A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A very good male friend and I used to work at the same workplace with another woman. A few months ago this woman told me to join her new company as we had all been made redundant. I got a job there a few months after her but she failed to tell me how horrendous the place was with extreme monitoring of toilet breaks, phone calls and bullying etc. As a result I left as I was getting anxiety attacks and ill health. Recently my friend saw this woman which she asked about me and he told her that I was not happy that she failed to disclose how bad the workplace was. He said she seemed embarrassed and made excuses that she told me how bad it was but she couldn't 'find' the alleged texts she said she had sent me. I am still not sure why she was never honest enough to tell me the truth. I feel very annoyed he told her this as it was meant to be private but he said he felt that she needed to be put her in place and not have allowed me to go through this as her actions are not what a friend would do. I don't know what to do now if I see her. Should I deny it?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 January 2017):
 People do talk. But no don't deny it, that would be childish and make it look like the other person was making up lies, which would not be fair to him. He probably thought he was looking out for you, and well some work places suit others and some don't. Just because it is horrendous to you doesn't mean it won't be to your friend. Therefore don't blame her if you are not liking it. If you see her again and she mentions it just be honest and say you wondered why she never told you more about the job. Tell her it was only in passing conversation. Really its no big deal.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (25 January 2017):
 Small minds talk about People.
Average minds talk about Events.
Great minds talk about Ideas.
Avoid gossiping and you will avoid this kind of trouble.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (25 January 2017):
The one you ranted on was not a friend. The one you told something to in private, is also not a friend.
Two people you need out of your life....Why?? Imagine it was something more serious, and he told on you, and your life was now on the line...still a friend?
For me, any friend like that has just showed me their true colour...RED...danger.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 January 2017):
 No need to deny it, what you said wasn't a lie or offensive. And NOW you know this male friend will try and "fix" things you vent about, so maybe not spill the kind of "beans" you don't want to get back to whomever. At least not to him.
And I'd tell him that you feel he broke trust here by telling her what you said. HE needs to know that it's not OK to pass on things like that.
Hopefully, you have found a new job and can let go of the past. Shitty jobs are a dime a dozen, unfortunately.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2017): Why would you deny it? You didn't say anything hurtful, you have every right to be annoyed about her not disclosing how bad it was.
If you lie then you are in the wrong.
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