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... Send *ynchrohobbit a private message | | | *ynchrohobbit's profile:I am a dispassionate realist, which means that while I cannot make you feel better about your situation, I can provide logical advice that a sex and love distracted mind may not think of. If you went through a bad break-up, I'd get you to a bar full of hot singles and shots; I wouldn't rent a romantic comedy and buy ice cream for us to cry over. If you were thinking about when to have sex with a new partner, I'd say as soon as possible. If you were pondering a new step in a relationship, I'd tell you to make a pros and cons list, not "follow your heart."
I'm probably not qualified to help people. I wan't even a psych major in college. I did recently finish a long-term relationship with a messy break-up, went through a period of promiscuity, and have now settled into a relationship with a man equally as cynical as myself. |
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Is it worth it to stay with my boyfriend when all his female friend does is start trouble?
Q. Hey everyone. I'm just trying to get some opinions on a problem. Would you say it's worth it to stay in a relationship with a guy when a female friend of his does nothing but start trouble? Me and my boyfriend have a good relationship and...
A. 9 May 2013: This is a tough situation...she obviously has a romantic interest in your boyfriend, even if he doesn't at all, but directly bringing it up with him might seem like jealousy. I wouldn't talk about the fact that you think she is flirting with him, ... (read in full...)
I let a date get out of hand and now I feel guilty
Q. So a lot has happened since the last time I was here OBVIOUSLY because I'm 17 now. Not much in the relationship/boy department just life in general... Until last night. SO Sunday, I met this boy. He was the friend of a friend and he asked me for ...
A. 9 May 2013: The reason you feel guilty and bad is because you were taught to feel this way. You had sex with someone...you will have sex again, and it will probably be better, but some of it might be worse. Unless you smoked about five bowls, the pot probably ... (read in full...)
I don't feel as close to my boyfriend as I think I should?
Q. Hey everyone. I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 25. We've been dating for 4 months. I'm not expecting him to tell me he loves me or anything but I feel very little intimacy with him. He talks about himself a lot and he seems to have a lot going for hi...
A. 9 May 2013: I recently ended a relationship that had some similarities. He probably likes you, and likes spending time with you as a friend and sexual partner, but he is not able to commit in any meaningful way. It is difficult because I'm sure you enjoy him ... (read in full...)
How do I get him to stay at home with me instead of going out till all hours?
Q. I wonder if anyone can advise how to get my partner to stop leaving me by myself for hours and not coming home till 11 at night. I know he isn't cheating or taking drugs. I work from home, so I'm often tied to being in the house, but I haven't ...
A. 12 December 2011: This sounds completely unfair to you. It is not as if he is just hanging out with his friends late at night; it also sounds as though he is shirking any of his responsibilities. Could you provide more information about the relationship? It ... (read in full...)
Establishing friendship: does she dislike me or needs more time to get to know me?
Q. I became friends with a guy about five months ago; most of his other friends like me enough and others I'm probably indifferent to, which I have no huge problems with. The girl he hangs out with during classes and after them too has a mixed ...
A. 12 December 2011: Are you at all interested in this boy romantically? Even if she is not, she still may be protecting him somewhat or, unfortunately, has just decided that no one can have him. I suspect, however, she is just a little shy and that is how she ... (read in full...)
Why is he looking at me after he ended the heat to a simmer?
Q. HELLO; So after two years of heart ache and having to work with this guy I decided to end it within myself in even knowing him .He's always so bac and forth, talks to me, then is mean, I just can't take it anymore. He knows I care for him cuz that's ...
A. 9 December 2011: This sounds like a classic case of "I don't want what I can have, but I really want what I can't." When he knew you were still pining for him it was easy to let you come and go into his life when he wanted, but now that he senses you have uprooted ... (read in full...)
Should I be concerned by the lack of sex/intimacy in our relationship
Q. I am 34 and my girlfriend is 31. We have been seeing each other for about 10 months and i've been living at her place for 4. We are both very serious about the relationship and talk about a future together, house/kids the only trouble is i find that ...
A. 9 December 2011: She actually told you how intimate she was with other boyfriends? If she keeps bringing that up I would be concerned that she thinks something is missing. However, there is also a possibility that the sexual intensity of some of her past ... (read in full...)
