A
female
age
26-29,
*KnowWhatIWanTButDoThey
writes:So a lot has happened since the last time I was here OBVIOUSLY because I'm 17 now. Not much in the relationship/boy department just life in general... Until last night. SO Sunday, I met this boy. He was the friend of a friend and he asked me for my number. I thought he was cool because you know, my friend vouched for him a little bit. We talked on the phone for one hour on Sunday and three hours on Monday. And while on the phone, he asked me to come over his house to spend some time together. Of course, I am not altogether naive so I made it blantantly obvious that NOTHING was going to happen (sexual wise) and it made it clear that he would respect that. That's what we agreed on.But then I get there. I get there, he's there by himself, we go unto his back patio (and smoking was involved. Marijuana.Not my first time, but still, I should've known better.) And so now not only am I high, I'm high and alone with a boy I've barely known for two days.Now, I won't sit here and say that I didn't expect ANYTHING to happen. But I wasn't ready/prepared for what did. We.. did things. Things that ultimately led to him taking me inside of his house, into his room.. and before I knew it he was .. doing IT. And I mean he must have only moved about three or four times before I told him to stop and pushed him off of me. After that, I decided to leave and have never rushed out of a house so fast in my life. He walked me to my bus stop, kissed me goodbye, and called me and talked to me until I got home. But I feel weird. I feel used a little bit. I'm mad at myself because I know I should have stopped it sooner. And he seems nice but still.. I feel like I was rushed. And I'm really trying to keep from hating myself. He said he was gonna call today afterschool and such, but I just feel like I never want to talk to him again, like I just wish he would forget about me, and just not think about me at all! And I kind of want to do the same thing. So I guess I have several questions:Why do I feel like this? Should I still talk to him? What should I say if I do talk to him? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, IKnowWhatIWanTButDoThey +, writes (13 May 2013):
IKnowWhatIWanTButDoThey is verified as being by the original poster of the question So I've decided to stop talking to him .. I havent been back to his house and he's called me everyday this week .. But this experience has made me realize that I wasnt ready for a boyfriend or anything to do with boys yet .. And also, I feel like our relationship has just started off all wrong and I do not feel strongly enough about him to continue trying to push through this and the fact that he brings up what happened EVERY chance he gets, kind of puts me off.. a lot lol . And thank everyone for the advice because I really really needed it! I actually have read all of the answers several times this week bc its been really helping me get pass this. So thanks :)
A
female
reader, IKnowWhatIWanTButDoThey +, writes (10 May 2013):
IKnowWhatIWanTButDoThey is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd to chigirl he's 18, he did smoke too, and he did stop when I said to.
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A
female
reader, IKnowWhatIWanTButDoThey +, writes (10 May 2013):
IKnowWhatIWanTButDoThey is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank all of you for replying, and although I'm not completely there, I am slooowly starting to get over it. He did call the next day and he actually did apologize for putting pressure on me, and then we continued talking to eachother. I guess the reason i still talk to him is b/c i know it wasnt totally his fault. but thank you all - and my doctor's appt is in two weeks! :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2013): As a female in college on the US. Really? you better get your act together and take some measures to protect YOURSELF, in college (which willbe soon for you) many guys wont take a no for an answer, save yourself sour moments take care of yourself, value yourself more be LESS NAIVE. You put yourself in harms way, and seriously can you blame him? you go to his house, you agree to do pot with him, you let him do this. It takes two to tango. The guy is not a mind reader, as soon as you told him stop he did. The guy even walked you to the bus stop, called you and stuff. ItIt is not rape, you knew what was going to happen, it is like me getting wasted and walking on the street at night running into traffic, and getting run voer by a car... now, was it the drivers fault 100%? No, I put myself in harm's way.
Really, I mean the blame we women can put on men can only go so far...if we are not being responsible with out bodies, and putting value on ourselves we cannot except anyone else will.
If you are gonna fool around, be careful, be more responsible and more mature.
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female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (9 May 2013):
 Hi
It wasn't rape it was you and him going too far. By going to his place you were almost saying you knew what could happen. And it did.
Now, a guy who really likes you will date you, get to know you, treat you with respect. He won't invite you to his place for the first meeting and use drugs to mellow you out.
SO, *learn* from your very silly mistake, forget this guy, you know you made a mistake, your only human, it happens.
He is not worth your time or energy. As others say get checked out for Stds or pregnancy and then move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2013): First off OP it wasn't rape and you know it. Let's get that clear, you went along with things and when you told him stop he stopped.
