A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy on an Internet dating site, we spoke on the phone for 3.5 hours before meeting up and numerous texts. We went out for a very nice dinner and made plans to see each other a couple days later. We ended up sleeping together and he started to pull away but we went out again and he seemed very nervous, much like our first date. He continued to call and text me and almost two weeks after our third date we met up again. We watched a movie and it seemed like he was finally letting his walls down and thoroughly seemed to enjoy himself. We slept together again and in the morning I asked he wanted to meet up again, he jokingly said not this again, no this is the end. Then cracked a huge smile and gave me a huge hug and kiss goodbye. I'm scared because I'm starting to really like him and I think I should hold off on the sex, but our sexual chemistry is through the roof. HELP PLEASE!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, he spent all last week texting me, I made it very clear, multiple times I don't want to just be friends with benefits. He asked me to come over tonight so he could cook me dinner, he said he wants to start out as friends, that he is looking for the same thing I am, but is worried because of his age he only has one more shot so he doesn't want to jump into anything since being single is new to him as am I. Should I run for the hills, it makes sense to me what he is saying, I told him I don't want to be used or taken advantage of and though I am fine with starting out friends as long as there is hope for more.
A
female
reader, synchrohobbit +, writes (29 November 2011):
 I am personally of the opinion that sexual chemistry should come first, and love develop after. It is not like you two met drunk at a nightclub and went home together. You were both out looking and talked and got to know each other a little before this happened. If he is a good guy, it shouldn't matter when you slept together anyhow. I have had two boyfriends, and I slept with both of them on the first or second date. All it did was give us more time to learn each other sexually. What I did do was jokingly (but really seriously) ask if they wouldn't respect me if I did it, because I really wanted to. I would maybe just say that the next time you hit the hay. No matter what he will say no, but his reaction after and around it will give you some clues.Also, there is no reason he isn't joking. One of the things I love about my current boyfriend is we jab each other all the time...more power to you if you guys can be fun early on!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 November 2011):
 I slept with my last husband on the first date.. he still married me... so sometimes great sex is great sex.
but you can't worry about it or fret.. what's done is done.
you are wanting to close the barn door after the horse got out... no can do.. .can't take it back.
if you are going to be a couple you will know soon enough
if he's looking for NSA/FWB you will know that soon enough too.
only you can decide what you are willing to accept.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2011): His opinion of you is already formed by what you did at first. Cutting off sex now will do nothing to make him think you are a "slow" girl. It will just make him think you are a "fast" girl who holds it against him for being good BF material. (And why in the hell would he still want to seem like a good BF possibility if this is how you treat him for it?)Stop obsessing about it. If there is damage from sleeping with him quickly then it's already done and there is nothing you can do about it now. If there isn't, then you have nothing to worry about.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2011): You made the classic mistake of thinking great sex means a great relationship.
Also, guys can do just sex better than women as women tend to, like you, become emotionally attached.
Trust his words. Who says that anyways? Its not a joke, its not cute, its actually insensitive.
You were played.
Move on!
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