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female
age
30-35,
*heerwhore23
writes:So I was faced with 2 problems this past weekend..first..my boyfriend told me that his mom doesn't like me...she use to but I don't talk to her in public..so she thinks I'm being like a snob or something which is absolutely not the case...I have freaking family issues that are more import to deal with than my boyfriends mother and I'm just a shy person in general! My boyfriend is a mamas boy so of course he's on her side...I don't wanna be with someone whose parents hate me...so what do I do in this situation!? Second problem is that my boyfriend wants to have sex with me..he's a virgin..I don't have a problem with this but I know he's gonna go tell all of his friends and stuff..I don't want everyone knowing about my sex life!!! How can I tell him this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2011): The BF is immature. If he is going to tell everyone- UNTRUSTWORTHY. So DONT have sex with such a creep.
I agree that you can never be so pre-occupied you cannot say Hi to the BFs Mother. Regardless of your BF being a Mommy's boy; don't be rude. Now you even have more of a mess to deal with.
Kindness begets kindness.
I say just dump him. You have family issues to deal with and not some horn dog pawing at you to have sex with him. SELFISH.
Self Respect MATTERS More Than a few minutes of sexual pleasure. Also, once you give the sex, you get even more so enthralled by the Selfish, Immature BF. Then it will be even more tough to make GOOD Decisions that will help you be happier.
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female
reader, synchrohobbit +, writes (29 November 2011):
 I don't know why people are chastising you for his mother's opinion...she is the adult, and it definitely speaks to her level of maturity if she needs validation from a teenager. I doubt his parents "hate" you, and there is a good possibility that he is exaggerating (this is what teenagers do). I am wondering how you would feel if you couldn't tell anyone you had sex. I doubt he would go into all the gory details, but understand that if he does discuss it he is just trying to figure it all out with his friends. Better them than his mother!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2011): "I have freaking family issues that are more import to deal with than my boyfriends mother..." People don't have a limited supply of love and kindness so you can be friends with both your family and his. With that in mind, I'm sure you can understand how your lacking the grace of an acknowledgement can be hurtful.Simply apologise for "not noticing" her the other day, explain that you've got too much pressure from other events, and you're not coping as well as you'd like. Then have a friendly chat. Who knows, she might have some useful views on your family's issues. Talk with her about her son too, after all, that's what you've both got in common and most moms can't stop talking about their kids.As for your bf keeping intimacies confidential, being up front and setting your boundaries of what is confidential and what isn't should work. Explain that some things are private to just the two of you, and this includes sex. After all, he's a virgin teenage boy and by definition "sex but you can't tell anyone" is the best offer he's ever had :-)It does seem to me that you're doing a lot of the heavy lifting. Your bf should have already made things sweet as possible about your lack of acknowledgement of his mother. It's probably inexperience that he didn't do this, which you've then interpreted as "taking sides". Remember, he's not just never had sex, he's never had a long term relationship either. Educating him about how to be a boyfriend includes more than what to do between the sheets.
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reader, VSAddict +, writes (27 November 2011):
 Talk to your boyfriend's mother, even if you don't want to. You don't have to have a full on conversation, just say hi to her and acknowldege that she's there. And if you don't want to do that, then just let her know of your stress and your family issues, although just saying a quick hi would be easier and quicker. As for your boyfriend, he's going to have to earn sex with you. You know he's not mature enough, so don't give it to him until you are totally sure he can act like an adult about this, even if it takes months or even a year. Sex is a privilege, not a right, so if he gets mad because you refuse, then it just shows his immaturity and lack of respect for your desire to wait however long you want to. But don't give in for him unless you're sure you're making the right decision, even if it means he might have to lose it to someone else.
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female
reader, bluegreen  +, writes (27 November 2011):
 When you love a person, you also try to love the people whom he loves and who loves him.
Try getting over with you shyness, be confident, a very thin line separates snobbish and in-confidence.
That guy is obviously a kiss-and-tell type of guy, if he respects you, he would keep your sex life personal. Another thing, it isnt a mature trait to tell everything about your life especially when your a guy. Does he really have to show off everything?
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (27 November 2011):
 First: Tell your "boyfriend" to F*** off, since you know that he will blab that you put out for him and THAT "proves" that he's just an immature child out to make his "Mr Happy" feel good.....
Now that I think of it,.... there is no "also, or, "second," or "then"....
Good luck....
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