A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok, not sure where to begin, just turned 31 and life is shit! Really bad!!!I have always had an ok job, men and good body, looked good...but in the last 6 months lost all that. Big time!!!!I've put loads weight on (despite going gym, my age finally caught up with me and I have put on a few stone and I'm 5"1 so noticeable)I was dumped by a guy I really liked for a prettier younger girl of 27 who has amazing career. He said I was old!!! Wanted a younger girl in get 20'sI have tried to find a job back in Pr (as took a year out for career change- which was a huge mistake and ended up wasting the year and getting 9k further into debt) So since may I have been unemployed and what makes it worse is that it's not like I've not been on interviews, I have been on 22- yes that many for public relations jobs.. and not got one. I have had good feedback from companies, I interview well, loved me, just felt wasn't right. That's always what I'm told! To top this off I am single and back living at home- not met any men since ex left me and feel that I'm going to be jobless and single forever, I'm 31- it's never going to happen for me. I'm also jealous of my best mate, I love her to bits, but she's not loving her job, so went on ONE interview and didn't even do a good job (mucked up the tests) yet somehow they offered her Job and given her a 8,000 pay raise! Plus she's younger than me by 3 years. Not only that but she's recently met a guy and now I'm the only single girl I know and if do meet men there 21, as men my age settled down! the guy is perfect and there all happy. I spend my days in bed and nights crying as I have had so many interviews not got one! My money runs out in month and don't know how make bills/debts payments... I just want a perm full time job I have experience in Pr, so it must be me! No job, no man, nothing My ex and best made bumped into each other last week. Both on dates! Where as I was all my self in my single room. With nothing Shall I just give up
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female
reader, Aingealag  +, writes (8 November 2011):
 I read something the other day that really resonated with me; most people compare themselves "upward". Don't fall into this trap! If you only compare yourself to people who you think are happier, prettier, richer etc. then life gets pretty miserable indeed. But EVERYONE has their struggles, yes even the ones who seem to have it all.
This is rock bottom, you can only go up from here. It's all about the attitude. And when you conquer this, you'll be so much more thankful of your life.
I'm almost 31 myself and funny enough my hardest times were during the times when I had the most; a loving partner, stable job that I liked, enough money... It was my attitude that was making me unhappy because I only saw what I didn't have! No my life has been turned upside down in the past 2 years, I'm low on cash, have very little job security, went through a difficult breakup... but I am happier with myself then ever before, because I've been able to let go of that negative attitude and most importantly; I know now that the only thing constant is change and there is no such thing as security in life! This has been so liberating.
And my newfound peace with myself shows to others as well, because I have never had more friends and attention from guys. Again, it's all in the attitude!
I hope you can climb back up and regain control of your life. Have faith.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2011): I'm not going to give you a story about how much more terrible your life might be because that may not make you feel much better at the moment. You're going through these emotions now and it's best to grieve as you need to and feel that if that is how you feel not try to sweep it under a rug. But don't stop living, loving yourself and seeing your own potential and give yourself praise for what you have already done so far.I would start to make some changes now in your health if you can. Start on an exercise and weight loss program. Cut your portions and eat healthy foods, drink lots of water, take vitamins, meditate. Listen to calming music. This will all help to make you feel better physically and mentally. If you lose weight and you're in better shape it will also boost your self esteem and you will also feel more confident in looking for a job. Go to your doc first to see if hormonal or health issues may have caused this weight gain.Do some volunteer work, go to activities that you like and start to meet other people. Other people are going through similar struggles and it can help to cut down your stress to find common ground with them and to socialize if you're not doing that.At 31 you're still very young and you can achieve all of your goals hopefully with a much better partner who won't abandon you due to your ”age“ or for other reasons. You have a lot of life ahead of you. That man is an ass, and he is not someone who you want to spend your life with. On the job front I would take a full time or a part time job in another field if necessary until another opportunity arrives so you can pay your bills in the meantime. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2011): Don't worry, things will get better. When you hit rock bottom there's no where else to go but up!
