A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Recently met this guy who's 31. He's kind, single and I really fancy him. We get on well.However, I'm only 21, and though I'm a nice person I can't compete with a lot of the older women he knows (he's quite borderline flirty with everyone sometimes...) in their 30s, simply because they are more accomplished. I haven't even got a degree yet, though I want to start university in the next few years as a mature student, and am currently working.He hasn't shown any interest in me beyond being friendly. I'm reasonably attractive and could get a guy my age, but I really like him in particular because he is so kind. However he probably sees me as just a little sister/too young to date - he is the kind of guy who goes for maturity/brains most. I have had older guys hit on me before but only for my looks - I suppose younger women can't really match up to older women in terms of maturity/education/career as a general rule. I am thinking of letting him know how I feel, but I don't want to ruin our friendship and I am fairly certain that he will say he sees me as nothing more than a friend. At best he'd just laugh it off (he'll probably do that as he is quite kind) but I'm insecure about not having a degree/going to university late etc. so would feel awful if that happened. On the other hand, I can't stop thinking about him. What should I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2014): Your 21, you have got to use that to your advantage. Dress really sexy or put some tight workout clothes on. Talk to him, whisper something in his ear or even slightly touch him. When you catch him staring, smile at him. You won't to ask him anything at the time it happens.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (24 December 2014):
 TELL HIM how you feel.
the truth is he may like you more than as a friend but with you being younger he may think you only see him as an old guy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2014): I'm 31, my girlfriend is 22. No issues here.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (22 December 2014):
 In your shoes? I'd tell him. (Provided, of course, that he isn't your boss.)
Yes, you risk the friendship by doing so, but you also say you met this guy "recently," so take an honest look at how deep a friendship is actually there to ruin before writing him off for that reason. (Side note, from someone who has been on the other end of this situation, it's really hard to have a non-awkward friendship when the other person is carrying a torch for you, even a "secret" one. Sooner or later you realize what's up and THEN it's really weird.)
Anyway, even assuming you're a completely epic crush-hider and he'll never have an inkling of what's going on in your mind unless you spill the beans, not telling him gets you one of two places. Either you:
a) stand by and watch him date other women until you can't take it anymore and the friendship is no longer worth the pain it's causing you... or,
b) you go on building MORE of a friendship with him and it becomes that much harder to ever work up the courage to tell him if you do change your mind about doing so.
A truly kind person isn't going to think less of you for not having been to college yet, so don't let that hold you back either.
Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes!
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