A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Years ago, I was engaged when I met this guy, he was one of my brother's friends. He knew I was engaged and I was simply enjoying talking to him but after that, at the club, I let him hold my hand (probably a bad idea looking back now) but after several attempts from him to kiss me and I kept saying no, eventually we kissed at the club (again, my fault and I think its because I was drunk). It was, surprisingly, a very good kiss. That night I confessed it to my fiancee and asked if we should break up. It was the first time I ever did that to him and we were together for 5yrs. But we didn't break up that night. In the past, since the kiss, I stopped hanging out with my brother because of him. My brother doesn't want to just hangout with me, unfortunately. I saw him once for my brother's birthday celebration. The guy left early. But he did say hello to me and my fiancee and said goodbye.Fast forward to present: I'm single now. I miss my brother so when he asked me out, I went, not realizing he was going to be there. Typically, I'd ask who are coming. I forgot to ask this time. This was the 2nd time I saw him since that kiss. Anyways, during the second time. I thought he was with a girlfriend but it turns out, it was his sister. I said hello with a wave of a hand or give him a handshake and we would talk as a group with my brother's friends but never alone. I don't know if he has a gf but I do wonder if he and I should ever talk about that kiss? Or maybe I should just let it go? It's not like I want to be in another relationship but how do you act around a guy you will eventually see again without feeling awkward?I don't want to be known as that easy girl and if he's friends with my brother for this long, i need o get used to having him around. My brother knows about it but he's choosing Switzerland. I dont know him well. I just don't know if I should keep avoiding him or finally confront him about that kiss? Because like it or not, me kissing him then affected what I know about myself. Which is why I don't want to be with a guy right now. I'm very naive when it comes to men but I'm typically a good judge of character. This guy, I haven't spent time with him long enough to assess but kissing a girl who's engaged doesn't seem like a good one.
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drunk, engaged, fiance, kissing Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for both of your advice, the reason why I'm suddenly worried whether to confront the kiss from a long time ago or not is because of the fact that I'm single now and I might see him again. I've NEVER done something like that before, and though it's "normal" for others to just let it go, the shock that I kissed a total stranger is not something im comfortable with and have never done since. I have turned several guys down that would get too close for my comfort and have only kissed my partner (now ex-).But I will dismiss it unless he brings it up or unless I get to know him better as a person and we'd hit it off again and begin dating. He's attractive and smart but I am NOT interested in getting involved with anyone right now except just as friends or someone to hang out with.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2016): It doesn't make much sense to be fixated on a single kiss for so long. He may have only been interested in having sex with you, and he may have been drunk at the time as well. I think you may have made far too much of the incident. He's had a lot of time and opportunity to reach you and let you know what it all meant. Wouldn't you think?
If it meant anything at that time, why would it matter now?
He's had a lot of time to forget about it and move on.
I'm afraid you've made a lot more of it than he intended.
I think you've fantasized on it so long; that you may be very disappointed if he feels awkward or disturbed that you held on to it so long.
If you simply can't shake it, ask him. Just be prepared to accept that it may have only been an impulse at the time.
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male
reader, Wheeler +, writes (3 September 2016):
 Women, for better or worse, lead with their heart. Whether it makes sense, or is the best idea, is often irrelevant. And this may seem like a negative observation but it absolutely isn't. Women's intuition is a powerful thing.
Men too often can be misled by a pretty package, although a good man definitely wants substance.
But I digress. My point is that it seems you are being led by your heart to see if there is anything there. And given that it has been over a year since that kiss (which some would say is really not a big deal), you haven't let go of whatever feelings developed at that time.
It seems, also, that on both sides the reaction to the situation is much too serious to still be leaving when you see each other at events.
Unfortunately, the ball is more in your court, especially if he thinks his actions had ANYTHING to do with your eventual split from the fiance. He may be worried that you are mad at him, or he may be interpreting your distance to be a message that you are not interested in anything further to do with him.
If you want to figure out whether there is anything there, it is almost certainly on you to make the initial gesture or contact so he knows you are not mad at him or desiring distance.
I wouldn't make any judgments about his character because of what he did, as it very likely is because of genuine feelings for you. Who can be blamed for having feelings for someone, engaged or not!? Now, had the two of you had sex that would be totally different. Absolutely not okay.
You know the guy is going to be around because of your brother, so find a subtle way to run into him again, and maybe this time talk to each other without the influence of alcohol.
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