A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:last year at college i met this girl who i have become friends with we both left college to do something different and we hadn't spoken for a while then we caught up abit through texting and then a few brief times on facebook but the other day she posted a status saying she wanted to curl up and die etc. so i texted her to see if she was ok and her and her boyfriend were on a break cause he didn't know what he felt like and she was really down.we had a long conversation on friday night and she really opened up about how she felt about him etc. and there deceiding what to do on friday and shes worried that they're going to break up. he says he loves her but wants time to think which is weird to me and he choose to go to the gym than see ehr the other month i heard from her friend. i did have a crush on her when we were at college but i think shes cute and thats it i love her as a friend. i want to be there for her and i want to make sure she's ok but i don't want it to feel like i'm bugging her aterall were not "close" friends but we get along and i don't want her getting the impression that i'm interested in her to take advantage of her while she's vulnerable because i don't want to be with her i want to be there for her as a friend nothing elsehow do i do this and make her feel that she's got someone who she can talk to anytime?
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female
reader, synchrohobbit  +, writes (30 November 2011):
 I don't think you can make her feel that way. She probably knew that you were interested in her at college and turned to you for some validation when her current boyfriend was making her question her value. In fact, if this is really the only conversation you have had recently I think it would not be appropriate for you to try to be her "shoulder to cry on." It seems like you might end up hurting yourself more if you try to pursue even a solid friendship; the fact that you say you love her as a friend with such little communication means there are some strong feelings involved.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 November 2011):
 It sounds to me like already she trusts you enough to open up to you about her private life. This is a great start. Don't keep pestering her though, it sounds like she is going through a really rough patch and you can not make her feel good about this no matter how much you try. Whenever you are talking to her just tell her you are there for her as a friend and that she can talk to you any time, give her your number and leave it at that. If she wants to talk at least then she knows she has you to talk to.
But you need to see that I think you are trying to convince yourself that you don't have feelings for her, yet am pretty sure you would jump at the chance if she asked you. So just try and keep a level head and remind yourself that she is with someone else who she loves. So this just needs to be platonic and nothing more. Just express to her that you want her to see you as a friend who is there for her and leave it at that.
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