A
female
age
30-35,
*tarstruck.x.x.x
writes:basically a few months back i met this guy we kissed, then after i found out he was 29 years old and i was only 16 years old. i stopped texting him because i knew it was wrong. but now....I need your help again!! I was out downtown with my friends last night and i saw the 29 year old guy out again. We got talking and he wanted to know why i stopped texting him months ago; i felt bad and didnt tell him the reason, i just said i had to go then i left him. then hours later when i was in another club i saw him and his mates again, this time he came up to me and kissed me and wouldnt take his hands off me. but i was drunk; really drunk and i ended up waking up next to him this morning. yet again he never found out my age (im now 17) and ive received about 6 texts from him saying about how amazing he thought last night was and how he wanted me to come round to his house again today and have sex again.HEEEELLLLPPPPP MMMEEEEEEE!!!! please! what do i do? how can i tell him hes had sex with a 17 year old? and how can i ignore him now? he knows where i live because he dropped me home this morning and we've had sex and it was amazing, i cant help liking him, what do i do?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 October 2010):
 So,the point of your post would be...?
We say dating this guy it's a bad idea, you say no, I'm sure it's a good idea.
We say he is gonna use you for sex, you say ,oh I don't mind, I am happy being used for sex .
( This is rich ,btw : you don't even say " no, you guys are wrong, he is not gonna use me ". You say " I don't mind being used ". Oh spirits of Betty Friedan,Germaine Greer and Simone de Beauvoir- give me patience ! )
Then,- we don't have an issue here , right ?
So... are you posting to keep all of us updated about your interesting sexual life ? Thanks, that's nice of you albeit not necessary.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (1 October 2010):
 I'm sure we will be hearing from you in the very near future, but with an entirely different post.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (30 September 2010):
Starstruck, I have the following question for you:
Why come here and ask for advice when you've already made up your mind about this guy? I mean, you're going to continue being his fuckbuddy, your mom is fine with her daughter dating a guy almost twice her age and you don't seem to really want to consider anything we say.
The bottom line is that you don't mind being used for sex. Well, go ahead then, it's your life. I can ask you to be wise about it (use protection and all that) but that's all I can do.
There are lots of underage girls who get drunk and have sex with whomever they please. I guess you're just another one of them. That's fine, your choice. But most of them end up pregnant or with an STD (or two) and wrinkles at an early age because of the lifestyle. So beware of that.
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female
reader, xAx +, writes (30 September 2010):
 i hope that you at least take on board what your family say. they are older and their main priority is to look out for you when you don't see the bigger picture.
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female
reader, starstruck.x.x.x +, writes (30 September 2010):
starstruck.x.x.x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo it's not like that at all. Your saying I'm going to be used for sex but I'm saying what if I don't mind that??
And there's nothing wrong with my mum; my dad is 11 years older so it's just that she can hardly have a go at me and even if she said no I'm not happy I wouldn't stop seeing him cus she hated my last boyfriend who I went out with for a year and a half; all I'm saying is she's not got a screw loose she just knows there's no point saying to me I can't see him cus I would anyway behind her back. Just like any one else would
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2010): Ah I see what this is now, the more we say otherwise, the more reasonable we are in our conclusions the more you want to do it. You like the danger, the unknown, the excitement.
You're thriving off of everything we say, not because we make sense but because you're delighted you have something to rebel against. You have a point to prove us wrong now the more we say it's a bad idea the more you want to go ahead with it. You're right and we're wrong, that's cool. He's going to enjoy having you as his plaything. Especially seeing as you want to be his plaything.
You're the best type of teenager for older guys to get with because you won't listen to others or warnings, you're a person that will sleep with him to prove the world wrong. He literally doesn't have to do most of the stuff I listed previously. Well good luck to you, this feeling of control you think you have, will be shattered pretty soon.
Look don't mistake my tone as derogatory, I'm not trying to put you down. I really do wish you the best of luck and when this ends I hope it's not as messy as I know it will be. I see now you're the type of person that only ever learns from their own mistakes, even if when people who have experienced things tell you what's going to happen you want to see it for yourself. You're in for a tough life that way, hopefully someday you'll see the sense in learning the value observation over direct experience.
All the best :)
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 September 2010):
Your Mum has a screw loose.