Do I stay with my sick ex, or go with my new love
Q. I am driving myself crazy and feel like I am tearing myself into two!! A few months back I left my ex because I had really strong feelings for another guy and felt I couldn't be with my ex because it wouldn't be fair on him and I really wanted to ...
A. 7 December 2011: It seems like your ex is using his disease as emotional blackmail to force you to get back with him. That is completely unfair to you, and very similar to someone threatening suicide if a relationship ends. If you no longer love him you should not ... (read in full...)
Trying to be the husband she and most would want, but is she losing interest in me?
Q. I have been married now over a 10 years, I really love my wife and have done everything in my power to make her happy to be married to me. In addition to that, I read a lot into what women would like in a husband just to make sure I am better than...
A. 7 December 2011: It sounds like you are doing nothing wrong, and your marriage has simply entered a rut that will take serious conversations, planning, and/or therapy to pull out of. Many women start losing their sex drives as they age (as do men) and that could be ... (read in full...)
Dating Sites - Good or Bad?
Q. Dating Sites..Good or bad? I've got serious doubts on whether dating sites are a good way to meet anyone. I'm not the most outgoing of people and I'm trying to think of a way to get proactive in finding a relationship. (After all, I can't expect M...
A. 7 December 2011: I think dating sites are one of the great advances the internet has provided us. You can meet people who are very good matches for you that you never otherwise would have contact with, even if they are right in your area. I honestly think meeting ... (read in full...)
Feeling like I am settling, but he is truly fantastic
Q. I'm a survivor of domestic violence that went on for 3.5 years. I was 17 to 20 when it all happened and the guy I was with was nine months younger than me. Anyway, I never truly gave myself the chance to grow into my own and learn to be independent ...
A. 7 December 2011: I don't see anything you said, other than the second to last sentence, that remotely sounds like settling. Does he have a low income and that is why you are worried about turning out like your parents? Or do you mean settling because you didn't ... (read in full...)
Twice Rejected and Insecure
Q. I had a relationship that ended badly as he said he didn't want anything serious then the day after started going out with another girl. Ive just picked myself up about this and seeing another guy when he told me he wasn't that into me and prefered ...
A. 7 December 2011: First of all, please be careful about your weight. Eating disorders are something that are much, much easier to help early on. I highly doubt either of these guys meant to hurt you personally; they are teenagers and won't really hesitate when ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend all about money?
Q. I may be completely overreacting but out of curiosity.. Yesterday I helped my boyfriend out with his Biology final exam (online)...When we were done, he scored a good grade and said "you've earned yourself a fancy dinner for helping me." He always i...
A. 6 December 2011: I don't see a problem with him celebrating little things by spending some money he normally wouldn't; the problem is that he is making you feel guilty for receiving these things. However, from a couple of things you said it made it sound like you ... (read in full...)
How do I leave this relationship
Q. I first met my boyfriend at a party some time last year. I went outside to get some fresh air and he followed me and stayed with me the entire night. We were working together at the same place at the time, but in different departments so we never ...
A. 6 December 2011: I am so sorry this happened. I had a situation not nearly as bad as this and it nearly drove me into the ground. I completely understand how isolated you might feel since your whole life has been revolving around him, so you haven't been able to ... (read in full...)
If he's with me then why doesn't he remove his status as being single?
Q. Ive been seeing this guy for a year now, on and off. When we are together its great and I love him to bits. But one thing is bugging me. He has his relationship status as single on his facebook and when I ask him why he just shrugs it off and says ...
A. 6 December 2011: I think you are completely right to be annoyed by this. You aren't asking for a "facebook official" relationship; you are asking him to stop blatantly advertising his bachelorhood. It certainly seems like he is trying to keep it open-ended so that ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to have quirks about your body regarding sex?
Q. Well, I'm a bit embarrassed to be writing this but I would be extremely grateful for some advice. I'm really confused about my body and what could be wrong with me, because of weird ability or inability to orgasm (please read on). well, believe ...
A. 6 December 2011: A lot of men end up with this same this. After years of masturbation, sex is a completely different feeling that takes adjustment too before an orgasm can happen. If you have been masturbating a certain way for the past decade or two it is just ... (read in full...)
