A
female
age
30-35,
*hhbrother20
writes:I have been dating my fiance for 4 1/2 years. We were that disgusting couple that every one who walked past us probably thought we should get a room.Ever since we moved in with eachother, our love life and sex life went down the drain completely. We have sex maybe once every 3 months, and when we do..its not even 'making love', she makes me feel like i'm some kind of one night stand. She barely wants to kiss me, or even go to bed when I do. She was new to the town when we started dating, so..I was all she knew, and now she has this new job..and shes constantly going out with friends. We have became completely distant. We bought a 3 bedroom house (one is our bedroom, one is my mancave, and the other is her office). We are seperated the entire time. I work mornings, and she works nights. I have thought of everything in the book, by being romantic or trying to rekindle our love. She seems uncomfortable and disgusted by "romance" or when I try to be lovey dovey around her. I really don't know what to do. Friends tell me that maybe we just aren't meant to be, but I would hate to throw out a beautiful relationship of 4 1/2 years. It used to be sooo amazing until we moved in together.What should I do? Breaking up is not a option for me, I really want to repair this. I have tried communicating with her, and she will apologize..and things will go back to where they used to be for a week, and then we are back to the "norm" (ignoring eachother). It feels like no matter what I do..it irriates her, I can't do anything right. I know there has to be something "there" in her heart, because this house is in HER name, and she has enough money to live on her own...so..if she wanted too..she couldve thrown me out along time ago. But whats keeping her with me, if she doesn't show her lvoe for me anymore?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): I was there with my girlfriend at one time. Things were AMAZING (storybook perfect!) until we moved in together. Then things got a lot worse: almost no sex, different sleep habits, no kissing, everything we do irritated each other.Eventually, she moved out when she took a new job that was not close to our house. I would visit her at her apartment and our relationship was again amazing. She confided that: "It feels like we are dating again."She wanted to move back in (which she did) and things got worse again. That's where we are now.Women are very complex. Very. I suggest you two go to counseling. That's where we are. There are a lot of latent issues that need addressing. Maybe you will work it out. Maybe you won't. However, you need to give it a shot and you are not capable of doing it alone.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (30 November 2011):
 Did you provide half the funds to buy the house? ... or does she own it by herself, funded by herself?
If the former, then chalk this up to a very expensive lesson that you should promise yourself that you'll never repeat. If the latter, then breath a sigh of relief ...
In either case, the "relationship" is really over and you need to move on.....
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2011): Counselling. Communication and Listening before another helps people to be accountable for what they say and do and what they promise to do as well.
Also insight into the why she is acting the way she is can be forthcoming and with it, you can actually get to working on a solution to repairing your relationship instead of the weekly bandaid.
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A
female
reader, synchrohobbit +, writes (29 November 2011):
 It sounds like she is exploring other parts of life, and sex just isn't on the forefront of her mind. One of the issues of moving in together is of course access and lack of anticipation. You used to need to have sex at certain times, when you were together, and her body felt that urgency. Now you two might get home, make dinner, maybe plop on the couch because you can always wait until bed time, but then be too tired once you go to bed. Or, if you plan on morning sex, other things might seem more important or she might, at that moment, really want 5 (10, or 20) extra minutes of sleep. It sounds like she still loves you and wants you, but sex isn't a priority right now. Unfortunately, at least for now, it may be time to throw a calender up on the wall and plan once or twice weekly sessions that are sure to happen when you are both awake and ready.
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