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female
reader, starstruck.x.x.x +, writes (30 September 2010):
starstruck.x.x.x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI told my mum; she said she doesn't mind about the age as long as I'm happy. Yeh I might not be as mature as you lot but I am 17; if it's just about sex then it's just gonna be a casual thing about sex. I'm not bothered to be honest and yeh I do like him but that's not gonna turn into love; I don't fall in love that easily and I'm not that naive to fall in love with him. I know about all the stuff your saying; yeh he's 29 and yeh I know were not gonna be together forever or have kids or get married I'm not saying we will I don't expect to be. I'll see how it goes tonight and we'll sort something out, if it's just sex then I'm not gonna lie but I'll be happy with that. He's decent enough to be fu ck buddies with :P
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reader, xAx +, writes (30 September 2010):
i think what you are doing is very immature. i think that you just love the fact that there's an older guy whose's interested in you.
i think that you are just following your emotions as he makes you feel good.
when i was 17, i had a two 22 year olds after me, but soon i realised it was silly and wrong. yeah, it boosted my confidence, but i knew when to stop and say no. i think the only way you learn is when you will get hurt by him.
for all you know, he could be doing this to many other girls now as well as you. 29 year olds are maturer and know how to manipulate girls your age so be careful.
maybe you should ask what your family thinks about all this?! or just wait a few years...
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2010): I mean time together in person, face to face. You see the thing is Starstruck he is going to act nice, he is going to act interested. He's going to do exactly the things you think a guy should do to be nice to you to ease your mind.
You're not seeing the bigger picture here. Even if you were an adult woman the fact that he's only interested in sex is very clear, the first time you met him you kissed, then you texted a little while. The second time you met "he wouldn't take his hands off you" and you ended up sleeping with him.
Then he texts you 6 times asking you to go to his place for sex and telling you, you're amazing. Sleazing all over you in a bar and then texting you for sex is not how you go about showing a girl you're interested in anything but sex.
Where's the romance there? Where are the dates? Where is the interest in getting to know you non sexually? He didn't even try.
Now I know taking you to his friends place seems like he's trying to get to know you but he's not, he's just figured out that he has to change tactics a little to get you to sleep with him again. He was parading you in front of his friends like a trophy. He has to regain your trust now that you can see he's 29 year that knows he's shagging a 17 year old. He's basically at the stage of face to face time, the phase where he has to convince you he's not some sleazy 29 year old. That's what he's doing now and you are going to fall for it.
He's basically doing stages 7 and 9 right now.
Starstruck you have to ask yourself what you want from him, seriously have a nice long think. You like this guy, you have feelings for him which might develop into love. Now you know a real normal relationship with this guy is impossible, it really is. If all you want from him is sex then fine, why not? Go for it, but I don't think you do, you've already said you like him. You're already finding it impossible to say no to him and he already has you in the confused phase.
He's going to play it slow at first, because he doesn't want to scare you off, but the pressure will mount he's not dating a teenager to share his life with you're not exactly going to be meeting his parents, he's not going to meet yours. What do you think he wants from you? Other than sex what have you to offer him, a 29 year old man, marriage? kids? What are you going to talk about? What have you in common?
You want to know how I know all this starstruck, because firstly I'm a man, I know how we think and act. Secondly I'm a man that has dated lots of teenage of girls. Throughout my 20's that was my thing. I know the process like the back of my hand. I've been both the bad guy doing what he's doing and I've been the good guy that has wined and dined and waited months for sex respectfully building a relationship first (never happens by the way, relationships not for long anyway). I can't take back the things I've done, I'm not proud but they helped teach me lessons which I wouldn't give back.
For nearly 10 years I've dated on and off girls around your age (I've had girlfriends in their 30's and 20's too) and you know what I've learned in all those years doing that?
The biggest lesson I learned is that those kind of relationships are only good for sex. Teenagers don't have the emotional, mental or life experience to satisfy the needs of an adult man. Intellectually the differences are too big, the age gap means the things you have in common are too few to last more than a few weeks. You can't meet their parents, you can't hang around with their friends because it's embarrassing and teenagers talk about the most inane crap anyway. You're in different stages of life, teenagers are in a state of constant flux, their life is rapidly changing and they're still growing, whereas the older man is settled, has a job, career and car. You can't do things as a couple in places where you know people because again it's embarrassing, although if you want to impress a teenage girl doing that is a great trick. You have to sit there an listen pretend to be interested in things that she's interested in, things that seem new to her but are old and boring to you.