Is there anything I can say to get us back together without sounding desperate?
Q. Ok, so I am a teenager. About a month ago I got my very first boyfriend. It was wonderful; I really like him. He's a teenager too, he's just a few years older than I am. He is very kind and very sweet. About a week ago, he broke up with me. He s...
A. 6 December 2011: It sounds like he is still interested and just needed to uncomplicate his life. If you are still spending time together I think you need to let him go at his own pace. I think it might not be appropriate that he is sending you texts like that when ... (read in full...)
What is the right way to handle this situation with my cousin?
Q. First i would like to say 'hai'. I have this male cousin of mine, he s 2 years older than me. He lives far away but he sometimes visit during the holidays. So today he visited and he will be here for the coming two weeks. What worries me s that, he ...
A. 6 December 2011: It definitely sounds as though he has some sort of romantic and sexual feelings for you. Although I don't know about laws and practices for cousins like this in South Africa, I do know it is not okay that he tried to force you to kiss him, and that ... (read in full...)
What should I do about this teacher, that I think has a crush on me?
Q. I am 16 and in grade 11. My school is a small school with 7 grades in it. I had this teacher in my grade 8-9 years. I still see him a lot because I help him with 2 of the activities at my school. Lately I have been getting these mixed signals from ...
A. 6 December 2011: Nothing you are doing is wrong. It is incredibly normal for someone your age to develop a crush on an older man giving them attention. What is wrong is the attention he is giving you, both because he is your superior and much much older. I do not ... (read in full...)
Whenever I ask her if she likes him she says no. Is she trying not to hurt me?
Q. There's this girl i have liked since last year. We just started back talking. My friend that I hoop with during gym likes her too. He does stuff like touch her boobs and play around. I'm not that kind of guy so me and her just talk and flirt.We text ...
A. 6 December 2011: I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you might get placed in the "friend zone" without a minor amount of physicality. I am definitely not saying to grad her chest and stop being nice to her; I am saying that girls her age are not quite mature ... (read in full...)
He said he "loved" me...but then he said he "liked" me and I now have doubts
Q. This is both incredibly neurotic and potentially important. I have been dating my current boyfriend for four months; we met on a dating site, immediately clicked, have great sex, and almost always spend our weekends together (with other people ...
A. 6 December 2011: Although the title to the question is completely misleading and the question probably too confusing, still totally right that I am being just too nervous about the situation.
... (read in full...)
How do I make it clear that I'm there for her as a friend?
Q. last year at college i met this girl who i have become friends with we both left college to do something different and we hadn't spoken for a while then we caught up abit through texting and then a few brief times on facebook but the other day she ...
A. 30 November 2011: I don't think you can make her feel that way. She probably knew that you were interested in her at college and turned to you for some validation when her current boyfriend was making her question her value. In fact, if this is really the only ... (read in full...)
Family keep pushing us together. Yet I suspect he's Gay. Why does he say he'll ask me out when I'm "Free"? I am single.
Q. So there's this guy right. He's such a great guy, we met actually a year ago yesterday, but I've only seen him a couple of times.. I get really nervous around him.. Why I don't know but I do.. His mom and my sister are friends. Since the first ti...
A. 30 November 2011: This is a pretty ridiculous situation...this woman pretending you are her daughter-in-law, this closeted guy pretending to be the father of his mom's child, everyone acting like this is perfectly normal. Ignore him, and if you don't feel ... (read in full...)
Should I stay committed or move on?
Q. First off, I'll go ahead and tell you that im only 14. Laugh if you want, but I take this seriously. I was with my boyfriend for 14 months.. Then we broke up, about two weeks ago told me he cant go a day without thinking about me. he knows im still ...
A. 30 November 2011: First of all, this post is more mature than some of the ones by people 30+, both in terms of your thought processes and your grasp of the English language. If he is dating another girl and telling you he thinks about you all the time, he is ... (read in full...)
It stresses me out that he's so close to his female friend!
Q. Ok here is the deal my boyfriend has this friend thAts a girl and he talks to her alot and I swear no matter what I say doesn't ever feel good enough becuz I have a feeling she'd say it better and I think I am break up with him over her because it ...
