A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Has anyone here ever dumped anyone over pornography use? How bad was it? I want to find a man who doesn't use it so I can feel special for once.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2012): Eek are you being sarcastic? Damn why couldnt my boyfriend of thought like you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI should of been sneakier, I should of just been quiet when I saw the folders and waited until they disappeared on there own.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2012): One question OP. Is porn that much of a deal breaker that you could meet a great guy, who makes you feel more special than anyone ever has, would you really dump him because he has watched porn?
You make it sound like no guy has ever made you feel special.
Just remember OP our porn watching is nothing to do with or your specialness, if that was the case how could any guy feel special when our girlfriends spend so much time drooling over Hugh Jackman topless and watching romantic movies to see the handsome male lead actor seduce the average looking female lead?
Maybe it's time we guys through that crap right back at you and started complaining about women using other guys to stir up their romantic emotions. Because I can tell you if women let other guys in real life make them feel the way those actors do we guys would have a huge problem. Maybe it's time we started to feel threatened by your fantasies.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2012): I wouldn't hesitate to dump a guy over porn use because I consider it a form of sexual perversion. Just my opinion.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2012): Hi. I once dumped a person because of pornography. The type of porn that he found sexually arousing worried me. So he was let go. It is possible to find a man that wont watch porn while he is with you. I have one, which is cool because I dont like pornography. I have watched some but it was rank and not something I need in my life.
I hope you do find someone who makes you feel special and if you do, make him feel special too x
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (20 March 2012):
 With the exception of those too young to be able to do it, 100% of people have told lies at some point, particularly those involving things that do not enjoy social acceptance, such as pornography. So if you ask a man "of reproductive age" whether he has watched porn, most will say they didn't but of course they all did.
This is like asking women if they have ever had any sexual feelings for a man not their bride, husband, boyfriend, whatever. Of course not.
Who says a man can't find you special even if he looks at porn?
At some point in my life (I forget when), I heard so many comments by so many women about just how hot they found Brad Pitt when he "performed" in Troy. Yeah, he was great, whatever... That does not qualify as "porn" these days -although it would have qualified as such not so long ago-
but it is a good way to illustrate what I mean. Someone may look at porn (just the way a woman might check the manly neighbor) but that does not mean they don't find you special.
Admittedly, it is difficult not to feel bad when someone you love manifests sexual interest for people other than you. In that case, if you find the porn your guy is watching upsetting, you can choose to dump him or not. That should not depend on whether someone else did it, or didn't do it. If it does not go with what you find acceptable, so be it.
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (20 March 2012):
 It's from the Kinsey institute and matches with several other large studies (over 11,000 participants in each). "Currently" should have been "regularly," meaning at least once per month.
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male
reader, Wheeler +, writes (20 March 2012):
 I'm interested in the research methods used to determine that 30% of men do not "currently" look at porn. Does that mean that 30% of all men are not looking at porn THIS INSTANCE? :-)
Does it mean that 30% of men haven't viewed porn in the last week or month?
I don't mean to belittle the OP's post or get off subject, but it seems to me there is really only one way to know what percentage of men are currently looking at porn (whatever that means in and of itself), and that is to ASK. So, they asked a bunch of men and eventually determined that 30% of men are not currently looking at porn.
What country were they in? That itself would make an enormous difference.
I just find it a little humorous for a woman (no offense) to be making such a definitive statement about the intimate behavior of men. I also find it humorous that any study would claim to be definitive based solely on the word of men about their own (some would consider embarrassing) behavior.
On the other hand, I know at least 30% of men out there would have a vested in interest in NOT being honest about their sexual behavior. Not because they are devious, or because anything is wrong with them, but just because some may betoo embarrassed to talk about how often they look at porn.
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female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (20 March 2012):
 I would never dump a guy just for looking at porn. That would be like a man dumping a girl for watching chick flicks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2012): Yes i meant whilst they are in a relationship with you. The girl below lucky you, you understand me!!
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (20 March 2012):
I don't think the OP means someone who has never looked, I think she means someone who currently does not look. Approximately 30% of men do not currently use pornography. My current boyfriend does not, all the ones before him did I think, though I never asked. I do genuinely feel a lot more special and attractive with the one who does not, though I didn't think about it much before we started dating.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 March 2012):
 I think it would come down to few things. What kind of porn he watches and how often. I'm not a fan of porn, my husband is. He doesn't watch it that often and what he likes is pretty "tame". I can live with that and I don't feel any less "sepcial".
