A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm on/off with my ex at the moment, i won't go into details. We have been together for about a year (although not at the moment), but as I am away at university the relationship is a bit strained as we didnt get a chance to see eachother that often. Recently i told him i loved him and he said he really cares about me but doesn't love me back. I know he does really care about me, and i feel that maybe the reason he doesn't love me is because he does not know me well enough, I know a year sounds like a long time but we havent spent that much time together so the relationship definitely hasnt progressed as much as you would expect for the year. He is moving up to manchester in about a year (where i am at university) so I dont reckon we will get back together before/until then as the distance is quite a big strain. He is 12 years older than me as well, although that has not been a massive problem for the relationship. I just dont know if i am wasting time with this guy if he doesnt love me. i want to be with him, but dont want to wait around and find out that he never will fall in love with me. Is being with somebody who really cares about you enough? im really confused, please help!
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (6 November 2010):
 Well that's a tricky one. You shouldn't be with someone who doesn't love you... of course not, that's a no-brainer... But here's the thing, how long has it been since you said that you loved him? A few days? Not everybody says "I love you" at the same time, and as he's 12 years older than you- he may take the L-word more seriously. I have a female friend who has never said the L-word to her boyfriend of 2 years because she takes it THAT seriously. Doesn't mean you should wait around for ages, hoping that he'll say it eventually... but I think a month or two is an acceptable allowance before concluding that he doesn't or can't love you... and then moving on.
A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (5 November 2010):
 The simple fact that you are questioning all this is enough reason to let him go his own way. Its coming across as the relationship is not strong, the 11 yr gap, the fact that you don't really know each other that well is all factors in this. I've never known why two people are together when they both don't love the same. There's enough problems in this life which can be sorted if you are both looking out for each other,if not that's where relationships fall apart. All you can do is let him go and see if he has the feelings to come back to you. Good Luck
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