A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm having a hard time coping with the end of my relationship as it is so unique to anything I've been through. My ex suffered from narcissistic personality disorder. I didn't realise this until after we broke up and learning about the disorder helped me make sense of his erratic and weird behavior. Point is he was abusive (physically, mentally, emotionally you name it). Our whole relationship was based on one deception after another. And I think that's what still torments me even though I am more than releived that it is over. This guy controlled me like you wouldn't believe. He would threaten to hurt me if I left him. Or defame me. He cheated on me like it was nobodys business. He literally treated me like a dog. I was emotionally a zombie. I ended up going to the police and filing a report and I had to move away cause this man was so destructive and unpredictable. I'm glad its over, I'm with my family now, I've reconnected with all my friends even though I am not in a 100 percent state to jump right back on my feet again. I still look at his myspace and facebook once in a while out of curiosity. It makes me mad to see girls comment to him but I don't care that much. Its just that every other boy I've dated who has claimed to love me would never do the things he did. And to think that I was so easily manipulated by his words. That's all he was, just talk. His actions painted a very different picture. I'm still very hurt by this. I don't want to talk about this with my friends cause I don't want them to think I'm a loser(even though they know what happened and that he was abusive but nobody knows what a hard struggle I'm going through emotionally day to day. Its like the aftermath of all his torment is hitting me hard). I don't want to talk to my family cause it breaks their heart to know what I went through and I don't want them to judge me either or to worry. And my therapist doesn't even listen to me when I try to bring it up. She keeps telling me "oh focus on your career, keep yourself busy." And I don't disagree with that but I want talk to someone and just cry and talk! This man forced me to have sex with him. He held me against my will. He hit me. He threatened to kill me. He treated me horribly. Those are very traumatic things. He should be behind bars! Ill never understand why this guy treated me so badly. The guy who I trusted who was supposed to love me and look out for me. That was a big deal for me to get involved. He should have been grateful. I feel so used. I know he's crazy and I didn't do anything wrong. I know he's too crazy to even acknowledge that what he did was wrong. Anyways if anybody knows about the disorder and wishes to offer insight or simply respond to my experience I would really appreciate it. Thank you and I hope you all had a wonderful christmas.
View related questions:
broke up, cheated on me, christmas, facebook, my ex, myspace Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2010): God what a nightmare.Ive literally just split 3 days ago with one of these unapathetic nasty losers and I fully understand how attractive they were and probably if I'm totally honest, still are. I always knew something wasn't right, probably my women's intution, but was repeatedly told I was 'gone in the head'.What a caring response from someone who supposedly loved me.
From the day we met, my life has gone to mush. I gave my daughter to her father on a permanent basis,who is fantastic in bringing her up luckily. I've moved form house to house, place to place, messed my bosses about at work.Just generally made a complete mess of things. If I'm honest last year was the worst year of my life. I swore to myself that this behaviour would not carry on into 2010,but here I am.
Point is is I never saw him as a problem.I'm a strong,independant woman and my family and friends are so suprised at how I've changed. Nobody ever believed I'd get myself mixed up , or fall in love with someone with such awful tendancies and capabilities.
my situation was never as bad as the previous posts, but I could see where it was going. I felt belittled on a daily basis. When I was called names, I stood up for myself saying 'I am not a --'.He would turn it round and say he wasn't actually calling me that, just I was acting that way.
I know most women that fall into these traps tend to be kept there by the fact that they are not always so awful.completely the opposite in fact.When things are good, they are attentive, charming,caring, loving, like nothing you've ever experienced before. But the fact is, this is not genuine behaviour. It's all just a game to them. And when you work up the courage to get rid, god does your life become a nightmare? begging,pleading,threatning, abuse. Is that really someone who loves you.
I've seen the result of two of his past conquests. They've been weakened so much it's not even funny.Maybe that's what kept me on my guard at all times. He was a pathological liar, but luckily my gut told me he was a liar,so I guess although I loved him, I never let my guard down enough to end up in the worst possible state.
I console myself with the fact that as much as these guys cause you pain, it can't be helped. Whether it be down to under or overnuturing, its a mental condition.
This guy had me believing I was cracking up.Turns out I've actually been the one intuitive, strong, intelligent woman that may actually make him realise they don't always get what they want, no matter how many temper tantrums they through.
Basically, Im damn well bloody proud of myself and you guys that made the break, as painful as it is,you know deep down, you are too.
A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (26 December 2009):
 My ex was bi-polar, but exhibited the same behavior. He didn't cheat, he used drugs instead. He broke bones, spit in my face called me the worst names a man could call a woman, and I stayed way too long! (We were married)
The best thing I ever did was finally leave him. Everything Satin says is true! It was always the excitement of the bad boys! When I finally realized it and tried to modify MY behavior, I went too far to the other extreme and found myself bored to tears and feeling like a loser myself. But now I have found the happy medium I was looking for! He is truly the man of my dreams!
I wish you the best of luck!
xxBGxx
...............................
A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (26 December 2009):
 I'm really sorry you went through all of this, the only thing I'd like to Add is that you should dump your counselor and get a new one because you've gone through a lot of trauma and ignoring it is not therapeutic. yes you should try to be busy like that person said, but you shouldn't be avoiding talking about it, i feel like that silence is sort of, letting your ex win. anyway that's what counselors/therapsists are for, to help you through things, i don't know what your current one's problem is!
...............................
|