Bringing them to meet your friends is okay because they'd love to be doing a teenager too.
But at the end of the day it all boils down to sex. This is probably the most important thing that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that it's unworkable, if you didn't fancy him, if he was fat and ugly would you consider making friends with this guy, would you make friends with a 29 year old man? When you answer that question and you figure out the reasons you couldn't be close friends with a 29 year old man, then you'll figure out why this isn't going to turn out well for you. Because if you can't have a close friendship with a 29 year old stranger then the only thing left is sex.
That's how I know he's using you for sex, because nothing else is practical.
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reader, starstruck.x.x.x +, writes (29 September 2010):
starstruck.x.x.x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm just wondering aswell what you mean by face to face talk/time?? Cus I'm thinking when were together how else would he act??
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female
reader, starstruck.x.x.x +, writes (29 September 2010):
starstruck.x.x.x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok we'll see won't we :P nah i do think your right, fair enough if he is just after sex. ive got school to be thinking about anyway so its good that im not getting into a proper relationship; maybe it will be good to just have a casual thing, i dont know but im going to find out :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2010): I said public, anywhere public. A friends house doesn't count as public, his friends are only too delighted he's getting some fresh young pussy. As I said, he has to have as much face to face time with you as possible.
You're gonna do what you're gonna do, I wish you luck, because it's gonna hurt like a bitch when you see I'm right. But you'll learn an important lesson so it's not all that bad.
FYI: All the signs are already there.
I give you 2 - 2 1/2 months with this before your heart is broken, it pretty much never lasts longer than that for the girl to figure out what's up.
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female
reader, starstruck.x.x.x +, writes (29 September 2010):
starstruck.x.x.x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCerberus - thanks for the advice. but i just wanted to mention your point about how if your trying to get with a teenage girl then you dont take her to places apart from to a bar or to your flat but i met up with him last night and went to his friends house; so i just wanted to say that he might only want sex but he clearly doesnt mind me meeting his friends. and nothing happenned after; he dropped me home.
i'll take into account what youve said and yeh i'll look out for the signs but in the meantime ill just make my own mind up....as naive as that sounds
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female
reader, RennieGeek +, writes (28 September 2010):
Cerberus is right. He's totally playing you. All of that information/advice is the most sound I've heard yet and it's coming from a man!
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (28 September 2010):
I fully agree with Cerberus here. You're falling for his manipulation with your eyes open. At your age, age gaps like these are a difference between day and night. Picture yourself at his age. What will be your job and home situation. Draw it out in your head. Then picture going out with someone 12 years younger than you. Wouldn't that creep you out?
This guy has got the best of both worlds. A hot young thing who does whatever he wants and no responsibility. Because it's the forbidden relationship he doesn't have to do all those things normal couples do, because god forbid someone finds out! All he needs to do is goad you and that's it. Don't be a toy.
"I'm not young enough to know everything". Think about that quote and you'll understand why a lot of teens are perceived to be naive.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): Read the last part of my first post again, isn't he doing exactly what I said he would do. He's only after sex, forget what aunt honesty said (no offence) but she doesn't know what she's talking about here. Reread my first post in it's entirety. He's playing you, without a shadow of a doubt. If you tell him to wait for sex then he might say yeah but only so he can, in person, convince you to have to sex with him again. He'll always either want to meet in a bar to get you drunk or ask you to go to his house.
He's made it absolutely clear that's all he wants, from the beginning, now he told you that you were too young, so why has he changed his mind? No it's not because he likes you, it's not because he wants a relationship because that can't happen, you're not an adult yet. Do you really think he's going to take you home to his parents? Do you think he's going to go anywhere in public on a date with a 17 year old?
No he's not, he's 29, where are you going to go? Hang out at the mall? Go to the cinema? to mcdonalds? Hang around with your friends? No, the only places he'll want to go with you are his house, or the bar and then to his house or invite you to go for drives with him, all these are lead-ons to sex.
