A
female
age
51-59,
*tarbon
writes:OK, I'll make it quick. I am an older lesbian in a relationship with a younger lesbian. We have been together for a year and a half, and living together for a year. She has been very smothering and overwhelming and us living in a studio apartment, along with her not working much, didn't help. Our sex life wasn't the best since I continually pushed her away due to her clinginess. I just felt like she wouldn't let me breath. I also want to say that she is very beautiful. Anyway, we fought a lot, but still loved each other. We eventually moved to a slightly bigger place , but the fighting (NOT physical) continued. Well, we decided to separate (she's in another state) for a while, but we still had the commitment to each other, and we kept in touch, talking about our future. 2 weeks after she left, she told me she had sex with another woman the night before. I was devastated, but at the same time, I had a feeling it would happen since i wasn't meeting her needs. I know part of this is my fault. But I am so broken hearted and don't know what to do. Should I forgive and try again, or just let her go? The gal she slept with is her age. Any advice would help. Thank you.
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lesbian, sex life, sex with another Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Starbon +, writes (5 January 2010):
Starbon is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi I just want to thank all of you for your input, as it has been very helpful. I have been trying to break up with her, but she is threatening to hurt herself and swears her straying was the worst mistake of her life. I've decided to just do this in stages, rather than abruptly cut her off. I think she just doesn't realize that she will get over this someday. If it's never happened to you before, you think the pain will last forever. It's NOT been easy for me either, as I do still love her, but I know EVENTUALLY I can move on. Thanks again.
A
female
reader, Xolani  +, writes (4 January 2010):
 Move on it will hurt now but as time goes on you'll see it was for the best...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): I would move on, whether she initiated sex or not, she cheated, she could have said no! or walked away but she didnt, you are at different places on lifes timeline, she is younger and has not had the life expereince u have had, sometimes its the best thing to move on and wish her well, her being so clingy makes it worse for you, how can the r/ship be belanced? She needs be her own person for a while, this sounds harsh but she needs to try to stand on her on 2 feet and look after herself, not laze around while u work.. clingy ppl are hard work, there is no room to breathe, let her go, its hard and it will make you feel like crap and u might feel so mean but.. it might be for the best,can u trust her again? do u need her neediness
hope this helps somehow.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (4 January 2010):
 I think I would just move on; even though she's saying sweet nothings now, you KNOW how she was when you lived together, kind of a loafer? and unless she's sort of figured out what wasn't working for you and how to change for the better, there's no reason to take her back. I think you two may just be at different places in life. let her go with the flow with someone else while you pay the bills and find someone else a little more like-minded and -hearted
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A
female
reader, Starbon +, writes (4 January 2010):
Starbon is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI also want to clarity that she says she DID NOT initiate it, feels horrible about it and that it's the worst mistake of her life. She also cried on the phone with me more than once. If anything else needs clarification, let me know!
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