A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my bf together for 1.5 years and for the past 6 months, we have been arguing a lot (a weekly basis, and it always ends up with me crying). Things we argue about: him flirting with other girls excessively, him texting other girls almost everyday, him wanting to visit a female friend alone overseas. In short, his behavior with girls and him being emotionally unavailable most of the time.Sometimes I think about breaking up, because if I cannot get over his behavior (he tells me I should get over it), and he refuses to compromise, then perhaps we'd be better off separate. Recently I came into contact with a guy friend and after texting for a few months, we went on a date and we ended up kissing (this guy knows I am attached) My bf doesn't know and I am wrecked with guilt. I understand that my bf being emotionally unavailable is never an excuse for me cheating and I feel so terribly guilty. I'm not sure what to do now.
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (26 December 2014):
 What is there to think about?? Break up with your boyfriend. Now what? Break up with your boyfriend.
You're guilty you cheated?? Break up with your boyfriend.
He is disloyal to you? Break up with your boyfriend.
He's emotionally unavailable? Break up with your....you get the picture by now!
I don't get it. You're neither married, nor do you have a child. What is the point of cheating when you could have broken up with your boyfriend the moment you came into contact with this guy friend and felt an attraction. Why keep the boyfriend? And now that you did make the mistake of cheating, why you wouldn't just break up with your boyfriend?!?
You can writhe in guilt all you want after you break up with your boyfriend. You can have a moral crisis after you break up with your boyfriend. You can make vows to yourself that you'll never cheat again on any other boyfriend, feel horrified that you were capable of that, and analyze any flaw in your character and integrity all you want.....AFTER YOU BREAK UP!
I'm more interested in why you HAVEN'T broken up with your loser boyfriend. "I love him" is already out the window because you cheated on him with some other guy. And truthfully, you did weaken your relationship with the new guy because if he knew you were involved and cheated with him, trust has already been destroyed because he knows you treat boyfriends by cheating on them and then keep them around.
If you're interested in this new guy for more than an illicit shaft behind your boyfriend's back, then every second in staying with the loser boyfriend destroys your chance at a better relationship, either with this guy (who I wouldn't trust if he goes after people who are involved), or anyone else.
BREAK UP. If you are a masochist, then you can add that you slept with someone else in your breakup to him. But there is no reason to stay with him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2014): There are two types of emotionally unavailable, one where guys are unable to get past previous hurt. The second where it means they are unavailable to you because they don't want to.
In this case its the latter.
I am sorry but this relationship isn't going anywhere because he don't see you that way. All that's going to happen is you will cheat and he will if he hasn't already.
You want more and he don't. Time to make the break and find someone who can give you what you want.
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 December 2014):
 End it with your BF, you are making each other miserable, so WHY drag it out?
And STOP blaming your BF for your actions. YOU cheated because you wanted attention and affection.
You BF is destroying the trust and by staying WITH him you are basically saying what he does is OK, because you stick around.
YOU already know it's doomed. YOU already know that you don't WANT to be with a guy who does this in a relationship, you just need to put your big girl panties on and END it.
And.... stay away from guys with a GF, you know better. After all YOU have been that GF who's BF was emotionally cheating with other girls.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (24 December 2014):
It's so obvious that this relationship is doomed... it's like a bandaid. You have to yank it off fast to minimize the pain.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 December 2014):
 you are young
the relationship is only 18 months old
you are not happy
he is not happy
BREAK UP now rather than later.
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