A
male
age
26-29,
*rayscreetch
writes:My girlfriend told me that I have "Dry 10 second sex" and I took it as a insult because to me it felt like she was saying that she doesn't enjoy my sex anymore. I told her how I felt and tried to move past it but I just couldn't it makes me feel like I'm undesirable to her like I've lose my sex appeal I've never had these problems with any of my exes but she's critizing my sex and I feel like she could have worded how she felt differently but she doesn't even think that she insulted me and she didn't even apologize until I told her to and she said "Damn I'm sorry" as if I was bothering her to think I deserved an apology. I'm hurt by her insensitivity towards my now insecurity thanks to her. Am I wrong for the way I feel? And what should I do going forward? I don't know how I'm ever going to get past this. Please help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2017): She's one piece of work, and a selfish one at that.She is using you as her own personal sex toy, solely for her own sexual gratification.We often see this the other way around. When you do not perform to HER standards, she sulks and criticizes you? What nerve. And how utterly mean of her. She has shown she does not care about you or your feelings. She is interested in what your PENIS does for her. Period.I do not believe you need to put in all this work in order for sex to be good. It just clicks between two people who are sexually compatible. Sure, you may need to make modifications but this seems to go way beyond that. I do think you are not compatible in the bedroom. Her drive and needs far surpass what you can offer. You have probably been performing to your best ability and to complete exhaustion trying to please her. So, I am sure you have put effort it. But it is NOT good enough for HER. Therein lies the problem. I think nothing you do will ever be enough for her. Is that what you want? A partner who puts you down? A partner who will give you performance anxiety every time you are in bed? It will wear you down. You will not be confident and you need to feel confident sexually in order to perform optimally. These comments will sit in the back of your mind and make you feel bad about yourself. Why would you even WANT to please a woman who does not appreciate you? You are going to resent her for putting down your sexual skills. Men define themselves by their ability to please a woman. Right or wrong, this is the truth. Clearly, there is another woman out there who WILL enjoy you. This one isn't it.I am curious OP. How long have you been having sex together? Is it a new sexual relationship or has it been years? How do you get along outside of sex? Is your relationship committed? Or just FWB? Does she see other men?It's up to you. Do you want to be jumping through hoops for her? Risking further rejection? She will probably come up with other insults in time. My suggestion is to move on.The first time someone criticizes you in bed should be enough.
A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (19 January 2017):
You don't end it...This is a good thing :) :) :)
You see...most young people believe plenty and often is the of way of sex. As you get older and wiser, you realise...NOPE!!
Quality is the key.
Let me guess your sexual routine...You have a little oral sharing, and then first chance you get, you stick it there, pump away for however long, and you are done. You are Exhausted, and she is still ready.
For men...the average sex time is 2-3 min. For women it is 15-20 min...see a problem there?
So here is what you need to do...You use toys, hands, lips, tongue, and fingers....FIRST!!!! Get her to where is about 2 minutes away from blowing a gasket. By that time, guess what she is going to be begging you for...Oh yeah...Mr. Happy.
He goes in, and two minutes later, you are both done. You see...she is right 10 second man...she needs to empty her tank MORE than you. Once you teach her body how to respond to your actions, her orgasms will be bigger and better, and she she will me more satisfied.
You see this as an insult to your ego...Take your ego outside...dig a hole, and bury it. Egos have destroyed more men than I can count.
This is not an insult...This is a challenge...For you to man up, step up, and make sure she cannot walk from here orgasm when you are done with her.
Even if she leaves you, she NEVER forget the man who left her body a spent mess when he was done.
Men fix problems, we done run away...come on! What do you want to be known as...Dry 10 second man...or...the man whose girlfriend has to ask him for help to go pee, because her legs don't work after her orgasm???
You don't run...you prefect it. before a lover, not a humper.
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A
male
reader, JohnSchorah  +, writes (19 January 2017):
Sounds to me like she does fancy you & perhaps she feels hurt/rejected because you don't want sex as much as her, so she's punishing you for it rather than being honest about how she feels.
The fact that she doesn't want kinky stuff might be because she loves you & feels insecure about doing the old stuff. Just a thought.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2017): You're sexually-incompatible, and she's mean.
Dump her, take a break to get over her; then date just for fun and companionship. I don't mean one-night stands either!
Sticks and stones, bro! If she goes for the stones; she's not girlfriend-material, or at least not for you!
No serious commitment to any other girl until you're ready; and no sex until you feel you can enjoy it without her cruel words ringing in your ears. You'll have performance anxiety; which was the slow-poison she hoped to use. It renders you helpless and limp with other girls. That's her objective. Don't give it to her so easily!
Somehow I suspect she's older than you, and far too experienced for you to begin with. Stay in your league,
dude! Don't drive a Ferrari until you can handle a Honda.
Man-up if you're going to have sex. You have to be able to take whatever insults females throw at you. They are only trying to push your buttons when they go after your manhood. You're just a boy, if you let it get to you!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 January 2017):
 Thanks to your update and the older posts of yours...
