A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. I'm not sure what to do. My husband and I mostly have a great relationship, but for the last few months he seems to touch me only for sex. I like sex, but I'm starting to resent it and not want to have it when it seems to be the only time he really touches me. I don't get cuddles or held anymore unless I'm upset about something. I've tried to cuddle him a few times but just annoyed him or been called needy. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be one of those women who stops having sex with her husband but I'm struggling with the lack of physical affection. What can I do to get that back in our relationship? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 February 2017):
 Have you actually spoke to him and told him how you have been feeling? I find that once you get settled in to married life passion does slip at times, men don't need as much affection as women do. But am sure he is not meaning to neglect you or make you feel like this therefore speak to him and see how it goes.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (29 January 2017):
 A woman not wanting sex with her partner is most frequently a sure indication that something is wrong with the relationship. Women need to feel loved to want sex, whereas men need sex to feel loved. You - quite reasonably and understandably, I feel - NEED cuddles and physical contact outside the bedroom to feel loved. Your husband, on the other hand, does not recognise this. To him, having sex with you means he is showing his love. Maybe he was brought up without too much affectionate physical contact from his parents so, to him, it is not "normal" to show affection in this way. You need to sit him down and explain, very clearly, what you need. Explain also what effect his withholding physical affection outside the bedroom has on you, how unloved it makes you feel and why you don't feel like having sex when the only time he touches you is in the bedroom. Stand up for what you need otherwise you will just grow more resentful and the marriage will falter.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (29 January 2017):
 Have you verbalized your needs?
Women ARE definitely bigger fans of intimacy in the form of "non-sexual" actions (such as cuddles, a hug a passing touch, a kiss) than many men are.That doesn't mean men can or should ignore those needs. Because what they will end up with is a partner who will start to resent the intimacy they DO get (sex) and they libido will tank. And that will cause resentment from the guy who doesn't understand why sex is suddenly off the table.
Now I don't think playing tit for tat (as in if you don't get cuddles he doesn't get sex) - but I think you NEED to EXPLAIN with words, face to face that YOU have needs he isn't fulfilling and THAT in turn is making it HARD for you to fulfill the need you BOTH have for sex.
Calling you "needy" is NOT helping the issue either. How would he feel if you called HIM needy when he wants sex? He wouldn't like that one bit either, so why is it OK for him to call you needy? See my point?
So talk. Read the book FA suggested and see what happens.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (29 January 2017):
 His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley Jr.
Get it and read it to him if you have to. Most people get "needy" when they are starving. It is available in e book , printed , or audible.
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