I wish the others would start giving you some sane advice instead of some stupid romanticized view of what's going on. You're not an adult and he's not a teenage boy.
He's a 29 year old man using a 17 year old girl for sex.
I told you he'd say you were too young at the start and I also told you he'd "change his mind" now I'm telling you the next step is to tell you that the age gap doesn't matter, that he's had some time to think and you're just soooo special and so sexy and soooo mature for your age, he just can't help himself. Get used to that by the way when he pressures you for sex the "I can't help myself" line, you're going to hear that a lot.
Now you can try the "no sex for a while" thing but he'll just be patient and keep trying to convince you to go back to his place and you like this guy so much you're not going to say no. You can't even stay away from this perv as it is.
Okay let me put it like this, steps for using a teenage girl for sex:
1. don't ask her age and don't readily give your age
2. hope she or others will lie about her age (if she's in a bar you have an excuse because of the age limit in bars)
3. If you find out her age tell her she looks older and acts really mature for her age (this will come in handy later)
4. Tell her she's too young, this gives her a taste of losing you, gives her a sense of injustice with the world (something teenagers thrive on)
5. Give her a couple of days to let these feelings turn into hopelessness which will also give her time to get the longing for forbidden fruit, the excitement of doing something that's wrong, something her parents would disapprove of.
6. Just when she's about to give up tell her you've had time to think and the age gap doesn't matter because you really like her, she's special and REALLY MATURE FOR HER AGE (the sense of relief and joy that this gives the girl will have her eating out of the palm of your hand, she will feel special, she will feel excited that you're willing to go against the grain to be with her but still a little apprehensive)
7. It's important you get as much face time as possible, so you can convince her what everyone else is telling her (your using her) is wrong. She will have all sides telling her this because it is true. So you have to constantly reassure her about this, which is better done face to face because you can play on her emotions. She's a teenager so you just use what we know all teenager girls want to feel, mature, older than they look, special, important to someone and above all excitement. Pretty much all the sweet talk you want because they won't have heard it before especially compliments, use all the corny movie lines you want, she won't know them and think you're sweet and original. Pick up on her insecurities, teenagers are very susceptable to emotional blackmail they won't have the same kind of coping mechanisms or have dealt with as many forms of it as you the older man will have so you're at a huge advantage.
8. Taking this girl out in public is not really an option unless it's to a different town or city, so plan trips or just bring her to your house. Make every excuse you can as to why you can't go to other places. Always create dates where she can easily be led back to your place.
9. It's important she thinks you're not using her for sex again this is easy to accomplish because as a teenager she will still take words as the true gauge of feelings and intentions so just tell her what she wants to hear over and over the more times you say it the more true it becomes for a teenager because they have not yet learned to distinguish behaviours or signs otherwise, they are impressionable and easily led. Again face to face time is essential for achieving and keeping this trust. You have to constantly work at this to offset the rational advice of her peers.
10. Confusion is a key ploy in all this, teenagers are still growing, they're hormonal and generally confused anyway so play on that confusion by changing your mind often about things. Giving then taking away, keep them constantly on their toes the loss/gain technique is great for getting what you want from them. They'll do just about anything if you make it seem like they have to keep you.
11. Play the "I'm an adult looking for an adult relationship" card when they refuse sex, it rarely fails because it plays to the teenagers overwhelming desire to be treated like an adult.
Now I'm not writing that as an instruction manual for guys to do this, I'm writing it like that because you don't want to listen to what I have to say normally. I'm more writing that so when he does those things hopefully you'll remember them and you might at some point go "oh right he is using me"
I know you're just going to go ahead and keep seeing him, he already has you eating out of the palm of his hand. I think you're going to find out the hard what this guy is doing but I hope you just don't get too hurt when you find out he is for yourself. Frankly I'm shocked none of the adult women who have posted here mentioned any of this to you because surely they've gone through similar things themselves, they seem more interested in trying to make this work out for you, When from everything you've posted it is clear you have no idea what you're doing, have no idea how to handle or maintain an adult relationship nor have you any idea of the practicalities of this at all.
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reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 September 2010):
 Only one way to find out darling, tell him that you would like to spend some time with him and get to know him but that you dont want to have sex with him again for a while until you get to know him more, like going on nights out to the movies or clubbing ect. You will soon get the answer you are looking for.
