A
male
age
36-40,
*creenname11
writes:So, there was this girl I used to have a fling with. However nothing ever became of it, we started dating different people but she is still one of my best friends. That was two years ago. Currently I'm dating this girl, and have been for a few months. She and my friend have met before, but my gf says she doesn't feel comfortable around her because of the way we used to be. It sucks because she is one of my best friends, and now my gf feels uncomfortable if she and I hang out or when we all hang out together. So basically, it's either her way or the highway. My friend cannot be in my life anymore or my gf will not stay with me. I love my gf very much, but my friend has become one of my closest friends ever. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2010): i understand how she feels ive been their myself if you really love your gf stand by her explain to her you love her and you wont betray her but understand how she is feeling if she has been betrayed in the past she will have insecurities but in time they will stop its a new relationship and she needs to know you love her more than any1 else
A
female
reader, ChelsCrafts +, writes (4 November 2010):
I would try and explain to your girlfriend that there are no feelings between you and your friend. BUT only if this is TRUE. Your girlfriend should not be able to pick your friends. She should be confident that you are hers alone. However, you should make sure that there is no potential for romance between you and your friend. Oh, and just to make things easier on the girlfriend, avoid hanging out with the friend one-on-one. Its just curtious ;)
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (4 November 2010):
 If I were in this situation personally, I'd tell the girlfriend to walk without a second thought. Girlfriends come and go- best friends you should hold onto... plus if she was "the one" for me then she wouldn't make an issue out of eliminating threats because she feels insecure.
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A
female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (4 November 2010):
 She is in the wrong. You've only been together a few months and she has no right to tell you who can be your friend. If she's jealous over her, who else will she be jealous over? Is that the type of girl you want? It's ultimately up to you, but I am one of those people who do not do well with ultimatums. I have walked away from those more than once, and now I have found the guy who likes all my friends whether they are guys or girls.
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (4 November 2010):
You don't want to have to give things up that matter to you for someone else, trust me. I know that modern society says, "If you love this person, you'll make sacrifices for them," and while that may be true, if you have to give something up that you truly truly want to keep, you'll only resent her for it. And if you really like your girlfriend now, you don't want to ruin things by beginning to feel that resentment towards her.
She needs to know how close of a friend she is to you and how giving it up would hurt you.
BUT, remember you are still with your GF, not this other girl. She needs your full attention. If you already feel there are times you'd much rather be with your ex, just hanging out as a friend, than spending time with your girlfriend, you're already heading down a bad road. She needs to be your everything, and she must be the thing that captivates your attention.
Find that middle ground. Talk to her about how much your friend means to you (as a friend) but be willing to give up a good amount of your time that you would spend with your ex to hang with your GF. Once she knows that no matter who your friends are she is your everything, she will trust you to be around whomever you want.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): Pick the friend, think about it... If you're friend had a boyfriend who did not approve of you two, how hurt would you be if she forgot about you for her boyfriend. Would you forgive her if she came back?
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (4 November 2010):
 Oooo these never turn out well. Think about it this way, your girlfriend is jealous over your friend whom you had a fling with a while back before her time. The point is you're with her now if there was anything between you and your friend obviously you would be with her instead of your current girlfriend. She's also questioning the trust in the relationship. She doesn't trust you to be with her alone, but she won't compromise and hang out together as a group. That is called being controlling. Your girlfriend cannot tell you who you can and can't be friends with. Do you really want to throw away a friendship for a girl that is jealous, controlling, and has trust issues? Not to mention you've only been dating a few months. Guys have female friends, they're friends with their exes, it's just a fact of life. I'd say talk to her, but it doesn't seem like it will do any good..she clearly can't overcome how she feels about your friend. Choose carefully.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (3 November 2010):
 Ultimatums suck. You now need to weigh up some pros and cons. As a female i don't think i could ever lay down an ultimatum on someone, it's just not fair.
if your gf is making you choose between her and your best friend, who else will she expect you to choose her over. ou have made sure that she knows about your best friend, and to be honest she seems a bit jealous and possibly controlling...do you really want to be with someone like that??
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