A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a survivor of domestic violence that went on for 3.5 years. I was 17 to 20 when it all happened and the guy I was with was nine months younger than me. Anyway, I never truly gave myself the chance to grow into my own and learn to be independent and self-sufficient. I went from my first serious relationship to my current one in literally 1.5 weeks. But my boyfriend was fantastic in the beginning: patient, understanding, affectionate, everything I needed after the catastrophe that was my first love. People knew we were perfect for each other but there were a couple people who thought he would end up being my rebound considering how close to my break-up our starting was.It did not turn out that way. Thank god. We've been together for 1.5 years now and I love him so much. I can't imagine my life without all his random kisses, telling me he loves me, and just being a genuinely nice guy. I've also been trying my hardest to be the best girlfriend I can be to him. But sometimes... I feel like I should have taken some time on my own.At this point, it's a little too late mainly because my boyfriend and I are too involved with each other to let the other go without both of us really "feeling it". We've made so many plans together to get married and start a family and all that crap. We're even going back to school to FINALLY get our degrees. You see, we're both 21 and most of the people we graduated high school with in 2008 will be getting their Bachelor's come May and we're both still working on our Associate's.I've had plenty of conversations with people who have told me that I have a great thing going for me with my boyfriend. And I have to say, I agree and honestly, I feel like I'm being rather ungrateful for it. He's a million times better than my ex EVER was to me and I still sometimes feel like I don't deserve him (my current guy, that is). Also, we're trying to get an apartment come tax time but I'm so, so, SO afraid that we're going to end up like my parents. Living paycheck to paycheck with no end in sight (and that's been going on since my mom was still pregnant with me). I do NOT want that for my children...I'm just wondering how I can get out of the rut of feeling like I'm settling for someone who is, in fact, super fantastic? I'm not meaning to sound like a whiny bitch or anything, I just want some advice. Thanks...
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (7 December 2011):
 Sounds like you missed out on being single, and your wondering if your hurrying and rushing through life.
You love the guy, and the guy loves you, but your human and you can't help wondering about other choices that will become closed to you.
Is the grass greener on the other side, or have you got the best thing in the world. How can we help you, we don't know, nobody knows what the future will hold. It's up to you to make a decision that will suit you best.
If he's a very nice guy, he might allow you to have a temporary break (without sex)
A
female
reader, synchrohobbit +, writes (7 December 2011):
 I don't see anything you said, other than the second to last sentence, that remotely sounds like settling. Does he have a low income and that is why you are worried about turning out like your parents? Or do you mean settling because you didn't have that chance to be on your own? It sounds like you are doing very well in this relationship and he would be supportive of your continued recovery with your past abuse.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 December 2011):
 I think what your problem is, is that you never gave yourself a chance to get over the abuse you endured for years. Staying with someone that long it does damage mentally, and when you did meet your current boyfriend, you where not in the right state of mind, and you where vulnerable and looking at him as a rebound, obviously you fell in love with him and it is genuine. But you never gave yourself the chance to put the pieces of your life back together. Did you ever get therapy for the abuse you endured? Talk to someone professional about it? If not well then I think that is something you should consider doing now.
I am happy for you that you have found someone who knows how to treat you right and that you are in love. But you do need to get help with your past issues, because somewhere in the back of your mind they are preventing you from moving on.
As for worrying about the future, well most people have to do this, they worry about if they are going to be financially stable when they buy there first flat so on so forth. But before you think of starting a family, get your past issues resolved, carry on with your education and try and get a good job. You are in no rush to get married or start a family, you are still very young, so don't stress about the future, as you are letting it all build up in top of you and it is not healthy. Just take things a step at a time so you don't over whelm yourself.
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