A. 30 November 2011: Do you think he might just be asking her for some relationship advice or maybe what to do to make you happy since he doesn't want to talk directly to you? That would be incredibly mature for a male his age, so it is also possible that he considers ... (read in full...)
I get so close but never actually have an orgasm
Q. Slightly embarrassing but I can't seem to orgasm. My bf and I have been together about 6 months and he has made me orgasm once but it took forever. He does all the right things and I always get so so close but never actually there. Any advice? Is it ...
A. 30 November 2011: Well, he is probably doing something very differently than you are if you can orgasm quickly by yourself but have so much trouble with him. Does it ever hurt when he touches you? Are you nervous when you become intimate? Does he usually skip over ... (read in full...)
I'm not model material and don't want my b/f to photograph me
Q. My boyfriend is a photographer, and he wants to photograph me for part of his portfolio. I insists I should do it but I'm so worried. The other girls he photographs are skinny models. I'm a uk size 8-10. I know I'm not fat but I will just not look ...
A. 30 November 2011: Are you worried about what people will think when he sees you in his portfolio? It sounds like he doesn't care at all about these other models and would really like to photograph you because he loves your body. I think it would be a good exercise ... (read in full...)
Technique of sex with elder lady
Q. I am going to have sex with a lady elder to me by three years..she is 44. I want to know how should i go about it all the way from beginning (kissing) to end (till she is complete). And what should i do if i come early, then what should i do ?...so ...
A. 29 November 2011: Just FYI to commenters, he isn't saying she is old, she is saying he is his elder, and if he has generally had sex with women much younger this might make a difference.... (read in full...)
If he pulls out before he comes does that reduce the chance of pregnancy?
Q. Ok me and my boyfriend was talking about if we have sex and he pulls out before the semen comes out does that reduce the possibility of me getting pregnant ? Haha sorry about how I ask the question I just really didn't know how to put it ...
A. 29 November 2011: Reduce, yes. Prevent, no. Is there a reason you wouldn't use condoms and birth control pill (preferably both)? If you both feel too awkward getting these, then you are not ready to have sex. I am very thankful that you were able to find some ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wants to have sex but I know he'll tell everyone!
Q. So I was faced with 2 problems this past weekend..first..my boyfriend told me that his mom doesn't like me...she use to but I don't talk to her in public..so she thinks I'm being like a snob or something which is absolutely not the case...I have ...
A. 29 November 2011: I don't know why people are chastising you for his mother's opinion...she is the adult, and it definitely speaks to her level of maturity if she needs validation from a teenager. I doubt his parents "hate" you, and there is a good possibility that ... (read in full...)
I prefer masturbation to girls!
Q. Is that normal? I've been on SSRIs for about a year and stopped a few weeks ago as i'd had enougn of feeling like a zombie and not being able to sleep at night and just being tired all the time and understanding nothing in my lectures. I'm 20 and i...
A. 29 November 2011: If this is the only thing being affected by being off medication in your life, than I think whatever you are doing is just fine...sex is a fun but not necessary part of modern society. However, these feelings don't just generally come in one spot ... (read in full...)
Sleeping with an EX who is with someone else... Do I go for it or no
Q. Okay so here is my problem. Ive been sleeping with my ex boyfriend (we will call him Chad) but chad is kind of still with his Baby mama. I am 19 years old and we havnt dated since I was around 15. When we was in jail we wrote n we decided we would ...
A. 29 November 2011: Let me just be really simple: no. No, you should not.... (read in full...)
Spotting before my period is due and definitely not pregnant....is this normal?
Q. I have been on the pill for 10 months, never missed a pill, take it at the same time to the minute, but every month before my period is due, i have brown spotting and then my period follows as normal. i have been to the doctors and they advised to ...
A. 29 November 2011: Is it simply spotting a couple times or is there almost a light flow for a few days? Is it at all predictable? It took me over a year to find a birth control that did not make me have my period ever two weeks and for an extended period of time, so ... (read in full...)
I'm scared because I'm starting to really like him and I think I should hold off on the sex, but our sexual chemistry is through the roof.
