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female
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*aryB
writes:Is my ex-fiance playing games or is he just too embarrassed to admit he screwed up? My ex left me a yr. ago after 7 yrs. together basically, for someone else although, they did not get together until after he ended it. He also, denies she was the reason he did that to me stating he was ending it because he was unhappy. I was clueless at the time and didn't see it coming as he had just boughten me flowers which he often did only 2 days before. During this past yr. he has been seen driving by my house on several occasions and has told his family and friends that he was not happy with his decisions regarding her and that he regretted what he did to me.I have not had any contact with him this entire yr. except sending him a txt. 4 mths ago telling him he was still in my heart during a weak moment. He inturn did not respond which made me feel like an idiot for sending it. I did not expect him to profess his love for me but, any response would of been nice. Although, I have tried my hardest to move on I must admit I still love him but, have learned to go on with my life without him-needless to say it has been one hell of a roller coaster ride!Two mths. ago I recieved news that they had broken up because they wanted different things in life- she is the one that ended the relationship. Rumor also, has it that she found someone else. How ironic! I have never reponded to any of this info but, he has still been seen driving by my house. Also, his family has all of a sudden in recent wks. contacted me on fb telling me how much they all love and miss me but, nothing has ever been brought up about him from either side.Now comes the confusion..in the last wk. purely by accident we have crossed paths and to my dismay he acts like he doesn't see me when I look at him where in the past he always tried to get my attention. He also, always has a shit-assed grin on his face so I know he really does see me there. His actions have totally amazed me in light of the fact that he continues to check up on me and said all those things to his family and friends. Could it be that now, that she has done to him what he did to me (which he deserves, might I add) he is embarrassed to admit that he made a mistake or is he waiting for me to approach him so he can save face? I know you all are thinking I'm nuts for even wanting anything to do with him but, I can't help how I feel. After 7 yrs. together its very hard to just stop loving someone regardless of what he did to me. Your insight would very much be appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011): if it's been over a year I think you should start dating again to get your mind off your ex.he may just be driving by your house to see if you've moved on for comparison purposes, not because he wants you back but just to get a sense of one-upmanship. he could be someone who can't be alone or is always looking to upgrade his current partner so he may be considering you as a backup plan if he can't find anyone else. but as a backup plan he doesn't actually want you if he can possibly find something else first so thats why he doesn't approach you. don't brood over his recent break up, because it has nothing to do with your life. Except to gloat. But don't be looking to this as any 'sign' of anything. They could be getting back together right now as we speak. he could be driving by her house too. you just don't know. if you want to know what his intentions are, the only way is to confront him directly.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2011): The only way to know what is going on is to speak with him directly and frankly about all of this. Even then he may not tell you the whole truth. But since you're still at a place where you still care for him it may help you to do that. Then if he says he is not interested in making up what he did to you and in a relationship then you can say to yourself I did everything I could and now I need to let myself heal and see what else is out there. The main thing is to protect yourself here, because he is not going to do that obviously after everything he put you through. I totally understand that it is not possible to stop loving someone, but at some point you need to decide how much more of your time and attention you want to put towards something that isn't going to give you what you need and deserve.
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reader, Wheeler +, writes (27 August 2011):
 Has he directly contacted you stating he still has feelings for you? You have to let go of trying to figure out the intentions or motives of all the friends and family that have contacted you. That will get you nowhere.
You also have to take with a grain of salt any news that he has been driving by your house.
You ALSO have to be cautious with news about his recent relationship.
You can only get an idea of where his heart is at based on what he has directly said to you. The sooner you focus on that the clearer this will all be to you.
If he has directly contacted you stating he made a mistake, he still has feelings for you, and he is interested in rekindling a relationship, then you should absolutely ask him why he is not acknowledging you when he sees you in public.
It would probably be very effective to just reply to any such messages he has sent via phone, Facebook, etc. with a question as to why he didn't say anything or even act like he saw you at X event or location (when he acted like he didn't see you).
You could spend a month of Sundays trying to figure out his intentions or heart, but it will get you nowhere. It sounds possible that he is beginning to play games with you, or you are overanalyzing the situation. Both are possibilities based on what you have described.
Be direct, get an answer from him.
And be sure to give us an update.
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