A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. A question for both, men and women: how would you feel if someone you want to be intimate with won't do so unless you use a condom? Boyfriend or girlfriend relationship type. Also, if you get asked to be tested for STDS, do you do it?
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female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (3 January 2015):
I tell them that I'm not practicising any other method of contraception so that the condoms are vital to prevent pregnancy. I then start cooing about babies and saying how broody I am.
Either the condom stays on - or the man takes off!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know it's expensive to get tested but it's better to be safe than sorry. Some guys think it's not worth it? Well, enjoy herpes and other STIs away from decent women who want to stay healthy. More than often, one who refuses to get tested HAS an uncurable infection already such as herpes! To name just one. Thank you all for your replies. No glove no love!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2015): I would ask them to do blood work. I'm allergic to latex so no condoms. I have learned that you should be proactive about this. Fortunately I have never been exposed to nor contracted an std. I had testing done after fearing my partner may have exposed me, fortunately it was all negative. I will never trust anyone again with my health. Since I've tested negative I would not do more tests again, no partners since then, unless health insurance pays for it and or I had symptoms suggesting an std.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 January 2015):
 Oh, no it is a whole other topic if you want to use condoms because you expect him/her to be a cheater. That is a constant accusation, and if your trust level is so low, then you honestly should not be in a relationship. Once the tests are done and its all good, then you let the condoms go. Or dont be in a relationship, if you cant trust your partner.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 January 2015):
 I think it's a must with a new partner.
I agree, that I would NOT have unprotected sex with out 2 (TWO) tests done (like SVC mentioned 6 months apart).
And I would NOT have sex without a condom with someone "new".
I see ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong in sharing test results and"demanding" STI/STD testing done. In this day and age, I think it's rather STUPID to NOT ask. And if a GUY gets offended and refuse, then he is out the door. I would off course get tested too. It's a two way street.
One thing though, I would make sure to PURCHASE and CARRY condoms, so there is NO reason to have an "oops we had no condom" episode.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (2 January 2015):
Its in MY best interest to have myself tested. I don't need to be asked to look after myself, I do it on my own because I want to be healthy and I have respect for my sexual partners. Yes, I get tested after each relationship and before any new relationship. Never needed to get asked, it's something one should just do because it's common courtesy.
To insist on using a condom until both have been tested and the results are back, well that's just common sense. Unless you like the idea of getting pregnant/catching and STI.
Getting tested for STI's is just as plain and simple as getting a vaccine when you know there's a flue going around. Except when a flue normally passes, an STI tends to linger for life unless you get tested and treated for it. So you tell me why people get vaccinated, yet getting tested for an STI is supposedly so difficult... Can't wrap my head around that one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOf course I ask for blood tests and condoms. I'm so happy you all agree. But some guys think that I don't trust him if I insist on blood tests and condoms. Or if they get tested they don't want to use condoms anymore. I've been cheated on in the past and in my experience if they don't agree they are not worth dating. I wonder how do you guys relate to it?
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (2 January 2015):
What's wrong with condoms? It is irresponsible to NOT use them until the relationship is exclusive and it is certain thru testing that neither partner has an STD.
And of course I would get tested, what on earth is wrong with that?
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (2 January 2015):
Dear OP,
When I am with somebody new, I insist on using condoms until I am sure they're tested and negative when it comes to STDs. This is also what my gynecologist advised me, and I think it's smart.
After that, when the relationship is really serious and established and there is trust in each others faithfulness, I can discuss other ways of anti-pregnancy protection. Which means that it's a possibility for me to switch from condoms to the pill/nuva ring.
I take STD tests whenever I go to a routine check up at the gynecologist. So I would show the recent test results to my new partner first, and if he'd still insist on a newer test, I'd do it, although it's not my favourite thing to do.
It would disappoint me a bit that my test results are not enough to make him feel secure, but on the other hand, I think that if you love someone, you want to make sure he's as healthy as possible, and I would want to show him that (and insist on a mutual test, too).
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (2 January 2015):
How would I feel if a guy would only have sex with me using a condom? Delighted because it would mean that I wouldn't have to force him into it.
Would I get tested for STDs if asked? Absolutely, because I think that new partners should both be tested before embarking on a full sexual relationship. If I wasn't asked, I'd ask him.
And I am assuming that you're talking about a new relationship (or a rekindled one) and not an established long-term relationship. It would be very odd if a husband of 10 years suddenly started insisting on these things.
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (2 January 2015):
I think it is a good idea, the person isnt necessarily being insulting they just want to make sure that neither of you have caught anything from previous encounters. Some STIs have no symptoms such as chlamydia. Going to be tested together is also a good idea, at least in the future if you caught anything while in the relationship you would know that the other person cheated and it didnt come from you
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 January 2015):
 I always insisted on blood work. No unprotected sex until two blood works (6 months apart) that had no STIs on it.
as long as both parties are subject to the same rules. (i.e. if you ask for blood work need to be offering copies of your own recent tests) then i think it's fine.
I rarely bothered with condoms as I'm older and pregnancy was not an issue due to sterilization but condoms for partners without blood work should be mandatory.
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