A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please I need help. Is this me, am I being a bad daughter?First of all my Mother is a very emotionally abuse person towards me. She always suggests that I did something wrong, it's my fault, or i should have/could have done this to make it better. This is just her 24/7 it could be something simple like numbers being deleted out of her phone and she'll say it is my fault. And honestly I don't think this is fair. Today she came home and screamed at me because I was apparently supposed to clean the house while she was at yet another doctors appointment for the millionth time for her new "illness". I feel like cinderella so much. She makes me clean, i cook, i study for school, i have tutoring, art work, piano work, and another art class that go to as a favor to my mom's friend. she's stuck in the past and now that i'm growing up she treats me more and more like i'm a little girl. She tells me i'm fat, calls me a bitch, she steals my clothes, shoes, etc. i have come home to my room completly ransacked and she made me clean it up myself and told me it was all my fault. that she supposedly warned me for weeks that she was going to do it. i have come home and she completley re arranged my room and she screams at me because i'm crying and asking her to stop because it is an invasion of my privacy and she takes MY! things. and she accuses me of hiding things from her and thats why she must go through my room. i have no history of substance abuse, alcohol has never touched these lips and i have a 3.5 GPA. i don't understand where she is coming from except that i think my mother is sick in the head. i can not deal with her abuse anymore. today the thought dawned on me to run away from home. i just can't stand her anymore. i only have a year and a half left until college but this is so hard because i need my freedom but i also need a mother who is actually there for me. i can never tell her anything because she'll use it against me even if i ask her not too she will use it as leverage for something. and i just really don't like her anymore. she's very moody and loopy she's into spirits and weird things like that and she acts like she is a spoiled brat who is 13. i just can't stand her. there is no talking to her at all because she over reacts like all hell is breaking lose. she is also a mega hoarder. my father gave her a two story walk in closet. and she just throws things in there literally. there are piles of junk in there and some of my things. but she has a lock for her closet door and our guest bedroom door which also is a "storage unit". i really am mad at her for being this way because it is an embarressment she never cleans up after herself it's always me and she complains that i never help her when i really do. but there are some days when i just can't because i'm so tired from doing school work and trying to get sleep that i can't handle being my own mother. sometimes i skip dinner because i just don't have enough time to make a meal for myself or have a snack. please is there any help for her? or for me? i really want to go into therapy and have a safe person to talk to about it but she won't call our insurance and always makes up an excuse for why she won't. can i be emancipated from my parents? this is really a toxic enviroment and i really just want to cry. i see what other real familys have and i'm jealous because i don't have that. i have a horrible mother?, or a thing. my father is great but he always has to go away due to work and that's when she really just bullys the crap out of me. i just can't stand this. and the person i usually confide in is across the country for three months and i don't really like to talk over the phone about things like that. i never had a childhood because of her. she was and still is convinced my father is having an affair with someone and she would wake me up and take me in the car to pretty much stalk him at his office. my first memory of my mother is her slapping me across the face when i was, i think 4 years old. everything used to be fine between us when she could just mold me to do her will like tell my father i want to do this because whatever reason she gave me. she even took me to a womens shelter and took me away from my dad when he wasn't doing anything but i was so young at the time i didn't know what to do. i missed 5 days of school because of that. and recently as of five minutes ago. my mother told me that if i don't apologize to her for having a tone in my voice that she won't take me to the photography class my father payed for me to go to, no matter what he says. i just don't have any respect for this woman at all. how can i respect someone who doesn't even allow me freedom and the basic rights of a human being. she doesn't even respect me as her daughter. i feel that she sees me as someone she can use to clean the house and do chores for her nothing more than that, maybe even a little bit less.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2010): It sounds as though your mother is depressed. Of course she shouldn't take it out on you but it really does sound as though she is unhappy deep down. She could even have a neurological or hormonal problem (my ex partner's wife had this & would just lose her temper at tiny things & scream & shout & even hit & in the end she had affairs with other men because she was so unhappy & just looking for something to make her happy & it all stemmed from her relationship with her own mother, so these things can be complicated).
You should talk to a teacher, counsellor or GP. There need to be boundaries on both sides for a successful mother-daughter relationship. Of course you are going to do things that annoy her and she is going to get on your nerves at times as well but there are ways and means of handling family conflicts. Your father sounds very passive and I wonder whether a family counselling session would really help. Running away may not be the answer but maybe you could stay with a relative for a few days, just to get some space and perspective. As part of the household you should help with some chores of course but you shouldn't be running the whole household and doing it all. You are very young & I think the person best placed to help you would be a professional such as a family counsellor, who can really get some insight into the family dynamics. You got some good advice from the other people that answered your post. Maybe one day you will be able to sit down and talk with your mother about all this, with both of you being calm about it. I really hope it all works out for you. x
A
male
reader, thebookoflove +, writes (13 January 2010):
Hun your not doing anything wrong it is not your fault if I was you I would look at other examples of this I know plenty of ppl that went threw this and are now very successful and there mom or dad wished they treated their child better cz now the successful child isn't even talking to them you really sound like a good kid and that's just my opinion but I like the answer before mine as well child services sounds better than running away trust me don't run away
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (13 January 2010):
 it really sounds hellish, i'm sorry this is happening to you, and that there is something wrong with your mother. can you go live with an aunt uncle or grandparent? is your dad a little more stable, can you talk some sense into him? Maybe you can call child services because this may qualify as abuse to them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2010): Wow, honey I'm so sorry that your going through this. Here's are some thoughts...Your mother sounds as if she is ill- if so, she's not all there and you need to attempt to separate your hatred from her and her disease. You father appears to still be present in the home, but absent due to work and frankly "checked out" when he is home.He needs to take an active part in a solution here, and become an advocate for you. When kids are in situations such as your the inaction of the "healthy" parent can be as damaging as the hurtful action of the sick one, as the childs expectation is taht the healthy one will protect them. (been there too-). You need to talk to him, so him your post and the answers you get here...Find yourself a therapist- you should be able to find one for free. Your in an abusive environment, and need not only protection but cooping skills to make it through your last year of school so you can escape to college... which is a great thing!odds are good your father has been emotionally damaged her too, and blind to the sickness- kind of like being married to an alcoholic or drug addict, people in relationships with mentally ill people (she's sick, not crazy) will one day at a time, convince themselves that life is normal, when it's NOT. You may want to buy a "nanny cam" and video record her actions, show it to you father and a councilor and get yourself help- then Dad, then Mom. She is likely going to need medications to control this behavior. PLEASE do not run away- if you need to move out, go to a freinds parents, or an aunt or uncle... there are people who will help you, but you'll NOT find them on the streets.
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A
female
reader, Elvira +, writes (13 January 2010):
 I don't think you are a bad daughter you and I have the same case my mom
Is as looney as yours trust me I hate her I've thought millions of times of running away but that is not the answer I used to think what's wrong with me but there's nothing wrong with us but with them
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