and burnt the letter. this created a deep impact impact on my mind as i have kept all the things of his,even a chocolate wrapper. the next day i went to school,there was a guy,he stared flirting with me,i also did and then i smooched him.i even sucked his penis for 15seconds.then later i felt bad and confessed this in front of my bf.he forgave me for this. then in this august there was another big fight,i asked him whether he feels guilty masturbating to porn pics.he said no.i told him that i feel bad.he said he will try to stop,but he hasn't actually.then he said he wants to drink beer,smoke,i strictly said no..but he still argues.then i asked how much he is comfortable in me making physical connections with a guy.he said nething only the guy should not think wrong about me.there was a guy named rahul(name changed)in my class,we both hugged each other as i remember my bf sayings.moreover i had a crush on this guy. i never hide anything from my bf so i told that i hugged him.he reacted differently and said if he will say me to have sex with 5 men will i do it.how can i do this.there was again a huge fight and he told me in anger to die.i was crying badly on phone but he didn't cared. so the next day the guy whom i had crush,rahul proposed me in mail.i said yes.then he was my bf for two days..but we broke up,as i couldn't hide anything from my bf.my bf still accepted me.then again..things went up and down and again me and rahul smooched and he touched my boobs and i touched his penis (from outside the clothes) then i told this to my bf,and i even said if he wants he can go out of my life because i couldn't be a great lover.he didn't.but he said me to break contact with rahul..but i couldn't.and still my bf accepted.after breaking up with rahul i told him the truth.but after that rahul started torturing me emotionally.he used to cry on phone.he said he will comitt a suicide,he truly loves me and can't live witout me. then he cutted his finger and with the blood wrote sorry for hurting me emotionally. then again things changed.my bf earlier used to live away from his parents due to studies.now he has gone back to his parents.he is not contacting me much.but rahul contacts me every now and then.today again i smooched rahul and he touched my boobs..and i his penis.only from outside,again i told this to my bf,he said he will be with me if i want to be with my bf. actually problem is that rahul supported me.he is a guy who doesn't watch porn,loves me the most,spends time,cares about me,but still can't leave my bf as i love him.we made physical relation inspite of knowing this. not only this,but my finger got cut.so rahul writes all my school notes and helps me in studies.we shared a good bonding.but what now? i dont want to break contact with rahul but i have to if i have to live with my bf.but the situation is not easy.rahul will kill himself for sure which i dont want to happen.at the same time my bf can live without me but definetely it won't be easy for him.i am torn as well as equally confused.rahul is getting mad,he is crying. and one more thing.in between when i was in a relation with rahul,i also smooched the guy whom i got involved in june.this also my bf knows. did i really did something wrong or was it the situation which made me to do so?i have hurted my bf.what can i do now? thanks for patient reading.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks a lot for your suggestions.but k c100 i would like to tell you one thing that i can't tell rahul's parents otherwise he will tell those incidence and everything will be ruined.so i can't do that,but i dun know the way rahul says it seems he is going to kill himself.i told rahul that please go with somebody else,but he said he can't live without me.he can't think of anybody else as he loves me.
i told my bf too to go with somebody else as i couldn't be a good lover.he said hey u realised your mistake.so its ok.my bf needs me the most and seriously i have realsied my mistake and i am not going to do it again.
but again the situation has become a mess and full of confusion.now rahul is pinging me up every now and then,he told me to give him a chance to prove himself and also told me that i can stay with my bf,but he will try his level best to become what i want!
i am messed up.what now?
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (3 November 2010):
 What the?! Jeez, just stay away from both of them, neither of them is good news. Rahul will not kill himself- and its hard to believe that he loves you when he's emotionally blackmailing you... not to mention he's a teenage boy and you keep touching his penis :P That's not love.
Your boyfriend sounds less crazy- but not by much. I don't understand what the deal is with him and why you're even with him. How about you try being single for a while, cos at the rate you're going with all the cheating and both these toxic guys in your life- you're setting yourself up for bad things down the track I promise you.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (3 November 2010):
 Look this really is quite simple - you think you are in a committed relationship but you are NOT, the definition of committed is to totally dedicate yourself to one person, to put all your efforts into that one person and your relationship.
You are just repeatedly cheating on your boyfriend and then he is stupid enough to keep forgiving you - therefore this is NOT committment in any way at all. This is a relationship where you get to do whatever the hell you want and you know your poor old boyfriend will always be there for you no matter how badly you treat him.
Yes have done something VERY wrong, it was your choice to fool around with other guys, no-one made you do it therefore you cannot blame anyone else, the situation...whatever, it is all your fault I'm afraid.
What you need to do is end the relatonship with your boyfriend - you are not mature enough to handle a long distance relationship and stay faithful, you are only going to hurt your boyfriend more and he deserves better. So let him go, there is no future for you when you will happily have 2 boyfriends at the same time then cheat on both of them by kissing some other guy. You are not yet capable of a mature, committed relationship so please stop messing these guys around and just end the relationship now, it will save so much more pain in the future.
As for "rahul" - he will not kill himself because of you, I promise. It sounds like he has depression, this is not your fault and you cannot feel responsible for him. I suggest you tell his parents about his behaviour and his threats of suicide, and then hopefully they will take him to the doctors to get help. He is mentally ill and needs to see a doctor, he is not ill because of you though - it is caused by chemical inbalances in the brain. So he needs to see a doctor in order to get better - you cannot help him I'm afraid.
So finish with your boyfriend, and leave Rahul alone to get some help - he is not ready for a relationship either as he sounds like he is quite ill. Neither of these boys are right for you, it is very clear that is the case. You dont love your boyfriend enough to be faithful, and you are only still in contact with Rahul because you are scared for his safety. So do the right thing - end both relationships, tell Rahul's parents about his problems so they can keep an eye on him - and then move on.
Just be single for a while, stop messing around with so many boys and learn to be happy on your own. Once you are happy as a single girl and dont need a man in your life, then you will be ready to committ to one guy. But for now you are too young to committ to anyone and are not ready for a serious relationship, so please dont hurt anyone in the mean time by staying in a relationship with them when you are incapable of being faithful.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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