But if I dated a guy and he liked sick shit and watched at every opportunity + he rather watch his porn then make love, heck yea, I would dump him in a NY minute. Same would go for a husband.
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male
reader, Wheeler +, writes (20 March 2012):
This has been a somewhat polarizing topic in the past, so I can say with confidence that men and women see it VERY differently. Something you should really commit to understanding is that men do know the difference between porn and reality (in most cases). Just because your significant other has viewed or does view porn does not mean he is comparing you to these women./p
pAnd some more bad news, the overwhelming majority of men have viewed porn or occasionally view porn. To be honest, I don't really feel that the word porn is completely fair. It seems like a rather crude word to use if you are looking at classy nudity of the tame kind. In other words, I don't think the same word that describes some violent, painful-looking encounter that demeans the woman should also describe a classy and well done instance of nudity or sexual encounter that is mutually enjoyed./p
pI don't think simply being told this is necessarily going to help you get past these feelings. That will more likely come with time and the realization that it is as common as peeing outside for most guys. :-)
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female
reader, LovelyLemon +, writes (20 March 2012):
 I, personally, don't really like that my boyfriend watches porn, but it's certainly not a deal-breaker. We talked about both of our feelings, and reached compromise. Sometimes we watch certain things together, sometimes he's solo. I would like for him to stop completely, but I know that won't happen and I'm not going to pull my hair out and ruin our awesome relationship over a silly thing like porn.
Much love and Best wishes
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female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (20 March 2012):
 I understand you completely. I hate porn, it makes me feel so unspecial. I have a huge problem with it, that's why I don't tolerate it in a relationship.
Yes it's perfectly okay to not like porn, and despite what some men say, yes you can find a guy who doesn't use it.
It's funny, all the guys who use porn will always say that you can't find a guy who doesn't use it, and generally make fun of you for it. And the guys who don't use it will tell you that yes you can find one.
However, chances are you're not going to find a guy who hasn't used porn in his entire life. You run into that stuff everywhere. You can find a guy who doesn't use it anymore, or won't use it while he's with you.
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female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (20 March 2012):
I am sorry to say, but I think you need to take your rose tinted glasses off!
I doubt there is a man on this earth who has never at some point watched porn, or women for that matter unless they haven't got electricity!
Perhaps the problem lies more with yourself and lack of confidence? If you are happy with who you are then watching porn shouldn't really bother you. Personally, it doesn't bother me and I wouldn't/haven't been concerned with a partner watching it alone or with me - but like someone else stated, if it replaced our sexual activities then alarm bells would ring and I would address the problem.
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male
reader, eek +, writes (20 March 2012):
 For me personally I only look at porn if im single after all when you are in a relationship you dont need porn as you have someone you share a connection with, to cuddle up to and make love to. When ever im in a relationship all porn is forgotten i thought most people were like that?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDanielepew i meant when they are in a relationship.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 March 2012):
 Why do you think that only a man who does not use porn can make you feel special? I am with a man who uses porn AND also admires young pretty things out on the street (and is vocal and honest about it with me) and YET I feel special with him. I know I rock his world and that he loves me…
I agree with KC100.. it’s not that they USE porn (or have fantasies about women they see on the street or the such) it’s if the use is excessive and negatively impacts on your life with him.
My partner uses porn… we even have been known to watch it together and use it as a gateway to start a little something something on our own…but he treats me like a queen and he does not use porn to replace ME….
So what is it you need from a man to make you feel special for once?
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (20 March 2012):
 I've never dumped a guy over pornography, I personally have no problem with a man using it unless it got to the point where he chose pornography over sex.
However let me just tell you this - if you think you will meet a man that NEVER uses it, then you will waiting a very long time to find him I'm afraid. I would think that about 90% (or maybe more) of the UK male population use pornography at some point in time. So to find that 10% (or maybe less) of men who do not ever use it will be so difficult, so you might end up being alone for a very very long time.
So what I will say is - what is your relationship like apart from the porn? Because if everything else is great and it is simply him using porn occasionally, then to me that is not a good reason to leave him and you should think about getting relationship counselling, or going to therapy for your own self esteem problems rather than dumping a perfectly great guy over something like this.
But if he is obessive with the porn use and he neglects you and chooses porn over sex with you - then by all means dump him.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (20 March 2012):
Poster, please don't take this personally or badly, but I understand there are a few hermits deep in the dry mountains of the desert in the Sinai peninsula. Those may have never had any look at porn. Or they repented. Try one of them.
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