A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I had quite a flirty relationship online with a guy that I met once who wanted to have a one night stand with me. I wasn't wanting the one the night stand, but I did like him and would have taken things further. However, he seems to be into some other girl now and we kind of fell out over it - but I am still one of his friends on Facebook - even though the flirty chats have now stopped and we don't speak much now.The thing is - even though I accept he has moved on - I really miss our chats and of course him and I would love to still chat to him on Facebook etc - but am scared to make the first move.So my question is - how much time do I give him before I get back in touch? I don't want to just leave things as they are - I really want to be friendly with him again.Any men who have been in similar situations please comment.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2014): You want something he doesn't want. The "friendship" you had was just one long pickup line he gave you so that you'd have sex with him. Friends (you know, real friends) don't fall off the map just because they can't get something out of you that you don't want to give. It doesn't take a genius to figure out he was not at all your friend. So it's impossible to miss his "friendship" because there was no friendship. What you miss is the attention he gave you. I'm sure he'll give you attention again if that's what you want. But he's placed a condition on it. He'll give you attention if you put out. If you don't, you get no attention. So you already know what's up.
It's a shame that this is what you miss and you don't place a higher value on yourself.
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (21 December 2014):
Mr. Charming was only that way when he thought you'd sleep with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2014): Hi,
I am the original poster. Thank you for the advice - both pieces are very good & I shall read it when I need reassuring.
Yes i know it is really about missing the attention & he is a player - but it seems to be the only men that I attract these days. I wasn't really looking for anyone & I was pleased he showed an interest. He thought I was witty & clever. Why can't men just see past that 3 letter word?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2014): He only gave you the time of day with the hopes he'd get you in the sack. That didn't workout; so he dumped you and moved on. He's the typical online troll!
Just liking someone doesn't justify tossing your values, and placing yourself up for grabs. He didn't have any interest in anything but sex, and the chat was to soften you up in-order to shag you. He's a player and you ducked a bullet. He would have gotten what he wanted, and you wouldn't have heard from him again.
What part of "one-night" don't you understand?
Your mind is trapped in that area where your ego feels crushed; because he passed you over for someone else. Now you feel like compromising your self-respect and bargaining your self-esteem for the sake of his approval. It's not just about the chats you miss. It goes deeper than that.
He got to you, because he's good at it! He knew the way to punish you psychologically was to replace you. That doesn't sit well with most women. With good reason!
Seriously? If he missed you and wanted to return to square one, he would have done so without any urging from you. He'll simply cut to the chase, get you into bed, and scratch another notch in his bedpost. Craving validation from someone who has passed you over is a sign of low self-esteem. You're better than that. He's a dick!!!
Don't go crawling back. That's beneath your dignity. The chats were just part of his player's repertoire. He's probably pulled the same number on several lonely, vulnerable females; or women he considered desperate.
Seduction through sweet-talk and stroking your ego is cheap and sleazy! You think you can handle letting him have his way, until it happens.
Getting played feels a lot worse than getting dumped. It makes you feel stupid and worthless. No one deserves to have that kind of power over you.
How much space? I'd say the width of a continent, or the hottest side of hell! I hope you'll find yourself a nice guy who will treat you with respect. He's not interested in the chats anymore.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (21 December 2014):
 Auntie Bimbim has this joker pegged. You need to give him a whole lot of space like a universe worth of it. Ever read The Big Bad Wolf fairy tale? Heis the origional chat-chat dude and you don't want to fall for it!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (20 December 2014):
 He is not in it for the friendly chats, he was only interested in the casual sex with no strings attached.
He will return once his current supply of the above dries up and he will try you again.
In your situation I would probably not delete him from my friend list but that is only because I would be curious how long it takes for him to come and try again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2014): I would not give to time of day to some idiot who wanted a one night stand, why would you? Why do you want him in your life now he has someone else who isn't a one night stand?
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