A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am 19 years old. Im a college student.There's a guy I like who is 24, I get along with great because we share the same interests. He likes me back.Though I can't date him for two reasons:1 were related by marriage (no blood)2 my dad said if I tried to date him he'd kick me out.So my question is, how do I get over this guy? And what do I do if my dad threatens me again with the next guy? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 February 2017):
 Okay it may not be by blood but it can still be messy. People who are young get in relationships all the time that end and they are heartbroken and never want to see their ex again. Your dad does not want to see family broke up over puppy love. I know it is hard because you are an adult but it sounds like you do want to respect your dad.
So to get over him just stay away from him as much as you can cut out the contact and meet new guys.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2017): My aunt kicked my cousin out of the house for dating an older and divorced mother she did not approve of.
He went to live with her.
Until that relationship ended.
It's your life. Not your dad's.
You are an adult and have a right to make your own choices.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (31 January 2017):
 Honor thy mother and thy father...In this case it's your father. Sounds like this guy in family by marriage(if you say not by blood) OK, your dad must know or know of this person and recognizes a potential problem. Therefore listen to your father!
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (31 January 2017):
 How do you get over this guy, or any guy? Time and distance are the key. What Andie wrote is right. Demote him and Limit the things you talk about. Emotional distance is as important as physical distance. Let me add a few things not to talk about. Secrets, Deep feelings, future plans or dreams.
Your next question is the interesting (to me) one. What to do if Dad continues to threaten you in future relationships. There is a fair chance you are borrowing trouble. Unless your Father has been in the habit of controlling your access to friends and dates, you have no reason to think this will be the new pattern.
You Dad could have one or more reasons for rejecting this particular suitor, Your Dad knows this guy pretty well and may know some things about his history that you are not aware of. Your Dad may feel uncomfortable with the age difference. Your Dad may have worries about the family connection. Without knowing what those reasons in his mind we can't help.
There are of course other possibilities. Finding out what those reasons are is the first step. The next step is negotiating. Negotiating could include a plan to move out. Negotiating could include agreeing to waiting until a certain date or portion of your education completed. Negotiating could include some guidelines on dating. In the end Dad will soon learn that you are an adult and will find a way to do what you want. At that point he will start to do the things that will make you want to stay close to him.
There is an unasked question here. That question is, " is this the time to put my foot down , draw a line in the sand, or the hill to die on?" Now you chose to use the word "Like" and the term "get along" to describe your feelings for him. At this point You are not yet so attached that this is the hill to die on. But if you continue to grow this relationship it could become that serious. Now is the time to negotiate with dad. Not when you really have something to lose. (unless I'm reading you wrong)
Support from your parents is important while you are in College, but part of the college experience is learning how to take care of your own apartment, get along with your roommates, Experience new things, new ideas and new people. In your shoes, I would try to live on your own for at least the last 2 years. I would also have same gender (no romantic interest) roommates for most of that time. It is easier to leave them if you cant stand the way they brush their teeth.
FA
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2017): Before going against your father's wishes and just being defiant; let's think this over clearly. You're a college student, like there aren't enough single available young men outside the family?!!
Why doesn't your father want you to date this guy? You're leaving out major details; because you're turning to strangers to give you their approval and permission.
Nuh-uh! I need more details! We know nothing about you, your father, or the guy. Advising young people to defy their parents without adequate information or knowing the consequences might be getting ahead of ourselves.
Does this guy use drugs or have a criminal record? Is there some ongoing family dispute? Your dad wouldn't threaten you with such drastic action without some serious reasoning behind it.
I can think of a few reasons most dad's would not approve.
The guy is five years older than you, you should be focusing on your studies, you're full of raging hormones, and parents usually know you better than you know yourself. I think your father knows something about this guy you're not telling us.
I know about young women and how easily they fall in-love. The more anyone opposes it, they more they want the guy.
So here's my advice. Instead of challenging your dad, sit and have a reasonable talk with him. He's protecting you. Nothing is more frightening to a father than a starry-eyed teenage girl falling in-love. He has to worry about some guy taking advantage of her sexually, getting her pregnant, making some bad influence on her somehow; or damaging her reputation. Worst of all, getting her heart broken; because she's dealing with a bad-boy, or a guy way beyond her experience.
In some cultures, dating family (blood-related or not) is taboo. The more your dad says no, the more you want the guy.
If this guy is worth getting kicked out of your house, estranging you from your father, and possibly getting funds cut-off for your education. Then go ahead, you're 19. Get a job, pay your own rent, pay for school, and date the guy of your dreams.
I hope he's worth the sacrifice.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 January 2017):
 why give up on this guy?
if your father wants to control your life and you are over 18 I say it's time to move out.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (31 January 2017):
 Your dad is going overboard, but I do think it's a bad idea to date a relative, even if not by blood, as a break up can tear a family apart.
Just demote your relationship to family and don't flirt or talk about things you wouldn't talk to your dad/brother about.
Let the feelings fade by seeing him as family only and not a dating option.
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