Secondly the only thing you have to feel bad about is the fact you were stupid enough to go be alone with a guy and not expect him to make a move.
OP when you come to be alone with us it's so we can get it on, I don't care what kind of verbal agreement you make that's the only reason we want you over there.
We're not always lying when we make the verbal agreement when you're there right in front of us we're going to want to get sexy with you.
Don't do that again unless you want sex or to get frisky.
OP he's just doing what guys do and if you didn't want to fool around then you shouldn't have went to be alone with him.
If a woman says yes to coming to my place when she knows I'm interested then I'm going to make a move under the context not being able to help myself.
OP I can easily say most of my sexual activity with new people has been unintentional. They never intended to go to that bar and go home with a a guy for one night stand, they never intended to go to my house and do anything but watch a movie etc. There's no point in making a deal beforehand because it's very easy to get carried away, just as you did.
OP in the grand scheme of things this is not a big deal, you got carried away with a guy you had no intention of fooling around with. It happens to all of us and a lot of the time we feel like idiots afterwards but it's not a big deal.
It's as big a deal as eating cake when you're supposed to be on a diet. You'll feel guilty but then it will pass. But what you did OP is like going into a bakery and promising yourself you won't eat any cakes in there. It makes no sense you know? If you don't want cake don't go to a bakery, if you don't want sex don't go to a guys bedroom or even be somewhere where he can make that kind of move on you.
If you want him to stay away from you then that's fine, just stay away from him. If you do talk to him say nothing about that night and just make no more arrangements with him and tell him you're not interested in him.
You feel that way OP because you went against your own intentions, you promised yourself not to do something but you got caught up in the moment. It's not a big deal OP, it really is like eating cake on a diet.
Just make sure you get tested for STI's, if you're free of those then just take this as an embarrassing episode and move on.
OP this will not be the first time you have sex unintentionally. It happens to everyone and it's not always a regretful thing either. But as long as there are no medical consequences then just take this as a lesson.
Sometimes nothing happens when you're alone with us, but we wouldn't have asked you if we didn't want to bone you.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 May 2013):
 Just to clarify a few things, could you answer these questions:
How old is this other boy?
Did he also smoke?
Did he stop when you said no?
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (9 May 2013):
This post makes me worried. Really. It is one thing to get high, which is illegal.. And then it progresses into sexual acts that you didn't intend to do. Rushed or not rushed, it sounds like you do things when under the influence that you normally wouldn't do. A lot of people are like that, which is why a lot of people do not drink or smoke weed. Or people at least limit themselves. You smoked weed and lost control.
So, first things first. Don't smoke again. Not when you know what will happen, you losing control and ending up doing things you later regret. So at least now, this doesn't have to happen again.
As for the sex thing. He stopped when you told him to, so it sounds like he isn't a bad guy, but he was high on drugs as well, and probably doing things he wouldn't normally have done either. Perhaps he also feels guilty, or bad about this, which is why he is trying to contact you. Maybe you should meet him face to face and have a talk about what happened. Talk about how it wasn't planned, that you didn't want that to happen, hear his side of the story too? Having sex is a big deal for a guy too, not just for the girl, even though popular culture wants us to think men have no feelings and don't connect emotions to sex. He probably feels the same way about this as you do.
I think you should meet him and talk to him about what happened. And then agree to not smoke again. Perhaps you will be friends, perhaps you will continue to date, perhaps you wont ever speak again. But whatever happens in the future at least you talked and cleared the air.
And get a plan B pill fast. You probably didn't use protection, you don't want to get pregnant too now.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2013): You have no reason to feel guilty! You let him know you didn't want to have sex, then he got around your objections by getting you high and RAPED you.
Please call the Rape Crisis Center hotline at (210)349-7273, or go to their website: http://www.rapecrisis.com/index.php. And don't continue talking to this guy as if nothing has happened. Would you talk to him if he'd mugged you?
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female
reader, synchrohobbit +, writes (9 May 2013):
 The reason you feel guilty and bad is because you were taught to feel this way. You had sex with someone...you will have sex again, and it will probably be better, but some of it might be worse. Unless you smoked about five bowls, the pot probably didn't have much of an affect on your judgement. Can you ask yourself why this bothers you? He probably did use you, but you seem to know that, and you can beat yourself up all you want, but at some point, someday, you will use someone somehow too. He might even feel guilty about it too.
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