Q. I met this guy on an Internet dating site, we spoke on the phone for 3.5 hours before meeting up and numerous texts. We went out for a very nice dinner and made plans to see each other a couple days later. We ended up sleeping together and he ...
A. 29 November 2011: I am personally of the opinion that sexual chemistry should come first, and love develop after. It is not like you two met drunk at a nightclub and went home together. You were both out looking and talked and got to know each other a little before ... (read in full...)
It used to be sooo amazing until we moved in together.
Q. I have been dating my fiance for 4 1/2 years. We were that disgusting couple that every one who walked past us probably thought we should get a room. Ever since we moved in with eachother, our love life and sex life went down the drain complete...
A. 29 November 2011: It sounds like she is exploring other parts of life, and sex just isn't on the forefront of her mind. One of the issues of moving in together is of course access and lack of anticipation. You used to need to have sex at certain times, when you ... (read in full...)
Sex tips, anyone???
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm gonna make this short and sweet. I'm really looking for male opinions, but females are welcome to respond, too. Basically, I need the best, sexiest, most awesome, most successful tips that anybody can think of for turning on a guy...
A. 29 November 2011: I am not a guy but I have been with enough that I can say there are some nearly universal things that will work, although there are tons of little things specific to each man. If I am assuming you are looking at a male in your age group, I would ... (read in full...)
Met two people in a bar, now the guy wants to meet up again. Should I meet him alone or with his friend?
Q. I met a guy and his female friend in a bar on Sunday and I have their phone numbers. The guy said he wants to meet up with me again, but I'm not sure whether to meet him on his own, or meet him and his female friend together. He fancies me, so I'm ...
A. 29 November 2011: It seems a little odd that you ended up with both their numbers. They aren't a couple looking for a third, are they? I would call him for a casual hangout and his intentions (and your feelings on the situation) will become apparent rather quickly.... (read in full...)
How can I stop comparing myself to other women?
Q. How can I stop comparing myself to other women, especially my friends? I have a friend who is gorgeous. She is older than me but it's as if she doesn't age. She is shorter than me, and plumper, but she is lucky in that she just looks thick, not fat ...
A. 29 November 2011: First of all, you can't. We will always compare ourselves to each other. It's perfectly normal, and simply an instinct to compete for mates. However, I highly doubt that you are plain and uninteresting, and suspect you are just slightly lacking in ... (read in full...)
What's going on between my B/f and this other girl? Do they have a history? Does he want her?
Q. I noticed that my bf has been exchanging messages on fb with a girl he's not friends with on fb. She lives in our area according to her profile. I secretly viewed their messages and it seems that they are not flirting or anything. I'm jealous bc ...
A. 29 November 2011: This is definitely sounding like some emotional fling he is hiding from you. He might be struggling with something else in his life and need this temporarily, but he could also be thinking about your relationship (for whatever reason). I hope you ... (read in full...)
I want to ask for her phone number but don't want to creep her out
Q. help please. i want to ask this girl for her number but i dont know how without creepin her out. we have only talked once before so how do i approach her and what should i say? would telling her that i think she is amazing and i would like to kno ...
A. 29 November 2011: That is very useful information. I would attempt to get a seat close to her and start with small talk about class assignments. Eventually you can ask her questions, and ask if she could give you some help with a homework assignment. It feels ... (read in full...)
I want to ask for her phone number but don't want to creep her out
Q. help please. i want to ask this girl for her number but i dont know how without creepin her out. we have only talked once before so how do i approach her and what should i say? would telling her that i think she is amazing and i would like to kno ...
A. 29 November 2011: There needs to be a lot more information to determine the correct (and least creepy) route to procuring this number. Did you meet her at the bar? Are you in class together? Do you work together? Is she a customer where you work? Is she at the ... (read in full...)
What's going on between my B/f and this other girl? Do they have a history? Does he want her?
Q. I noticed that my bf has been exchanging messages on fb with a girl he's not friends with on fb. She lives in our area according to her profile. I secretly viewed their messages and it seems that they are not flirting or anything. I'm jealous bc ...
A. 29 November 2011: This is certainly bizarre behavior. Why isn't he friends with her if they talk so much? Noticing your age (and sort of assuming his age) is it possible that this is somehow work-related? Facebook has definitely become much more than an ... (read in full...)
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