A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I have been in a relationship with my gf for almost three years. However throughout those years it's been good and it has been REAL bad. She has a short temper and gets mad real easy. She also loves to argue. When I ignore her she comes back and act like nothing happened. In the past few months I have been debating on moving on. I even told her I'm fed up and tired with the drama. Last week a female friend just moved here. We haven't seen each other in many years. When she found out I was here she was so excited to see me. She told me that she wanted to hangout with me this weekend. Which we did. We shot pool and had a great time with my friends. I told her about my gf. However, she has been a tad bit different but she still wants to be around me. I like this woman she's fun, sexy, and smart. I already know what I want to do with my gf. I'm not sure if she really likes me or if she wants to be my friend and just enjoys being around me. What do think I should do? What is the best way to approach her without pushing her away? Thanks Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2016): Thank you all for responding.
A
female
reader, Songwr1ter  +, writes (10 January 2016):
Break up with your current girlfriend first. Then just continue to be friends with the other woman, but don't jump into anything too fast... Just break up with this current girl, and just have fun, whilst getting over that relationship, and let everything happen naturally.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 January 2016):
 So stop stringing the GF along! Break up with her. You already have one foot out the door "chasing" this "old friend", so why not be SINGLE?
If it's not working between you and your GF, you end it.
Whether this old friend" is interested in more with you or not, IS IRRELEVANT for now.
Dump the GF, take some time getting over that relationship, try and figure out why you stayed with the GF as long as you did considering you can't stand the drama. And once you have dealt with the past THEN you can look to the future and maybe a new relationship.
Don't try and "get with" the "old friend" right after you dump the GF. You REALLY don't know her that well, she could be.. (who knows) an even bigger drama-llama. So spend time with her as friends while you "digest" the past.
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A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (10 January 2016):
 Are you hiding this female friend from your gf? Or are you in a Long Distance Relationship and your gf didn't know you went out with this girl? I guess I can say you are very smart to tell this female friend that you have a gf because you know sooner or later she will find out from mutual friends. It's like you're setting the stage. Then you will tell this female friend that your gf is a drama queen and all the two of you ever do is argue. Your female friend will feel sorry for the way your gf treats you and -voila you got her sympathy and heart. I think you're smart and know your game.You fail to realize that everyone here understands it takes two to tango. Your gf does not act up on her own.. How are your actions contributing to her 'drama'? You never disclosed that. Yet through all that 'drama' you chose to stay with your gf... why? Because you hadn't yet found another boat to jump into? Please act like a man and break up with your gf. She deserves better. And whether it works out with this new girl or not, own up to your decision.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2016): Ciar, I agree. I'm not going to just jump out of this relationship into another one right away.Wheeler, Yes I'm referring to the new girl (old friend). Yes I have been considering breaking up with my gf for months. Yes we live together. My gf is already considering on moving out. We had broken up multiple times in the 3 years. The last time was in October 2015. Then we got back together. We had a major argument again last month. I'm seriously thinking about it. She has a good heart but she also has a short temper. This relationship has become toxic. As for the other woman; after I told her about my situation. I start receiving mix signals from her. One minute it seems like she into me. Then the next minute it doesn't feel that way. If I text her she text right back within seconds multiple times. But I would have to be the one to initiate the contact. If I'm around she wants to be around me. She asked me last night if she can hangout with me next weekend. I told her I was considering (20/80) taking this job in several months (just a change of scenery. I really like my current job. No I'm not basing my decision on her). But she asked me to stay so we can hangout a lot more. As of right now she is looking for a car. She ask me if I can take here wherever she needs to go until then. Even though there are other people that I work with who have cars. Yes I did tell her that my relationship with my gf has been bad for awhile. Trust me I'm not trying to move too fast with this situation. I will most likely end my other relationship because it's too stressful. I haven't contact my lady friend all day because I don't want to come off being clingy and I'm also trying to chill a little bit. My friends believe she likes me. One of them told me when he was taking her around her face lit up when he mentioned that I was here. To be honest I really want to know what's on her mind. I am just trying to find away to approach her without looking stupid. How should I approach her? I appreciate the responses from you both.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (10 January 2016):
 I take knowing what you want to do with your girlfriend to mean you want to break up with her. I can't say I blame you but what does this old female friend have to do with it?
Surely you're not planning on stringing your girlfriend along until you set up something with someone else.
In fact if you are sure, then the sooner you do it the better and let the dust settle before you start dating this new one. If you become serious with the new one too soon folks will assume you and she were cheating and that she is the cause of the break up (with your current girlfriend). That wouldn't be very nice for her, would it?
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A
male
reader, Wheeler +, writes (10 January 2016):
 There is a little bit of confusion about exactly who you are talking about when you say "she" at the end of your explanation. Specifically when you say you are not sure whether she really likes you of just wants to be friends. I assume that part refers to the new girl?
First things first, your current GF. You say that you have been considering breaking up with her for a few months, after dating a few years. How serious has that consideration been? Have you had any short break-ups or time apart, do you live together, is this the first time you have reached a point where you are ready to possibly break up with her?
Is the introduction of the new girl the catalyst to you now being ready to break up with your current GF, or would you not be at this point if the new girl was not in the picture?
If your feelings about your current GF are possibly temporary then you may want to slow down this train a little. Three years is significant, and deserves careful consideration as to whether any issues the two of you have can be worked through. The grass may NOT be greener, and the last thing you want is to find that out AFTER you have done irreversible damage to your current relationship.
If, on the other hand, you have been back and forth with your GF for months, and are tired of the drama because it has been sustained and seems likely to continue, then maybe you are best advised to move on. Just try to separate your decision about the current relationship from any temporary feelings for the new girl, if possible. Or at the least make it 70/30. :-)
Now about the new girl. It is my opinion, as a member of the male species (pretty sure they are a different species), that it is very important that you continue to be on the up-and-up with her. It is excellent that you made her aware of your GF, some men wouldn't (to their own detriment).
She will respect you for that. At the same time, you can't expect her to be thrilled to continue hanging out with you, or to let any sparks fly, if you are not single. Unless she is devious and not interested in doing things the right way. You know her better than we do, so you know where she is coming from.
You have to be VERY careful about telling her you may be considering breaking up with your GF, if you were thinking about taking that route. First of all, you will be putting yourself on a timetable. Also, you risk putting pressure on her if she interprets that as being because of her. I recommend you not telling her that unless she asks. If she asks then you are not putting pressure on her, or installing a timetable.
If you already have told her that then just be careful not to push that agenda too much. Keep it as casual as possible.
It is going to be very difficult to approach her, as you say, while still dating someone else. If you and your GF live together it is going to be almost impossible, if you are trying to be honest with both parties and not cause drama.
It is a great thing to have someone you are already interested in (and vice versa) at the time you are ending a relationship. Just be careful to identify what exactly is happening. Is the new girl a rebound, or someone you want to start a relationship with? That determination will be important for you going forward.
To summarize: Determine whether you want to end your current relationship, keeping any feelings about the new girl separate from that decision if possible. Be upfront with the new girl. Determine what exactly you want from this relationship/reacquaintance with the new girl.
Best of luck!
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