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reader, starstruck.x.x.x +, writes (28 September 2010):
starstruck.x.x.x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey :) thanks for the advice, i wouldnt quite say i was in love with him; i cant stop thinking about him but i wouldnt say that was love.
i received a text from him saying he thinks he did the wrong thing and that it doesnt bother him about our age gap as long as he can still see me.
i may sound naieve or even having to ask but do you all think this is just another 'i want sex so i dont care your only 17' situation ? ? ?
i just dont know whether he means it or whether he just wants sex. hes a decent looking bloke and im wondering why hes going for me, a 17 year old and not a gorgeous 29 year old woman? is there something wrong with his choice? like should i be suspecting hes perhaps just into younger girls or whether theres more to it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): Hey, personally i dont think age matters i think if you are inlove with him and want to be with him and he feels the same then tell himmmm! if he feels the same way none of this would matter to him. Your 17..at the age of 16 it doesnt matter hu you sleep with :] i hope everything works out.
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reader, starstruck.x.x.x +, writes (27 September 2010):
starstruck.x.x.x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI haven't heard anything more from him since and hope that it does stay that way :) thanks all for your help I really appreciate it
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2010): Flynn 24 nobody labeled him a sex offender. Nor did I say I say what he did is illegal nor immoral nor that ephebophilia is wrong.
The person we are giving the advice to is the 17 year old in this case not the 29 year old. This isn't his question, this isn't a "I slept with a 17 year old, I thought she was older now she likes me and wants to see me what do I do" question. We're giving her advice designed to protect her not play his side and tell her it's okay, he's not using her because he is. Regardless if he thought she 17-18-19-20, he knows she's young and just wants sex from her.
We all know people can make mistakes and mistake age plus we all know there are people out there are absolute idiots and don't know anything, but this isn't one night in a bar, this is texting, driving home, this is a lot more than a drunken mistaken age for him. He knows how old she is because she's spent more than just time with her drunk.
Which is the safest presumption for the OP in this case? When you know he won't want anything but sex, when she has already stated she likes him? When she has the potential to be used here, what kind of advice do you think is going to sink in to a 17 year old, who could very easily get hurt by this guy?
I'm in my 30's and when I started dating my girlfriend of 4 years she was 19, so the age gap is similar. So I find nothing wrong with age gap relationships between adults. But starstruck is not an adult. There would be something wrong with my approach though if it had been the same as him, picking her up in a bar for sex, then asking her over for sex and nothing else. I was friends with my girlfriend a long time before we got together, I never actually considered dating her because of her age, but we slowly fell in love with each other before anything intimate happened.
This isn't the right time to debate the issues related to guys dating teens, this is the time to give starstruck a firm warning that this guy is only going to hurt her because he's a sleaze. Now you want to tell a 17 year old he's not such a bad guy because there's nothing wrong with what he's doing, then fine, I feel it's safer for her to presume that 29 year old guys that pick her up from bars for sex know how young she is and are playing games using her.
