Two separate lives... how can I help him?
Q. I'm a white girl that met and fell in love with an Asian guy, we had a baby over a year ago. His family have never acknowledged our baby or me. He used to visit them to meet his children to his ex partner who is also white btw. In the end and ...
A. 24 December 2014: I am going to make a BIG ASSUMPTION here:
If he was still in a relationship with his now ex partner when you and he met and fell in love, and then had a child it could take a very long time for this situation to resolve itself.
There will be... (read in full...)
How can I convince her to wait until I'm ready for marriage and children?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. I'm looking for some impartial advice and my girlfriend uses this site a lot so thought I'd give it a try. We have been together for 5 years, I am 27 and she is 29, and recently she has been putting a lot of pressure on me t...
A. 24 December 2014: I think that after investing five years into a relationship your girlfriend deserves to know if you have long term plans with her or not.
As for your claim that she will have time to have children, unless you are a trained doctor you have nothing ... (read in full...)
This is not the first time he has done this to me!
Q. Dear Cupid My bf wanted to go celebrate newyear in NY. So I have booked tickets and did all the other arrangements which costed me a whole lot of money. Now he is complaining about the flights, hotels everything. I have actually checked with him...
A. 24 December 2014: What was that old saying, Fool me once, shame on you, Fool me twice, shame on me.
After your BF had already caused you to cancel vacation plan twice, you really should have considered the fact he could do it again. If you are likely to lose mon... (read in full...)
I think we need a break, but this close to Christmas?
Q. Hi all. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years, and we've had our fair share of problems in that time mainly because he often doesn't include me in his life and he's not very willing to discuss our future (I'm 29, he's 27 and he says he's too ...
A. 23 December 2014: Determine for yourself just what you are willing to accept or not for your future, workout what the deal breakers are, maybe write them down in two columns, choose the best headings to suit yourself, eg DEALBREAKER and TOLLERABLE.
Start listing ... (read in full...)
I want to feel as strongly about my boyfriend as I do about this other man!
Q. I'm in a predicament that I've brought on myself. I have a partner of 12 years. He is good to me, I love him, but not in the way that I feel I should. There was never the initial attraction. I was in a bad place at the time and he was there. Our r...
A. 22 December 2014: You need to add the same thrills and sense of danger to your current relationship ....... if you can talk your boyfriend into marrying some other woman so he can then cheat on her with you would be a good start .........
Seriously though, the exci... (read in full...)
I think we need a break, but this close to Christmas?
Q. Hi all. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years, and we've had our fair share of problems in that time mainly because he often doesn't include me in his life and he's not very willing to discuss our future (I'm 29, he's 27 and he says he's too ...
A. 22 December 2014: It sounds like you are just a convenience for him, if he is unwilling to discuss the future after you have been together for 6 years he will never be willing to discuss the future.
Have you got somewhere you can go?
I agree with the previou... (read in full...)
My ex is coming over and says he doesn't want sex. What if I do?
Q. Dear cupid, My ex is coming over tomorrow to hag out,he says he wants to catch up and watch TV. He says he doesn't want to have sex but what if I want to? I know I'm not gonna pressure him but I don't want to come on too strong. What do I do?...
A. 21 December 2014: If he says he doesn't want sex and you ignore that and coerce or pressure him that could be classed as rape.
If you feel you are incapable of controlling your sexual urges you need to advise him to stay away.
... (read in full...)
He called me a selfish (expletive) because I want a specific colour.
Q. Holiday help! I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over 5 years. Everytime around the holidays, especially my birthday and Christmas he gets in a 'mood' like he's so unhappy in his life and then it ruins my days. I hope I don't come off ...
A. 21 December 2014: Are you going to accept that? I would still purchase them myself and on top of that just give him a cheap voucher for something.
I'd still be asking if he really wants a relationship with you, to be with you and make you happy or if he is just wit... (read in full...)
Help, my friend keeps cancelling on me?!
