A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are having issues deciding on Christmas plans. His parents live abroad, so for the last few years he has come round to my parents for dinner then we would both go to visit his brothers in the evening until the small hours. However, this year his brothers wife has offered to cook so we're going there for dinner. I mentioned us going to my parents after dinner (as in the reverse of previous years) and he doesn't want to! He said he wants to see my family for 30 mins in the morning and that's it. Meaning I won't see my sisters as they won't arrive until night. I'm actually really upset at his attitude but he thinks I'm the one who is out of order for asking him to leave later. How so others resolve these situations?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2014): The fact you are having to explain to him how his attitude is wrong...is a warning. He has been following his 'higher' and 'more important' agenda for 3 years and now gives no consideration to yours so he can keep control. He should naturally think about your feelings. Why does he persist in you doing something that will upset you. Power games. If he won't budge just make your own plans. Unless he really does control you? If so just do what he expects but you have set a pattern up just how he likes it.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 December 2014):
I agree with Auntie Bim - if it's NOT rude for HIM to change the rules, it's not rude for you.
SIT him down and tell him that you THOUGHT it was resolved over the years as you two followed the same pattern - dinner one place then going after dinner to the other. And that YOU feel HE is the one being rude because it seems to be HIS way or the highway. There is 2 of you in this relationship. An with that TWO families.
Another suggestion COULD be, to spend the 24th Christmas Eve at one place with dinner and so forth and 25th at the other having brunch/lunch/dinner.
A HUGE part of relationships (and marriage) is compromising. Finding something that works for BOTH parties, not just for one.
I suggest you two find a "fix" for this years holiday and then AFTER the holiday set it straight.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Aunty BimBim. I totally agree and thought we had reached an agreement years ago (ie one family for dinner/the other later in the evening) but clearly I was wrong. That's exactly why it upsets me - one rule for him and another for me. Sometimes I get tired of these battles and wish he'd consider things from my pov as well as his own (as I do for him).
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (20 December 2014):
 I think he is rude suggesting a mere 30 minutes with your family.
How come its rude for you to leave his sister's after dinner but not rude for the two of you to leave your parent's house after dinner?? What is that. one rule for him and a different one for you?
As Honeypie said, the win win situation is for you to visit and eat with his sister, and let her know within the next day or so that you will be leaving early so that you can spend some quality Christmas time with YOUR sister.
If you are in a serious relationship which may lead to marriage and children later, its is best you come to some sort of agreement now, where you both get to spend quality time with both families.
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Honeypie. I actually already suggested that but he's not happy with that either. He thinks I'm being rude by suggesting I'll leave later in the day because his brother has invited me round, despite the fact he's asked me to do the same thing with my family for the last 3 years (and I didn't mind at all until now).
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 December 2014):
Go by yourself? Leave him at his brother and SIL and go spend time with your family.
YOU two aren't joined at the hip.
That way you both win, he will see your parent in the AM, you will BOTH have dinner at his brother's and YOU get to spend some time with your mom/dad/sister without having to worry if he is bored or what not.
Easy fix.
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