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female
reader, starstruck.x.x.x +, writes (27 September 2010):
starstruck.x.x.x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey again, I agree with flynn he can't get pinalised for what everyone is calling 'date rape', fair enough he 'preyed' on me as your all calling it but I was just as willing to go through with it as he was (albeit if I was drunk)
He replied saying 'sh it I didn't realise, I'm sorry but 12 years is too big of a gap and your too young for me, amazing night tho xx'
I didn't expect much more than that really and I can understand where your all coming from and I think that he was just approaching me for sex but it was a good night and I enjoyed it, now time to take some time for myself I think!!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2010): There is no way to tell a woman is only 17. They look 18, which is perfectly legal.Plus you identify as British, so you can bed whoever you want from 16 onwards as it is in a civilised society, which trusts its people to be able to make that decision by that age.Seriously, there is no real difference in the mannerisms these days of a drunk 20 year old or 17 year old. They generally all act and talk the same.I'm sorry but saying we men have this innate ability to tel is just flat out lying. More than one guy has been duped and fooled in this manner.It might be a little weird, but there really isn't anything wrong with desiring a pubescent girl or woman. Men are wired in our brains and gene-code to do so, because they are the most fertile and likely to create a healthy child. That's nature.The only illegal thing happening here is the drinking. Which is 18 years old in the U.K.Now the guy DOES sound sleazy, yes. But a guy can act like that around older women just as easily and when drinking, the sleazy often do. This has nothing to with bedding anyone of any age.Sorry, I just take offense at labelling someone a sex offender if he beds someone who is above the age of consent in a completely consensual encounter, not to mention where its entirely possible he was not aware of the other guilty party's age.Flynn 24
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reader, Mwah! +, writes (27 September 2010):
 Most men wouldn't condone what happened to you. Dan Savage, the sex columnist, would probably say that you were date raped. I would. You were unquestionably preyed on by a real piece of sh it. It is not your fault that this guy took advantage of you while you were drunk. He definitely knew better than you. Your drinking irresponsibly doesn't give anyone license to take advantage of you: to do so is date rape.This guy is a sleazebag. Sorry my response is too late, but for the benefit of future readers I had to amend the answers. Dateline just did something like this on what would you do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2010): Trust me, it doesn't matter how old you look, we guys can tell by your mannerisms and behaviour that you're a teenager. Plus teenagers never look older than teenagers, being told you look older by people is just petty compliments, the same as people will tell you that you look younger when you're 40.
Only two guys posted replies to this question, you should trust us when we tell you his intentions. You should trust us when we tell you he knows your age already and is playing dumb to get a teenager into bed. Most of us have done it, it's the oldest trick in the book because it always works, always. Need proof? Just look at the answers from female posters, none of them even considered that he already knows your age, it didn't even come up as an issue. In fact they're looking for ways for you to tell him.
Because if you play dumb then you're not at fault for anything, girls can't blame you for getting with a teen girl or be disgusted by it because you "didn't know" then if you really want to continue sleeping with this girl then you play the "I know it's wrong but she's/you're special, I can't help how I feel" card, again this always works because every teenage girl like yourself craves the feeling of being unique, special and so sexy that we guys are willing to go there even though we know it's wrong. Very conceited I know but it's how it goes.
I'll let you in on a little secret, bedding a teenage girl is a badge of honour amongst us guys. Most guys see nothing wrong with leading on a teenage girl because we know we can't have a relationship with them because it's unworkable and taboo but we can sleep around with them and get pats on the back from other guys. It's one of those things most guys are jealous of if you manage to do it. We don't feel any shame in it and we don't see anything wrong with it either. Any shame or guilt we show is false, and is only there in order to keep our noses clean but when we go back to our male friends it's all high fives.
The guys with morals that aren't like this wouldn't have bedded you in the first place, because we can tell that you're teenager and will go find someone our age instead.
It doesn't matter what your cousin told him, that just feeds into his game, again he can just play the card he didn't know but trust me he did know, now if he wants to sleep with you again he'll respond by saying you're young but he likes you. Or he might say you're too young, then text you in a week or two with a change of heart.
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reader, xAx +, writes (26 September 2010):
keep us updated to what he replies back to you after you told him you real age!
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reader, starstruck.x.x.x +, writes (26 September 2010):
starstruck.x.x.x is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni text him asking if he knew how old i was and he said yeh your cousin said you were 22 and i asked her and she said yeh i told him you were 22 last night. so i text him again saying 'i'm 17; i didnt realise you didnt know my real age, i do really like you but im not just up for sex every now and again''
now im waiting on a response :/ thanks blackhearts and everyone else for your help, i really appreciate it.
ive clearly made a mistake but im not going to regret it; i do really like this guy and im not worried about people finding out, its no skin off my back :) but i dont want people to think i do this all the time because i dont like i said ive only ever slept with one other guy, cheers for the advice tho x
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2010): Another thing, this guy doesn't seem like he has much respect for you to be honest. He's asked you to go to his house JUST for sex, so he JUST wants sex from you. I don't think he'll really care/mind your age when it comes to it anyway.
I mean, if you only want sex out of this guy too and no relationship then carry on.
But I reckon he knew your age -- around that age anyway. Unless he's completely stupid. Either stupid, or already knew.