Q. Hi after some advice- my so called friend keeps cancelling on me. 3 night we have arranged to go out/do something together and she either never replies to me saying what time are we meeting or you know general questions and then texts me for exam...
A. 20 December 2014: Woah! Check your travel booking for any conditions attached to cancelling. Ask her after Christmas what her plans are for repaying you ......... tell her Christmas has left you short of cash or something, if she doesn't start paying within a week ... (read in full...)
How much space do I give him?
Q. Hi, I had quite a flirty relationship online with a guy that I met once who wanted to have a one night stand with me. I wasn't wanting the one the night stand, but I did like him and would have taken things further. However, he seems to be into ...
A. 20 December 2014: He is not in it for the friendly chats, he was only interested in the casual sex with no strings attached.
He will return once his current supply of the above dries up and he will try you again.
In your situation I would probably not del... (read in full...)
How do people resolve which family to visit at Christmas
Q. My boyfriend and I are having issues deciding on Christmas plans. His parents live abroad, so for the last few years he has come round to my parents for dinner then we would both go to visit his brothers in the evening until the small hours. ...
A. 20 December 2014: I think he is rude suggesting a mere 30 minutes with your family.
How come its rude for you to leave his sister's after dinner but not rude for the two of you to leave your parent's house after dinner?? What is that. one rule for him and a differ... (read in full...)
He called me a selfish (expletive) because I want a specific colour.
Q. Holiday help! I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over 5 years. Everytime around the holidays, especially my birthday and Christmas he gets in a 'mood' like he's so unhappy in his life and then it ruins my days. I hope I don't come off ...
A. 18 December 2014: Wow! He really loves the season and the whole gift exchanging with the people you love thing doesn't he.
I think I would be tempted to tell him if it was that much of a hassle to stick 'em, right where they fit best.
I don't think you are se... (read in full...)
Whose decision is it anyway?
Q. My fiancé has 3 children, 21, 23 and 26. They still live at home. Her children want the ex husband to come for Christmas Day lunch at her house. He will not come if I am there. They have been divorced 10 years. She is now telling me she won't ...
A. 16 December 2014: Thank you for answering my questions, they certainly alter my point of view.
Something weird is happening here, her ex husband or kids are manipulating her and the others are complicit in that. I think after a 5 year relationship they should a... (read in full...)
I like her except for the lack of punctuality
Q. I've been dating a girl for about 2 weeks now. It's going great but very early days. The one problem I have is she's always late! I know to most people this won't be an issue but it really annoys me. Turning up an hour late and then with no apology. ...
A. 16 December 2014: Having somebody be always late IS an issue for a lot of people.
Read the answers to this question, and then decide what you want to do:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-boyfriend-isnt-bothered-by-keeping-me-waiting.html
... (read in full...)
Whose decision is it anyway?
Q. My fiancé has 3 children, 21, 23 and 26. They still live at home. Her children want the ex husband to come for Christmas Day lunch at her house. He will not come if I am there. They have been divorced 10 years. She is now telling me she won't ...
A. 16 December 2014: How long has she been your fiance? How long since the breakup / divorce. Have all her children met you? Why wont he go if you are there, is there history between you?
The answers to these questions would give a broader picture which would allow us... (read in full...)
My boyfriend isn't bothered by keeping me waiting.
Q. I will keep this short. My boyfriend does not see anything wrong with keeping me waiting. I will say "I can be to your house at 7, does that sound good"?He will say yes and a lot of the time when I get there he is just getting in the shower. He ...
A. 15 December 2014: Next time you ask if 7 is okay, and he says yes, don't get there until 9. If he notices the fact you are a little bit later than agreed tell him it is no big deal, and that he is being petty and controlling.
Personally to be constantly kept wai... (read in full...)
He is so bossy,and full of commands, Feeling confused nd considering breaking up. What should I do?
Q. Been going out with this guy for 6weeks, and I love him so much. We have little issues but the one that makes me mad is when he says I don't behave like a woman even when I know I do everything just to please him. He says we are working towards ...
