A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Aunts,I met this guy at an online dating site about two months ago, and after we met in person (about seven weeks ago) we have been out about six times and we had sex four times out of the six dates. The other two times were nice and romantic; just cuddling and relaxing on the couch. Ever since I met him, he has been someone who won’t text a lot, and he told me he hates talking on the phone. However, he would initiate the text conversation every now and then, and if I started the conversation, he responded to my text as soon as he read the message (I get notifications when he read my messages). This was before we had sex for the first time, after that, I’ve been the one who always have to text first, but he has not been prompt to respond my texts as he used to. For the last two weeks he would read my text and won’t respond until several hours later or even next day. Sometimes he would totally ignore my message. I stay very busy, so I don’t act needy and I don’t text him again until he responds, or I let 2 or 3 days go by before I text him again. Besides no responding to my text as often as he used to, he was normally always available to go out every time I asked him to, but for the first time, he said he could not, and asked me to see each other tomorrow. I want to think that it is because it was the weekend before Christmas and he is probably busy. He seems to still want to see me, otherwise he won’t have proposed other time to meet, but he doesn’t seem as interested as before. This really confuses me! He has an 18 years old daughter that seems to be having an aptitude lately (it’s what he told me once), so I want to think that his behavior maybe has to do with issues with her. However, I work at a place where I get lots of free tickets to concerts and the movies, so I am the one who normally ask him out. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, because it hurts to think that maybe he is just using me; keeping me around for the free tickets. Should I confront him tomorrow and ask him what is going on? Let him know that it frustrates me to be the one who always makes the first contact? How can I do this without sound pushy? I must admit that I am having a fear though. I don’t have much experience dating; I have always been very shy and a total dork when it comes to guys. He is very quiet around me what makes things worse for me. Even though we have been out six times, we really don’t have great conversations, but I am not sure if it’s just me or both. I feel like I act like a complete idiot when I am around him, and I am afraid it is scaring him off. Do you think this could be the case? He told me once that we are just hanging out, and that the rest would come with time. I am OK with it, although my hope is that we become more than just friends with benefits. The part I am having a difficult time with is that I am not the kind of woman who pursues man and I feel like that is what I’ve been doing with him. I really like him; he is extremely handsome and I’d love to keep him around, but not at the price of becoming someone I am not, I don’t want to continue feeling like I am losing my value begging a man for some attention, but again I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Thank you for any advice you can give me!
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christmas, friend with benefits, shy, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 December 2014):
 He doesn't like you as much as you hope...
let it go, wait to hear from him and unless he asks you out on a real date I'd just relegate him to friend with no intentions of getting into a serious romance"
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Aunts!
I'm really confused here! I asked this question a few days ago, and as some of you advised me, I left town for the holidays and I didn't contact my guy. However, I got a "Merry Christmas and safe travels" text from him on Christmas Day around 10:00 in the morning and I replied with just a "Merry Christmas" too. After that, three days when by, and no a word from him. So, because he initiated the contact on Christmas, I felt like there won't be nothing wrong with me sending him a text. I was on vacation, so I just texted him a picture of me blowing him a kiss with a beautiful view in the background. He replied hours later just complimenting my boots. I texted him back joking about how with such a beautiful view, the only thing he noticed were my boots. He replied to that text, and so I did. This time I asked him how he was doing and if he had a good Christmas, but he read it and have not responded. This was two day ago. I'm really confused with this guy's behavior; does he likes me or not? What do you think?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for the wonderful advice. I supposed to see him tonight, but the weather here has been really bad; including flash floods and tornado warnings. He called to cancel our date due to the bad weather. We had a nice phone conversation which was nice of him since he told me once he hates talking on the phone. I am leaving town tomorrow, and I am not going to contact him again to see what he does. Thank you again for the responses and I hope every one of you have a wonderful Christmas.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 December 2014):
I fear the only way to know what he is thinking/feeling is by letting HIM row the relationship boat.
MEN who are truly interested in more than sex with a woman can't be "scared off"
IF you are concerned that it's all about FWB (sounds like it's heading there to me) then you do two things
1. stop contacting him. LET him contact you... only respond to things that need response. and note that 11 pm "what's up" text or call is nothing more than a booty call. IGNORE THEM.
2. STOP having sex with him. This means no dates at his place or your place to "watch a movie and cuddle"
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2014): The best way to find out how he really feels about you is to stop contacting him completely. If he is interested, he will contact you. It sounds like you have been doing all the running in this very short relationship - initiating text contacting, asking him out when you have tickets for something. Stop that, right now. Relationships should be equal - both people should initiate contact at one point or another and both people should arrange a date out.Once you do see him again (which will be when and only when he has contacted you and asked you for another date - not because you have asked him), don't have sex. Leave the sex for a while, start to get to know each other a bit more. Getting to know someone in bed is very different to really getting to know someone.I do hope this works out for you and I hope you have a lovely Christmas.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2014): You kind of answered your own question, your doing too much of the work while he's kind of just not doing anything. It's not fair to you; you're doing the chasing; if he was interested he would be a lot more engaging and proactive. And not only that, but if you guys do not have great conversations, and one of the main reasons you'd like to keep him around is because he's handsome is definitely not a recipe for a good relationship, it sounds kind of boring and you don't want to be bored do you? There's probably more to this story, but girl he's not that into you, it sucks I know. Stop contacting him until after the holidays (meaning after January 1st), and see what happens. If he doesn't contact you at all, then you're not really a priority for him. If he can't take 30 seconds out of one day to text you Merry Christmas or some message, then he's not that into you.
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