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reader, starstruck.x.x.x +, writes (26 September 2010):
starstruck.x.x.x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey :) thanks all for your messages. ive had quite a few texts from him today; not replied to any, i thought it was best to get some feedback first.
i do really appreciate you all giving me advice, most of it is really helpful so thanks.
blackhearts - the first time we met i was with my cousin and her friends and all of them are 23/24 and i do always get told that i look older than most of them (it may sound unbelivable cus im only 17 but i promise you i do look so much older) and the topic never really came up. i only found out his age after we met the first time and i looked him up on facebook (sounds stupid but i was just too scared to say to him; look im sorry but im only 17).
i guess i just like him so much that i dont want him to reject me (eventho its inevitable)
and blackhearts - i dont sleep around with people, ive only ever slept with one other person before who i dated for over a year. its just that because i had met him before that i let him touch and kiss me i guess.
thanks for all the responses tho :) im going to text him about it now. thanks again xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2010): He knows you're around that age and doesn't care simple as that. Why do you think he's never bothered to find out your real age? He's found a young girl to have sex with, he's not going to ruin that by asking you your age.
Look as long as you're okay with him only wanting sex from you and nothing more then don't worry because you're legal age now you can do what you want, if however you want some kind of relationship with him you're just going to get hurt because he's only using you for sex.
Look starstruck, he's 29, he's not an idiot he knows you're very young and hasn't found out your age so he has a get out if you're actually illegal. You need to tell him your age, he won't mind how young you are because he already has an idea in fact he's loving the idea of having a girl so young, but you need to stay away from him because you actually like him but you can't have a relationship with him as he only wants sex from you. Really that is all, he might try and feed you some bullshit about being shocked about your age but don't believe him. He knows.
Ask yourself if you're okay being a sex object for a 29 year old, someone who can't care about you because you're too young. You're not even an adult yet, that tells you a lot about the kind of person he is because let me say it again, he does know how young you are.
Now you know a relationship is impossible with him, it can only ever be sex. If he says otherwise he's lying, trust me he'll probably say anything you want to hear just to keep you sleeping with him. Don't believe me? Well he's a 29 year old man that knowingly took advantage of a drunk teenage girl. That's enough evidence of the kind of person he is.
You should just tell him to stay away from you, tell him your 17 and your dad found out and wants to know where he lives. Tell him you won't tell your dad where that is if he stays away from you. He should get the message then.
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reader, candygurl +, writes (26 September 2010):
Its best to tell him the truth because if he's really feeling you like your saying then it shouldn't be a problem expecially if you want to be in a relationship with him. It could go either way he could accept the fact that u were honest and continue seeing you or realize your to young and move on. I just hope he's there for you and not there for the sex
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2010): Tell him, he has a right and deserves to know. How old does he think you are exactly?
Just explain to him how old you are and it's the reason why you stopped texting him in the first place.
I'm a little worried how you're drinking so much and going to night clubs (as you're under age) and ending up in a man's bed the next morning. You're too young to be in that environment, as I've experienced myself.
You should stop drinking so much and think before your actions!! You're lucky he text you again. You'll find if you do stuff like this a lot of men won't text you at all and you'll have some of the biggest regrets of your life. Just, be careful and use protection!!
But yes, you have to tell him.
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reader, Baybiegirl +, writes (26 September 2010):
 Well, I've been in the same situation. I was 13 and I ended up dating a 23 year old and he had a kid, we didn't do anything but I do know how you feel. You need to let him know. I know it will be hard and he may not like it at first but give him time and he will come around to realize his feelings for you. If you two are meant to be together then things will work out.
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reader, RennieGeek +, writes (26 September 2010):
You NEED to be honest with this guy! Even though you consented he could be arrested and put in jail and on the sex offenders list for this if anyone found out and wanted to press charges for you, even if you didn't want them to.
This is very serious, and honestly I think if you can't handle yourself while drunk you need to stop drinking. You used being drunk as an excuse and that's not a good sign. If you can't make decisions you think are right while drunk, you shouldn't be drinking, you may end up doing much worse.
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reader, aunt honesty +, writes (26 September 2010):
You need to be honest with him, text him back and tell him you are being distant as you are only 17 and you dont no how he feels about the age gap, if he doesnt mind then neither should you. Just be honest with him and if you like him go for it, you arent harming anyone.
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