A. 15 December 2014: The fact he tells you that you don't behave like a woman would be enough to put me off him.
Its only been six weeks, hardly long enough to make a decision about whether you love him or not, and way, way too soon to be talking about marriage... (read in full...)
21, pregnant and my boyfriend wants nothing to do with it
Q. I have just found out I'm pregnant to my boyfriend of 7 months, and I'm heartbroken that he has told me if I want this baby I will have to do it alone as he doesn't want children. I have been naive in terms of contraception, having been told...
A. 15 December 2014: First up, it takes two people to procreate, and if he was so adamant about not wanting children he would have taken steps to ensure he never had them, as a minimum he would have been using condoms and if he was 100% sure in his decision he would ... (read in full...)
I feel angry with the world right now ........
Q. I am a quieter, nice and ok but and ignored person, I have some anger in me that I cant let out? I don't want to be passive aggressive (im not but don't want to be, Ive seen others like this) what can I do, I dont want to let it build and ...
A. 14 December 2014: None of those answers were nasty, your question was answered by three people who considered what you had written and then responded kindly and with good suggestions.
If your friend doesn't want to put any effort into a friendship with you because,... (read in full...)
She said she will always chose her kids father over me!
Q. I've known my girlfriend for about ten years in total, I've known her family longer than that. Four months ago we got back in contact for the first time in eight years and things went from friendship to more quite quickly because of the history we ...
A. 14 December 2014: Regardless of how long you have known this girl, or her family, after only four months of 'dating' somebody you cant move in with her and her children and expect to be a "proper family".
It takes a whole lot more than being in the same house to... (read in full...)
Three months after we broke up he unblocked me!
Q. My ex unblocked me from IG 3 months later and liked several of my pics at 5am so I will know I'm unblocked. It was a really bad break up so not sure what he's doing. Why after all this time? He could've just unblocked me if he thought it was petty ...
A. 14 December 2014: The only person who really knows why is him ........ maybe it was boredom, maybe he just wants to see what your reaction is.
Personally, if it was a bad breakup and there has been no communication since then and if you are not interested in rekin... (read in full...)
He constantly takesdigs at me.
Q. I met this guy at work who is a few years younger than me. At first i didn't particularly like him as a person as he seemed quite immature and arrogant but over time i warmed to him a bit. He has since left but gave me his number and we've been t...
A. 13 December 2014: This person is not adding anything positive to your life, his questions about your intimate life are creepy and its none of his business, his saying crap that is way out of line and then telling you you are too sensitive is abusive and why haven't ... (read in full...)
She is not responding to me but is using other social media
Q. I've been seeing this girl for about a month so not long. It has been going great. We've seen a lot of each other and when we've not been together we've communicated by text or phone call pretty regularly. It's been nice cos she's been very kee...
A. 13 December 2014: What are you wanting her to say? It seems you text her, she says she is cooking dinner or whatever, you respond to that, and then she is supposed to ................ what and for how long?
Communicating by text can quickly become tedious,... (read in full...)
Am I just being a paranoid wife or is there something going on?
Q. Okay I have been married for ten years to a military member. Moved around many times and recently moved to California 5 months ago. I am a stay at home mom for my autistic daughter and have had a hard time finding work due to limited schedule. My ...
A. 13 December 2014: Listen to your gut here, the fact he messaged her about the tickets and she got mad sure says a lot.
Don't try and confront him yet. Maybe nothing has happened between them but her reaction to the tickets was way out of line ........
Conf... (read in full...)
We bought a home together. Now she's taken up with a new guy and kicked me out of our home. How can I convince her that I'm not the ''controlling'' one?
Q. I have lived with this girl for 3 years. She recently started talking to some other guy and left me. The problem is im pretty sure she is being manipulated. This guy kicked me out of the house we bought together and controlls who she talks to. Ever...
