A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I feel bad about this whole situation. I have a friend who is 11 years younger than me. I was actually friends with his older sister long time ago, but we lost touch and with him kept in touch through emails and FB. I didn't see him for 15 years, as he was abroad studying, then working very hard and I was busy w/ my children. About 17 years ago when he was 19 and I was 30, we , I' don't even understand how it happened, had sex. We were at the party, there was alcogol and I felt lonely. I knew he always had a little crash on me, he even told his brother in law that, but nothing was ever spoken. Sex was above average, he was very handsome, very young and all I had from that night was good memories.We moved away to different states, sex was never repeated, friendship stayed. Couple days ago he came to vacation to my part of the world. Before he came we corresponded, he told me where he would be staying and we desided to meet for dinner with his other friends that live here.Honestly, I was quite a bit excited. I didnt see him for long time, and iwas really looking forward to it. I remembered that little night of adventure we had, but really, I didnt expected continuation of the story. I am much older now, though I look youthful, but still I am in my late 40s and he is 36. For me it was just exciting to see him again and remember old days. I saw his pics on FB, but they were always unclear. My first impression of him was, o, my god,how much older he looked. He started to loose hair quite a bit on his forehead. Wrinkles under eyes, and he gained weight. Not much, but still there was hardly anything left from that boy. He said over And over again how good I look and I haven't changed a bit.As the evening progressed, he became more and more intimate with me. He touched my legs, my hands, he kept kissing me on a cheek, hugging me, complementing me all over again. I felt very uncomfortable in front of his friends, who were joking about it. Then we went to a different bar, and he drank quite a bit there, and started staring at my breasts, telling me how he remembered them loudly in front of his friends. I drove him to his otel, he was in no condition. He fell asleep in a car, and I left very fast. I was driving home thinking that I don't feel any attraction for him whatsoever. His laugh was very annoying, his manner of speaking irritated me with constant interrupting. He hardly asked me anything about my kids, though he knows them very well. I had absolutely no intention to have sex with him again. The next morning he called me 3 times asking to join him and one of his friends at the hotel pool. I came with not n easy heart, kindof anticipating the same behavor. He undressed in front of me and his friend, changing his shorts, he laughed every few minutes so loudly that it made me cringe, he was. VERY touchy with me, his hands were on my body the whole time. I felt annoyed and very much exhausted from this unwanted attention.He made sexual jokes, and from the reaction of his friend I understood that he knows about that night. Then I had to get home, and he asked me to stay the night with him, he wanted to get another room in the same hotel.. I looked at him and asked him very softly why he has a notion that I was going to do it this time around. He started laughing saying that he didnt expect anything. So, now he is going to be here another week. His friends are all working, I am the one with flexible schedule and he knows it. when I was leaving he said he wants to take me to dinner tomorrow. To say the truth I don't feel like going because I know where it's going to lead with him. I feel terrible to have an honest conversation with him. I rehearse it over and over in my head, and everything sounds very harsh. He is a nice guy, he is sweet with me, but this one time intimacy that we had years ago I think gives him in his mind a green light to do it again. The last time I had sex it was a year and a half ago. After that I had plenty of opportunities to have it here and there. The last guy i did it with was just amazing in bed and out of it. He was so wonderfull that now I have to like someone as much as I like him to sleep with. I don't know may be because now I am older and more selective. I would do it with this guy if I liked him, and I am also kind of disssapointed that now he made this impression on me, buti can't force myself to be intimate with him. He obviously doesn't get the message and can't read in my behavor my intentions., How will I tell him to leave this idea alone without hurting his feelings?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 December 2014):
 I would honestly tell him. Don't worry about it sounding harsh. But telling a guy that you have NOT interest sexually in him WHAT SO EVER is OK. JUST because you had a hot and heavy one night stand almost 20 years ago doesn't mean you OWE him squat!
And, lady... for crying out loud DO NOT let him PAW all over you. If you aren't interested he will TAKE you letting him grope you as consent or interest. YOU are a GROWN woman and it is OK for you to tell someone who is an ALMOST stranger to STOP touching you. THAT it makes you uncomfortable.
YOU can also do the "chicken way" and stop being available while he is there. It's not hard to "fake" busy for a week...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2014): I think it's time for a frank conversation. Tell him his behavior is disrespectful and tell him you have no interest in him that way anymore at all. Don't worry about his feelings, he isn't concerned about yours and the fact that he is making those jokes and informing his friend of your past proves this. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2014): I don't know wherei came across as being flattered, but I am definitely not. All I feel is annoyance. It would be flattering if I liked the guy but I don't. I know I am under no obligation to go anywhere with him, but I know the guy since he was a kid, and I know his whole family.,He didnt grop me, it's just he was hugging me all the time, or holding my hand, or adjusting my hair, or putting his hand on my leg during conversation. If it was not with combination of jokes of sexual content it would seem like just a friendly touching. What was I supposed to tell him, don't hug me? If it was me I would definitely get the signal that some one is not interested if that someone acted like me. I don't laugh at his jokes. Several times I asked to stop it.,I take my hand away, I try to stay at a distance from him. I guessi need to tell him straightforward that past is past. An I am going to cancell that dinner. Thank you for answering
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (8 December 2014):
Dear god, why did you not tell him to get his hands off of you? You do realize you are not obligated to let him grope you, right?
You also don't have to accept any more invitations. In fact, knowing how uncomfortable you are I'm perplexed that you appear to feel obligated in some way. Why?
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (8 December 2014):
 You need to be straight,and stop beating about the bush.
You are under no obligation to accept his dinner invitation,nor were you under any obligation to accept his invitation to swim.
Dont be so available, let him know what happened in the past, stays in the past and there wont be any repeat performances.
To be honest, your letter sounds like you are a little bit flattered, so if you are serious about not wanting sex with him you need to be sure he is not reading the same message as me.
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