A
female
age
36-40,
*ishdish
writes:so, an ex-boyfriend from about 5 years ago sent me an apology note recently, saying he had treated me wrong and I really hadn't deserved the way he treated me, etc. and I was taken a little aback. I had responded with a sort of nice email back, oh I appreciate what you're saying, I'm glad you feel that way, and sort of gave him an update on my life. In retrospect, though, I'm really mad at my reaction, because as much as I've tried, sometimes, I still have a LOT of bitterness about some of the things he did to me (it wasn't sexual or physical, but just emotionally hurtful and scarring things), and even anger about it, at certain times. I am now angry at myself for acting sort of like a doormat to his apology, such a typical reaction of me as I was in that relationship. I wanted to be civil, and didn't overtly say he was forgiven, because that would have been a lie, but then I sort of acted like it by giving him this little peek into my life that was unearned. I..don't feel like he deserves to be let off the hook like that. I'm glad he got this off his own conscience, but he has now burdened me by making me think about my reaction to his words. Is it petty to write back a message like, you know, I wrote back really politely because I was taken off guard, and I appreciate that you do feel remorse but I still haven't forgiven you for everything, this may get me closer to closure but I'm not at that point. I just feel like I would be truer to myself in writing this. at the same time, I feel like it could just be...causing drama when he's trying to bury a hatchet. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, fishdish +, writes (27 December 2009):
fishdish is verified as being by the original poster of the question sorry to bug you guys again, but now he's sent me a message the day before christmas eve, an old letter I had written from 5 years ago, sort of like you still make me smile. should i just ignore it or send something short and civil back.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009): 5-years of grudge poisoning your heart. Let it go. NOt for his sake, but for your own.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009): Hello it sounds as if his apology has opened up a can of worms. Karma catches up with us all eventually and it sounds as if he might have had a dose recently! I wouldnt give him anymore glimpses into you life or even share your thoughts with him. Just let it go and dont hate yourself for being polite, it shows class darling! And theres a saying....the best revenge is to live well! He probably has fist bites from thinking you are fine and dandy and doing so well without him. Let him think that and say no more to him. It might be worth having some counselling so you can move on properly. All the best.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (8 December 2009):
 Let it go, unless you want to spend the rest of your life being bitter about what happened years ago....
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (8 December 2009):
Let it go. That's my advice. Cut all contact again and let it go. To err is to human, to forgive is divine, as the saying goes. You've come out of this looking like a great, understanding girl. Don't open up some huge war over this. Better to just move on. All right, he treated you badly, you haven't really forgiven him, but you know what, you're better for having said it all politely. Just write all your feelings down on a piece of paper about him, then burn it. Then move on.
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