A. 10 December 2014: Gather together all paperwork dealing with the house, if your name is not on the deed or mortgage you may experience difficulty proving the house is part yours.
You may be able to use bank statements which show regular payments towards house pa... (read in full...)
The drama is getting too much ...........
Q. I am dating an almost divorced man. His final court date for his divorce is in February and that's it. For the past month his soon to be ex is in overdrive trying to patch things up even though she filed. I beleive when she filed it was to scare ...
A. 9 December 2014: You seem to be under the impression that once the divorce is final your boyfriend and his ex will never need to see or deal with each other again ..........
DING DONG YOU"RE WRONG!
He and she will always be connected by the fact they share ... (read in full...)
The drama is getting too much ...........
Q. I am dating an almost divorced man. His final court date for his divorce is in February and that's it. For the past month his soon to be ex is in overdrive trying to patch things up even though she filed. I beleive when she filed it was to scare ...
A. 9 December 2014: You seem to be under the impression that once the divorce is final your boyfriend and his ex will never need to see or deal with each other again ..........
DING DONG YOU"RE WRONG!
He and she will always be connected by the fact they share ... (read in full...)
I want to say sorry in a Christmas card!
Q. Does anyone know how to write an apology in a Christmas card? I've never been good with words so I'm not sure if i should just wish the person i care about a happy holiday or to just say "I'm sorry" for hurting them? Ideas? I screwed up and s...
A. 9 December 2014: If you have already apologised by email and she still hurt and not talking, I doubt writing an apology in a Christmas card will ease her hurt to any degree.
There is no way you can write anything unChristmassy in a Christmas card without detracti... (read in full...)
I don't want to hurt his feelings but I don't intend to have sex with him again
Q. I feel bad about this whole situation. I have a friend who is 11 years younger than me. I was actually friends with his older sister long time ago, but we lost touch and with him kept in touch through emails and FB. I didn't see him for 15 ye...
A. 8 December 2014: You need to be straight,and stop beating about the bush.
You are under no obligation to accept his dinner invitation,nor were you under any obligation to accept his invitation to swim.
Dont be so available, let him know what happened in the past,... (read in full...)
I Don't Like When This Girl Needs to be Comforted by my Boyfriend
Q. My boyfriend is one of the nicest guys I've ever met. But sometimes I feel like it's a problem because he feels the need to cheer up everyone, especially this one girl he just met at the college he's going to. She has stuff going on in her life and ...
A. 7 December 2014: Does she contact your boyfriend for support when he is with you? If she does you could let him know it feels like there are three people in the relationship, and you would prefer it if there were only two.... ask him to set some boundaries for ... (read in full...)
She says I make her feel like no one ever has, but she has a boyfriend.
Q. Alright so i'm going to do my best to make this as concise as possible. I met this girl from another country on the other side of the world via the internet. She is a very social person and is almost always out and about but she is also insecure and ...
A. 4 December 2014: Why are you getting upset? You know what sort of person she is!
She is a woman who,despite being in a relationship, still connects and talks with other men about cheating on her boyfriend.
She is also into playing games, sending photographs,... (read in full...)
He shows a lot of interest in me but he has a g/f
Q. So..there is this guy i know for almost 4 years.( he has a gr for 2 years)..the thing is that we get along very well and i mean we are very good friends. we had a trip together( with some friends) and his gf wasn't there. the thing is that it was my ...
A. 1 December 2014: awwww....poor you. After ignoring the fact the guy already has a girlfriend you let him know you like him and yet, after a year he is STILL with his girlfriend.
Do you think there might be a message in there for you?
He isn't interested in br... (read in full...)
How can we make our relationship work while he's forever playing his games or on his phone?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and its been the worst two years! At first our relationship was great, we did everything together, he did small things for me, he was caring and romantic. And its went to hell. We don't do anything ...
A. 30 November 2014: Short answer: yes, end things.
There is nothing here for you, no love, no companionship, no caring, no sharing. And as for his statement that a man is in charge in a relationship........ oh yeah?
