A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married now over a 10 years, I really love my wife and have done everything in my power to make her happy to be married to me.In addition to that, I read a lot into what women would like in a husband just to make sure I am better than most husbands are to their wife's. I do take this very serious!- I have taken cooking courses and cook most of the time,- I do most of the laundry,- I take very good care of my looks, I'm very fit, well dressed.- I take her on trips around the world 2 or 3 times a year.- We have no debt, instead have a lot of savings and investments.- We don't have kids- I give my wife a lot of attention at home, I'm not afraid of showing my affection in public.- I don't play video games, I don't drink, don't smoke and I don't watch sports.For many years now, her sex drive has been dropping fast to the point that not its almost not there. I have never pressured her for sex so since she isn't to it, it is not happening. She used to like to wear sexy things for me, but that stopped.She has even now starting to show less affection to me.I don't know what I am doing wrong, trying everything but she is just losing further and further interest on me.She only seems to appreciate me when she is around other guys, coworkers, friends husbands/boyfriends where she does see I am better than they are. But that only lasts a little bit.Other women compliment me of my looks and personality, have had many changes to cheat but I have never done it. What am I going wrong? It is driving me crazy that other women want to be with me, but I feel my wife who I want to be with is losing interest on me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust to answer some of the comments:
She has lost most of her sex drive, but when we do have sex she has an orgasm every time. We have been married for a long time, and in that time I did learn how to do that, but that does not help, she still isn't that interested on it.
If I am lucky, it happens once a week, but often it can go for much longer than that. I know if I asked and put pressure on her for it, but I could never do that.
When I bring this up lightly then she will have sex with me, but kind of feel like it is just to shut me up. So I don't do this for that reason.
When I have made a bigger deal out of it, she gets angry and it only makes things worst.
I am worried that it is only going to get worst, all of her friends have divorced over the years.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 December 2011):
 Well to be devil's advocate, maybe you are trying too hard?
maybe you are making it too easy for her?
no woman wants a wuss. I think that one of the reasons my last marriage broke up is that I had NO challenges from him in terms of his feelings.... I knew I could get away with murder so to speak.
My current partner tells me over and over if he had wanted a slave he would have bought one from another country... he wants a partner with some feistiness to her...
Do you ever not bend over backwards to make the wife happy?
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (7 December 2011):
 Hi,
I am just as confused as you are. The way you describe yourself, the things you do for her, help around the house, no money problems, I am very confused.... You also seem like a very nice, smart, kind man....
As we all know, after so many years together the intimacy tends to be less than in the beginnig, specially after marriage. People mentioned, kids, money problems, tired and busy takes the romance away, which is perfectly normal and understandable. But, none of this fits your situation?
You are a perfect man, husband, friend, suporter. I also admire the fact that you had many chances to cheat, but never took any opportunities. Do you think your wife is having a mid-life crisis? People sometimes get depress for no reason? And this is the worst case scenario, maybe you both need to rekindle your marriage? Maybe, her feelings for you are not as strong? Maybe, she she doens't feel sexy anymore? Maybe, she doens't have urges to be intimate anymore?
No matter how much you do for her, how much you complimented her, how perfect you are, maybe it's something to do with her... I heard many men in this site asking questions on how they cannot perfom sexually anymore. They are healthy men, no stress, but somehow just cannot? What I am trying to say is that, I am sure that something is bothering your wife, and you need to talk to her. If she has a problem, I think she's embarrassed or scared to tell you, so why don't you initiate a nice friendly conversation.
Bottom line is, you are confused and not happy. If you are not happy, your wife is probably not happy either. It's not fair to you to continue living this way, because you are her husband/partner in life, and you deserve to know.... You both have been together for a long time, I am sure that together you can repair y
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2011): I don't know what your wife is thinking, but I can share what I feel as a woman. It is wonderful that you love your wife so much and try to please her. Maybe your trying too hard. As women we are very hard to figure out, yes we like when the man we love helps out around the house, and isn;t watching sport all the time. But we still want him to be himself. We also like to feel as if we are needed. Generally women basically are built that we want to take care of those we love, whilst also wanting him to help out. I tend to like my man helping out around the house because it shows he cares. My man washes the dishes simply because he knows that I absolutely doing it, and I appreciate that. If he did everything I would be bored and feel like I wasn't needed anymore. It's nice to feel needed and appreciated. Your wife now expects you to do all this stuff for her, and as such she kind of takes advantage of it. Your being the best you can be, but your basing it on what is in books, each woman is different and wants different things. You need to find out what your wife's best husband idea is, rather than on books or what any other women say.
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A
female
reader, cmarieky +, writes (7 December 2011):
She may not be losing interest. It could be that she is overwhelmed by your love and actions which may make her feel like there's no way to compete against you bc u do so much. Maybe she feels unworthy, unattractive, unfulfilled without children. I recommend you stop worrying your heart with these matters but actually take them to your wife. I commend you on being an excellent husband. Just communicate with her....your wife. And hopefully you'll get answers to help you out. Best wishes
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2011): It sounds like you're doing too good a job to me. She has gotten spoiled and bored. You don't present any challenge to her anymore.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (7 December 2011):
 No one here can tell you if she's for sure losing interest in you. That's something that you need to address with your wife. With an issue as serious as this is, I strongly suggest getting marriage counseling.
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A
female
reader, synchrohobbit +, writes (7 December 2011):
 It sounds like you are doing nothing wrong, and your marriage has simply entered a rut that will take serious conversations, planning, and/or therapy to pull out of. Many women start losing their sex drives as they age (as do men) and that could be a big part of it. I know you say you don't pressure her for sex, but is it possible she doesn't really feel wanted or needed if you aren't telling her that? From the information provided it would appear that you simply need to just tell her how you feel. I am, however, assuming there is a lot more going on from both your ends that is difficult to convey in a short post, whether a specific event or some general change in your lives. If that list it totally true you are definitely a model husband.
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