A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I have been seeing each other for 1.5 years. But lately things haven't been going well for us because of his friendship with a particular girl. They have known each other for a few years and she is residing overseas. Yet he is dodgy about their friendship.I know she refuses to meet me when she comes back even though I genuinely want to get to know her better. She flies back a few times a year. She has asked my bf a few times to visit her overseas (without me or their mutual friends). She has even sent my bf texts like how lucky he would be if he was with her (when she is attached herself). He got defensive about her when I told him the message was not appropriate. Time and again we argue over her and I feel so tired going through the same argument. I'm not sure what to do anymore. even my friends (even my parents) think his friendship with her is dodgy.
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female
reader, KaileyLove  +, writes (23 November 2014):
 I have experience with this!Has she been talking to him the entire time you guys have been dating?Do you trust him?My last relationship had this issue happen TWICE. My ex met a girl on a website, she lived 12 hours away from us, and he used to visit her constantly until she got bored with their "friendship" (because she wanted more than friendship). When I came into the picture, she got jealous and decided to be interested in their "friendship" again, tore the relationship apart, because like the situation you are dealing with, she hated me, she didn't want to talk to me and never wanted to meet me. I was suspicious so I put an end to it, I convinced him to stop talking to her.THEN he met another girl online that lived 8 hours away and hid her from me. She pretended to be his friend, but it was obvious that she liked him, she'd call him when I was over, Skype him at night when I was around, and would make up stories of how "depressed" she was so he would ask me to leave so he could talk to her... privately. She basically stole all my time I had with my boyfriend. I caught a text message that she sent him that said, "I love you, you're the best thing that ever happened to me." I walked right out of the restaurant we were in. They'd plan days for her to visit him, and she specifically asked for him NOT to include me, HIS GIRLFRIEND! I couldn't stand it, so we broke up, and guess what? 7 days later she moved in with him, and they started dating.My advice?:If you trust your bf, tell him how you feel. Their friendship might be cool and all, but it seems like your bf and you are getting serious and if you don't feel comfortable in that situation with his "Friend" being in the picture, tell him straight up, but be sensitive about it.Ask to meet her, if he REALLY respects you as a girlfriend and respects HER as JUST a friend, he'd introduce you two. After all, aren't boyfriends supposed to introduce you to his friends? If he's not, then clearly he's not creating those boundaries.Here's what I learned, if he doesn't tell his friend "No, I have a girlfriend" then he's putting her on the same pedestal as you, and he should respect you and your feelings since he's emotionally, mentally, and physically involved with YOU.If this wasn't an issue until now, maybe he needs to hear that it bothers you.Also, don't give an ultimatum for him to either choose you or her unless you're absolutely sure that he'd pick you. It won't end well otherwise.Good luck!
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (23 November 2014):
 I have to wonder what her motives are if she doesn't want to meet her friend's girlfriend ..... and yes, his motives too if he is not interested in his girlfriend meeting such a good friend of his. And yes, her text was inappropriate!
Ask him if he is in for the long haul with you, with a view to settling down sometime in the future or if you are just a stop girl until she comes back.
If he is in it for the long haul ask him why he would expect you to accept another woman in the relationship, one that has such scant respect for him that she refuces to me the special person in his life.
If you don't like the answers he gives don't stuff around, thank him for his answers, pick up your purse and walk and don't look back!
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