everyone will have rough times in their life. Yours happens to be now. Your friends may have it good now, but you don't know in 10 years time the situations could be reversed - their marriages could fall apart, they lose their house and everything they have in divorce, and lose their job at that time too. a car accident can change someone's life forever in a heartbeat, or a natural disaster. You never know. You just never know. What I'm saying is, when people have good fortune they should count their blessings because it could all evaporate tomorrow just like that. Don't think that just because the people around you have it better than you at this moment, that you are destined to always have it worse. You could switch positions with them in a few years so don't get jealous of them. And conversely, when you're having rough times, also realize that it too will pass if you're trying your best to get things on the right track it will happen eventually. For now just focus on one thing at a time and what needs to be done to reach that. Getting a job is the most immediate.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (4 November 2011):
 1. Go to your GP and seek help for your depression. Luckily you have NHS, so that's something to be thankful for when millions of people in the US go without healthcare.
Those people who appear to have everything, really don't. These are trying times and everyone is struggling in some sort of way. So like Happyplace has stated you have things to be thankful for. Whether it's your health, the fact that you're alive, personality, friends, family, roof over your head things could ALWAYS be much worse. In fact, there's people out there who have it much worse than you do.
PR is a competitive field, so you may be better off settling for something less. A job is a job these days, as long as it pays the bills. I know plenty of college graduates, even those with experience in their field of choice, who can't get jobs. They can't pay off their $40,000 + interest student loans. So you're not alone in your feelings.
You may be at a low point in your life, but you can only go up from here. Don't give up on submitting your resume, but keep in mind you may have to settle for less. Also don't give up on your dating life, but maybe place it on hold till you get your life back on track. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2011): What comforts me in this situations is this philosofy: nothing is forever, happiness or sorrow. Life changes all the time. One day you feel like this:miserable and abandoned. Next day you meet someone who ll be a father of your children, then you find a good job. Your boyrfriend is an ass, you dont want him, you know that. Shallow man who picks women based on their age and prettiness. You know what happens to 20 something girls 10 years into the marriage after couple of kids and all the hard work? Stratched bellies, extra weight,and o, surprise, they become 30 something and 40 something. What is going to do your sex, keep on chahging wives and mothers of his children as soon as they get older and not as pretty as they were in their 20s?
Dont dispare. It seems that all around you are happy, happy, but you know that everybody have their own battles to win. 31 years old, how young. all life is ahead of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2011): Happyplace is so right, you have to count your blessings. A great friend of mine is fighting Cancer at the moment and for all the things I don't have, I do have my health and hope.
Head for the Doctors and sort the depression because if you don't you will never look forward. Do some voluntary work using your PR skills.
Maybe look at working abroad instead of UK. Sort your debts too.
There are thousands in your situation at the moment, the problem being you don't know them nor they you.Think of it as a passing phase,because it will pass.One day you will look back and find it hard to believe how down you were.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, Wheeler +, writes (4 November 2011):
 Well the short answer is no, of course you can't give up!
I am 31 years old myself, and have been through some very trying times so far this year. I own my own business, and there were times that I wondered how I would keep the electricity on, the gas running, food for my cats! And even if I made it through these tough times, and just managed to get by, I found myself wondering if that was what I was destined to do for the foreseeable future: make just enough to stay afloat. What was there to look forward to, to hope for?
I see so many people around me laughing and driving nice cars and drinking $5 coffee. I have heard that times are bad just about everywhere in the world, but where were the suffering people? Where were the others like me?
In February I caught my girlfriend cheating on me, and was devastated. Since then I haven't had the desire to date again. Many of my friends are in relationships, and there are many nights that I watch movies alone. I sorely miss the simple company of a woman.
Today I saw an interview of Bill Cosby, he discussed his new book. I didn't really pay attention until I heard him say (paraphrased), "There's just something magical about the touch of another person. The touch of a hand, the closeness of another. It is so simple but so profound. It is something we need."
And I was reminded of how I had gone for so long without that.
My ex is now dating the guy with whom she cheated on me.
