A
female
age
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anonymous
writes:I recently discovered my husband has been texting and phoning a co worker with sexy suggestive stuff to titillate each other. He accidentally left some texts on his phone and they were sexy and loving. I am pretty sure it didn't go beyond that from what one of the texts said but what hurts is how she seemed to be dependent on him and look upon him as her 'partner' in some respects and they seemed very fond of each other emotionally.One of her texts told him to ring her while she was driving somewhere and he said it was cos she wasn't sure about the directions and he said he'd help her out. How very convenient that she was on this journey and needed the help at exactly 12 o' clock when he starts his dinner break.Also she is supposedly happily married so why didn't she ask her own husband for help or look it up on multimap or something? She obviously turned to my husband first and no doubt took the opportunity to pop in a bit of sex talk.From some of her other texts I gather she went deliberately past where he works and text him she was outside so she could see him. That sounds like a woman besotted. He conveniently can't remember why she was there and said he didn't go out to see her as he was busy.She is much younger than us and that has made me really insecure. He swears it was just a passing phase and relieved their mundane lives and boosted his confidence as I was going through a very unloving time and rejected his love and affection. He has sworn undying love to me and said if he had any feelings for her he would have left me but I've always been the love of his life.Do you think I should contact her and her husband or believe my husband and get back to the way we were before all this? We do love each other to bits in spite of what it may seem. Can a man become emotionally attached to another woman when his wife is supposedly the love of his life and will he just forget her that easily as he says because she 'meant nothing to him'??I do understand why he wanted the love and affection I wasn't supplying and suppose I should feel lucky he didn't go off with someone else who was willing to provide it. Thanks for reading x
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female
reader, Lexybeauty  +, writes (10 August 2010):
Yes, do contact her husband, don't even bother contacting her, if it has gone this far she nor your husband truly realize or possibly care about your feelings right now. Its all about their selfish egos at the moment. I'm not even married to my partner and when I found myself in the same situation as you, I confronted him and although he apologized and promised to "break it off", he still continued the communication through other means as "friends" and didn't tell me. I decided to go right to her husband and you know what?? He was greatful because he had noticed a change in his wife as well. This is when reality hit them both and things turned around. You have to burst the fantasy bubble around them and let them know you are not going to just sit there and be disrespected.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2010): yep, please tell her darlinh hb what his faithful wife is up to with your hb. she may not take your words to heart but involving her hb in her emotional cheating will definately send her a message. to hell if your hb gets upset. you are fighting for the survival of your marriage!
your hb is a tool ( can use stronger words but trying to be kind to him). he is bullshitting when he says that nothing happened, passing phase and he is trying to pacify you that if she meant something he would have left you. bull shit! your hb was getting off with this woman and he is lying to you. don't be a fool like so many other women that believe thir hbs saying that it meant nothing to them. like you, other women were lied to, tried not to make it an issue, swept in under the carpet , only to live the pain of a breakup months later.
if your hb doesn't like you being pro active then its his problem. fight for your man and your marriage. this ow did not respect the boundaries of your marriage, why must you respect hers. the quicker her hb is made aware of her "friendship" with your hb, the quicker he too will fight for his marriage. both you and her hb are actually going thorugh the same thing: fighting for a faithful marriage/ faithful spouse.
btw, your hb seems to suffer from amnesia as to why his lady love was outside his work. how convenient.
from what you write, you seem to be blaming this ow too much. in fact YOUR HB is the one who betrayed you and your marriage, so please do not only blame the OW. YOUR HB has conveniently made this ow to be the bad one, as though she is running after him. in fact i am sure he is equally to blame, so your anger is somewhat misplaced as well.
keep an eye on your man. seems like more shit will surface when you dig deeper. he can ly some of the times but whe confronted with other evidence, what then. you have an enemy in your bed, in the form of your hb. please don't forget that. keep this in your mind while you ponder your next move. sneaky one, that hb of yours. watch him : seems like he likes playing around. this ow may just be one of many!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2010): i realize everyone is saying work on your relationship and let it go etc.. i agree with work on the realtionship part and eventually letting it go but,I couldn't! I would get in touch with her husband first and let him see whats been going on. Why? because there is no way in hell i could move on without getting that off my chest. Wouldn't you want some one to tell you? what they do with the info is up to them.. but i would want to know.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): He may just be a flirt at work. Some men are but it doesnt always mean they want a relationship with the woman or women they flirt with. I know my ex brother in law adored my sister. But he was caught red handed one day. He accidently called my sisters home on his mobile and she heard him making very sexual and suggestive remarks to a co worker! He still declared undying love to my sister though and said it was just nonsense talk at work. It sounds as if this woman has slightly more intetest in your husband than he has or had in her. Just contact her and tell her the shows over and stop contacting your husband. It really isnt so much fun once the balloon has gone up and the wife knows about it. Frankly i would inform her husband and ask him to speak to his wife about her behaviour. You have taken your husband to task about it, theres no reason why she should be let off the hook. Hopefully your husband will now stop inappropriate contact with her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): My response in these situations is to make them very uncomfortable. I would phone the woman and tell her that I know what she has been up to with my husband and that I am seriously considering telling her husband if she doesnt do it herself. It is not your job to cover up her tracks for her. If we doesnt want to destroy her marriage then she shouldnt have messed with yours. By doing this, you break the magic spell between her and your husband. Their romantic fling is suddenly unconscionable; the beautiful carriage has turned into a pumpkin.
As for your husband, dont blame yourself for his behaviour. If he had a problem with you he should have said it not started a fling. Dont phone her husband because you will be drawn into he said she said battles. Tell her to do it herself or else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): I have been through a very similar situation and I did contact the other woman. Instead of her being sorry and ashamed at her behaviour she actually flaunted her affection for my husband and intimated he had turned to her for love and affection because I wasn't supplying it at home. She was totally contrite and made it clear that she didn't give a jot about my feelings. Almost that he was up for grabs! Now I know not all women would behave in this manner if they were confronted but be aware that this can happen. Personally I would work on trying to put back together what you once had rather than going for her and telling her husband. She is not worth it. Concentrate on rebuilding what you have with your husband and keep her out of the equation. This other woman in my life was also considerably younger and thought that somehow made her more attractive and appealing than me whereas in reality she has little experience of life and didn't really know what she was doing. I can only hope at some stage this happens to her and then she will see how horrible it is.
I would spend your time making your husband feel loved and wanted and suggest for the benefit of your relationship going forward that he ceases to encourage this woman's advances and cuts contact with her if at all possible and if he is willing to do this.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (6 January 2010):
 I think you need to worry about your relationship and focus on him, not on what this female culprit is doing..for all you know, they may have an open relationship. even if he doesn't know there's no need to incite drama and hardship on a family when you should be focusing on your husbands transgressions not this floozy's. it's none of your business what she's been up to, it's the fact that your husband has been playing along and sunk into her traps, isn't it? if you were around flirty guys, it would be your reaction, good or bad, that would determine the strength of your faithfulness and kind of wife you are, not the men that find you attractive.
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