Give yourself the best possible Christm... (read in full...)
My mother has been telling me that my husband is using me.
Q. I need a second opinion. My husband and I married almost 3 yrs ago. He is from a foreign country. Because we married, he received his green card. We lived with my mother, but moved across the street because he didn't want us to have children and not ...
A. 30 November 2014: What are you getting out of this marriage?
From your question it appears there are threats of violence but no declaration of love from your husband.
It also appears there is an imbalance with regard to how much financial support you are both... (read in full...)
Even my friends and parents think his friendship with this girl is dodgy
Q. My bf and I have been seeing each other for 1.5 years. But lately things haven't been going well for us because of his friendship with a particular girl. They have known each other for a few years and she is residing overseas. Yet he is dodgy about ...
A. 23 November 2014: I have to wonder what her motives are if she doesn't want to meet her friend's girlfriend ..... and yes, his motives too if he is not interested in his girlfriend meeting such a good friend of his. And yes, her text was inappropriate!
Ask him if h... (read in full...)
My wife hides vodka around the house.
Q. Hi Biggy issue. My wife drinks every night. Varying from half bottle of wine to half bottle of half bottle of vodka.? She spends roughly £60 to £80 a month on booze. I myself don't drink. Havent done for 2 yrs. Had a mishap w...
A. 19 November 2014: Your tone suggest that have almost reached the limit of your tolerance, which is very understandable.
Maybe try again to get her to get some help, talk to your GP again, hopefully he will give you some good, practical advise.
You don't mentio... (read in full...)
A love that hurts at times
Q. Ok so long story short, I met the love of my life 8 months ago. I say the love of my life and you're probably asking why I'm on here... I need help from your opinions on understanding a few things.. Mainly the women using this. First of all.. The ...
A. 17 November 2014: It would seem Andrew, that she isn't quite your dream girl.....
I don't know your girl, I don't know you, so I can only give an opinion on what you have written here, so here goes:
Maybe you need to pull back a little bit, make sure there are o... (read in full...)
I am heatbroken there was no compromise or compassion!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 weeks. Things were going so well until yesterday evening. He invited me to a wedding and I gladly accepted the invitation (the bride and groom wanted to meet me too) The wedding was a sunrise one so it ...
A. 16 November 2014: How lucky you found after investing only three weeks in the relationship. Its seems you and him are incompatible, and while there is no indication of wrong doing I have to say I would probably have felt uncomfortable as well.... (read in full...)
She's become cold and distant after we went looking for her birth father!
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for 5 months - she is 22 and me, 26. We are very happy and close ( I'm the first guy she has slept with ) and her family like me, which is a bonus. She was always quite a closed person but over time she opened up ...
A. 14 November 2014: Maybe the stories her mother told her about her father were not true. Your girlfriend may have new information she needs to process.
Maybe her mother and step father have put some obstacles in her way ..........
She could need a little ti... (read in full...)
Why hasn't he told people about me?
Q. I am so confused! Been with bf only month and a half but in that time spent two weekends together and dates in btw. He even wants to go turkey with me in a few weeks!never been with his exs/ Plus when we have sex now its more gentle in a sense, more ...
A. 14 November 2014: Its only 6 weeks, far too early to be ironing his shirts let alone worrying why he hasnt mentioned you to people.
Maybe he wants to give the relationship a little time, let it grow a little, get you KNOW you a bit better maybe, after all six week... (read in full...)
Communication is becoming impossible!
Q. She asks "Would you like a biscuit" - I answer "yes please, just one" - "but you normally have two" - "yes but I'm not hungry, just one would be nice" - "You don't like my biscuits ?" - "yes but I'm not hungry" - "I've spent all this time cooking ...
A. 14 November 2014: You don't list your age, which makes things difficult, because the sometimes the back story for a young guy in his 20s will be vastly different to that of a guy in his 50s.
But never mind ... I'll do my best.
Either she is a crazy control fr... (read in full...)
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