I say all of that to say this...
We all have a very human tendency to only derive our hope from what we are aware of, what we have seen or surrounded ourselves with. And when we look around and see nothing to hope for, nothing to work toward, no one to be with next, we begin to despair.
But we are so shortsighted! Our understanding is so limited!
In reality, life has an abundance of things in store for us that we have absolutely no inkling of yet. So many people that will come into our lives. So many opportunities we never knew existed. It is right around the corner!
It is not our job to only work toward the things that we already know, it is our job to work toward and hope for the things that are surely to come.
I hope this makes sense to you.
People are very good at hiding their struggles, that is why we can't look at others and wish we had what they have.
Just know that these difficult times will end, and you will appreciate everything good in your life so much more because of it. Resolve to stay thankful no matter how difficult it may be.
Something else that has helped me through difficult times in my life is to look at the sufferings of others. People who are dying of disease, people with no education that will never get a job they love, or enjoy the finer things in life.
If you have your health then you have much to be thankful for. As for a job or money issues, there are SO many people struggling in this way around the world. It is hard not to lose hope at times. But it will pass.
You may have to take a lower paying job to get by, but that is nothing to be ashamed of. Do what it takes to get by, and rest on the assurance that better things lay ahead for you, even if you can't see it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2011): I am in the same situation with you, but i am 10 years older, i am at my 40, and i feel i got nothing, while people around me are all raised to managerial grade, all married, some with children already, i am still at myself alone, nothing, I read HappyPlace reply and feeling comforted, we need encouragement! My friend just told me yesterday, dont look at what we dont have, treasure with what we have, i know it is hard, but life have to go on,31 is not old at all, not at all, look around the world you should notice people struggle same as you do, feeling depress but life have to continue, lets encourage each other, you are not alone. What i know is if we keep on depress it wont help anything, try to take action little by little to improve ourselves, from internaml to external, I am not only encourage you, but also encourage myself.
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A
female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (4 November 2011):
 Hey, when I was in my thirties I was pretty much like you. I had no one and was very jealous of a friend who had a great job, rich boyfriend, etc. But a lot of it is in your attitude. You also perhaps are a bit depressed which makes things 10 times worse. Perhaps you need an appointment with your Doctor to discuss this. I found it useful to find things each day that I was grateful for (Pollyanna effect), my health, my friends, etc. When you compare yourself to others you may always be lacking so try not to do this. So, you are back at home. This will be temporary and will hopefully allow you to save or pay off your debts. Maybe your friends new bf has friends that might be suitable for you. What about trying a dating site? I am assuming you are on Jobseekers allowance? Go and see Citizens Advice to discuss your debts. Speak to the people you owe money to to explain your situation? They are duty bound I believe to accept reduced payments. The job market in the UK is not good at the moment, with hundreds of people going for the same job. You need to tailor your CV to match exactly the selection criteria of any new job. You are very lucky to have had all those interviews, so you must be pretty good. Be aware that your situation will change, it needs just a small change of attitude from you.I met my current partner when I was forty and had really given up hope. We both lost our jobs due to redundancy (sign of the times) and we really struggled to buy decent food. I was £25,000 in debt and had to speak to all my debtors to arrange to pay them back at £1.00 month, which they accepted. There was a time when I couldn't even afford to buy tampax, until I discovered I had a few points on my Boot's card. After a year, I managed to get a temporary contract with a College. I went to sign with them permanently, and then discovered I had cancer. I was told I had a year to live as the cancer had spread to my liver/adrenal gland, but after starting chemotherapy, the breast tumours shrank but the liver/adrenal didn't (so they weren't secondary cancers, they were benign tumours), so I have a fighting chance and believe you me I'm fighting it. When you are told you have a year left to live, you look around and realise what is important to you. I made peace with everyone I had ever fallen out with and each day is a blessing. I still don't work and we don't have much money but life can be fleeting, so don't waste it feeling sorry for yourself. Things can and will change but you must take that first step. Good luck, chin up and go see your Doctor first xx
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