A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im a 24 year old with a little girl. I'm feeling extremely mixed up at the moment. I recently got back together with my little girls daddy (he is 42) who I've known for the last 8 years. In that time we've had an awful lot of problems, break up, custody fights and he married someone else too. Last year he broke up with his wife and December past we decided to try again. We've got to the point where he is here most nights and he wants us to move in together. i thought it's what I wanted.. However. Last year I had a whirlwind romance (if you like) with a guy the same age as myself and I fell for him really quickly. I pushed him away slightly as i wanted my daughter to have her family together for xmas and he ended up finishing with me. He wants me back though.I saw him today and he asked me to go back to him. We almost kissed.. but managed to avoid it. I feel like he gets me but I can't cheat.. I feel like my partner doesnt get me even after knowing me for 8 years but I love him, i think. Am i just wanting something I can't have or am I in the wrong relationship?
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2012): Wow, you are in a major mess. Firstly, I have to say I have a huge issue with any man in his 30s having a relationship with a 16 year old girl. Since then your relationship has been "on-off" and he actually married someone else anyway ... You too have had another relationship ...I would recommend you have some time alone (a period of months if you can manage) when you are not in a relationship with anyone - you need some space and clarity. It is NEVER a good idea to go straight from one relationship to another.And what about your daughter in all this confusion? Don't you think she'll be finding it incredibly unsettling and upsetting to see so many male figures in and out of her mother's life. Think about the role model you want to be for your child, do you want her to repeat all your mistakes?You can stop all the drama and confusion by being single for a while - it would do you the world of good.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (31 March 2012):
 So the "babydaddy" was in his 30's and dating you when you were 16? Sorry, that is a total no-go for me.
I say you, figure out who you think can make YOU happy long term.
JUST because "babydaddy" left his wife doesn't mean he is CAPABLE of being a good partner to you. After all a 30+ guy dating a 16 year old is iffy to me. The fact that he continuously CHEATED on his wife with a REALLY young woman makes him double iffy. The fact that he expect you to WANT him (now that the wife doesn't want him any more) makes it triple.
I mean a guy who will cheat on his wife, treat you like dirt, how do you think he will treat you in the future? He will not change. I see nothing but red flags around the "babydaddy".
Personally, I would date the guy who is closer to you in age, if he has no problem dating a single mom and all that it entails, I think you have a LOT less baggage/drama in your future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2012): I disagree with wheeler. If the young guy truly loves you then he should be the one you're with. Why would you choose your asshole baby-daddy and expect the young guy to keep waiting? That's a terrible way to treat someone who has done you no wrong. I also disagree that children should be the trump card in who you stay in a relationship with. Children and intimate partners are completely separate issues.
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (31 March 2012):
 If I were you, I'd go for the younger guy...not the one who left me and got married to another woman and now wants me back! No way on earth!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2012): How can you take someone back after they ditched you to marry someone else? how do you know he isn't just biding time with you now only to leave you again when he meets someone new and interesting whom he doesn't also have a long history of problems with.
I am always suspicious when people after a breakup or divorce instead of moving forward they go back to an even earlier failed relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2012): Go with the younger guy. You don't know if it will work but with the older guy its already pretty much been proven not to work. He had a kid with you but married someone else and despite that he has failed at marriage too. If at first he didn't want you and also couldn't keep his marriage together and even now still doesnt get you how is it a good idea to stick around just to play house because of the kid.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2012): What on earth 'wheeler' was thinking og saying that! 'If the younger guy loves you he will respect that'...no he wont! He will be jealous and want to get over you and move on like any normal person would. Why should he wait around for OP to make a decision and be put through the pain OP has been put through with this married guy. Look! This married guy cheated on his wife with you, caused you a heck of alot of heart ache through your daughter and other ways also no doubt.In this situation i would like to say go for the younger guy as this is a clean fresh slate for you and your daughter. Baby daddy wasted far too much time making his mind up and broke too many hearts in the process. I fear you will never be happy with him or able to trust him. I also KNOW that if you do choose to make a go of it with him, the younger guy will not be there when it goes wrong. He will be long gone and heartbroken.
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A
male
reader, Wheeler +, writes (31 March 2012):
 You won't get anywhere trying to figure out both situations at the same time, believe me! There are unique issues inherent to both relationships.
Which means you will have to focus on one of the relationships first. And it is always my belief that children are the trump card when it comes to these decisions. I would suggest that you first focus on the relationship with your daughter's father. It will take your full attention and honest commitment to that relationship to determine whether it can work.
And although that may take time, and be very difficult for the younger guy to handle, if he truly loves you he will respect that decision and wait for you. If he won't then he is probably not best for you anyway.
If you keep up a relationship with both of them then you will continue to be confused and running back and forth. Most likely you would end up with neither of them after a while.
Decide on one of the guys and commit to that relationship long enough to decide if that is what is best for both you and your daughter.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (31 March 2012):
 Did he divorce his wife or is he in the process already? I need to understand what the "awful lot of problems and break ups" are about then I can give you more advice.
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