I think you need to just end it.
You are not happy, she isn't happy - let it go and move on.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 January 2017):
 Hi there, I think it would have been helpful for the aunts to have a more complete background on the complexities of your troubled relationship with your current girlfriend.
In this question just posted, http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-get-my-current-gf-to.html we learn that you are still in love with your ex and that your girlfriend doesn't trust you at all.
In this other question just posted, http://www.dearcupid.org/question/she-has-no-problems-trying-to-crush-my.html we learn that you are frustrated with your current sex life as she's no longer into threesomes, etc etc.
Based on your comment that you don't really love her as much as your ex, it's time to end the relationship.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (18 January 2017):
 Thanks Greyscreetch for following up. with more information we can give better advice.
Both of our previous replies apply to your situation. I was right at least as much as you are sexually incompatible. Her drive is much higher than yours. Sadly she is probably believing the Myth that Every man wants as much sex as he can possibly get, and that would make her frustrated and annoyed that you don't want her as often as as she wants you. This incompatibility is already manifesting it'self in the form of exaggerated comments from her.
Honey is also right your performance is not up to your girlfriends standards. There are probably some things that you can do to make her more satisfied.
While I firmly believe that sex drives change with age, I would never advise a couple as young as you to continue a relationship with mismatched drives. You will only get frustrated and hurt.
Now about the 10 second exaggeration. Either that's a gross misrepresentation or there is work you need to do. If your sex episodes are lasting less than 10 minutes that's a problem. If your sex episodes are lasting more than 30 minutes She is a bit too demanding. It simply isn't realistic when you consider Jobs, eating, study, and essential shopping to expect a 4 hour love making session every afternoon.
You will have to decide together what you are both willing to accept and able to be truly happy with. You will have to discuss this together with no exaggerations, joking, Name Calling or accusations. There should be no pressuring one person to accept more or less than they can happily accept. You are young and have plenty of time to work this out.
It could be that you will be unable to find a workable solution. In that case you will have to agree to part.
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A
male
reader, Grayscreetch +, writes (18 January 2017):
Grayscreetch is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello everyone it was my question. And it's not that my sex actually last for 10 seconds, she's just over exaggerating because her sex drive is through the roof. She wants to have sex for hours back to back every day its exhausting. When we first started to have sex it was cool. But no it's ridiculous and she keeps coming back for more so if she doesn't want me why does she do that?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 January 2017):
Is there any truth to what she said?
That sex is over way too fast and she is left wanting more?
You may not have had that problem with any exes because (my guess) they were young and inexperienced so didn't "complain" or point out that sex was not long lasting or fulfilling.
I get that your pride is hurt, no one wants to hear that they are not great in bed. BUT instead of being offended TALK to her, ask her to please elaborate on why she said it and WHAT you can do to improve.
Let's say, you were SUPER great in bed. Would you not want your partner to tell you?
And if you AREN'T (yet) wouldn't you want to know how to improve? Learn how to be a better lover?
NO ONE is born knowing how to be a great lay. And every partner is different. Some enjoy oral more than penetration, some girls need a LOT of foreplay to get in the mood, some don't.
I don't think your GF was trying to INSULT your manhood or you - I think she was hoping you two could have a conversation about sex and what she feel is missing.
So you can either sulk or talk to her, figure it out.
If a partner calls you a "2 pump chump" that is an insult. But it still might BE the truth.
The first couple of months after my husband got back from his deployments he was a "2-minute man" all that seemed to matter was HIM getting his rocks off. And I HAD to tell him that it wasn't very satisfying for me. He was NOT paying attention to anything but his pleasure. And what did he do? Did he sulk and expect me to apologize for "insulting him"? No, He put in WAY more effort in the bedroom and out. Which in turn made ME want to put in WAY more effort too - which again led yo MUCH better sex for BOTH of us.
Think about it, is there ANY truth to what she said? Are you being a bit selfish in bed? Do you need to work on your foreplay skills? Do you need to know what makes HER tick? Where her favorite erogenous zones are?
Sex is about the pleasure of 2 people. Not just one. That pleasure for one, you can do with a hand, no need for her.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (18 January 2017):
Number one, Don't be a whiner. If you are insecure it is not because she said something it is because you reacted poorly to what she said. Being stronger is More Attractive.
Number 2, how can dryness possibly be the man's fault?
Number 3, Why do you want to pursue a relationship with a person who finds you sexually incompatible?
My advice based on Her words, and your feelings, is that you break off the relationship. If she is unhappy with sex with you, which by your own account is little different from sex with previous satisfied partners, there will be less and less sex in your relationship. you will become less connected as a couple and will have a harder breakup because of the time and shared assets that will pile up.
You are probably correct that you are sexually unattractive to her. Just Her. There is something else you offer that she would like to continue getting. No matter how much she loves you, without a mutually satisfactory Sex life, you are Friends, not romantic partners. Keeping her as a friend will prevent other women from seeing you as a possible boyfriend.
Let her go.
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