A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a bit of a relationship problem with an interfering woman.I have been with my partner for over 3 years now. Things are great between us, although he has slipped up twice, never cheated on me (once was a dating website with a guest profile and once was sharing a bed naked and drunk with a female friend at the very start of our relationship). I know he truly loves me, and we have worked through our issues and i have forgiven him as i trust him, so that is not the issue.However, recently, a girl has come into the picture. He works in customer service and works late nights, and is a very chatty, friendly person so he has a lot of friends. He always tells me about his customers and their stories, anyway this girl i'm pretty sure is into him. I know she comes by his work to talk weekly, and once they bumped into each other in the city and hung out and exchanged numbers and whatnot. The other weekend, she texted him at 1am, "hello, what are you up to".Partner replied saying he was out with his meHer: "do u wanna come over"?Bf replies: "We can come over for a bit if you want"Her: There is only one double bed.Bf: I love my gf and would never do anything to hurt her, i want you to know there is nothing sexual between us just friendship. Where is your boyfriend tonight (she had previously told him she had a boyfriend).Her: Okay. I made him up. When are you coming over?(One second later) "Tell me" (getting impatient)Her: Dw i have friends coming over now anyway.Him: whats your address, we will come over in a few hours (after a mates birthday)Her: Hurry up, i have to go to bed soon i have work in the morning (**this was after she said she only had one bed and that she had friends coming over**)Him: Ok dont worry about it.Her: You should still come over.What do you guys think about her actions. I know she is from a different country and might not have the best English but it seems like she is completely ignoring the fact that he doesn't want anything to do with her sexually and that he is taken and is being very pushy about it. What should i do? She seems like a consistent liar too. I just want her to back off, and my partner is the type who wont be mean to anybody, he will still be nice to her, which will just lead her with false hope thinking he is into her when really he is just a friendly person. I know he is too nice to tell her to back off, and i know she hasn't because she still texts him all the time.That night i asked my partner if he would ever go over there if she invited him and he said probably, on the terms that nothing happen, even though it is clear what she wants and i know when men get in sticky situations they don't have much willpower. Asking somebody to come over at 1am? Come on, we all know what that means.I need advice!Ive considered texting her telling her to back off but i don't know i don't want to go behind the back of my partner and i know he still sees her as a friend.
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cheated on me, drunk, exchanged numbers, liar, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2010): "That night i asked my partner if he would ever go over there if she invited him and he said probably..."
Explain to your boyfriend that this is the wrong answer. The correct thing to do is to let the girl down lightly but firmly, "sorry but I'm taken and my girlfriend is the jealous type" or something. Being a boyfriend isn't only about sex, so it hardly matters that "nothing happens".
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (6 September 2010):
 You know what is going on because I assume he is telling you and showing you the texts. The fact he is communicating about it suggests he is not going to cheat or sneak around your back. I think it is up to him to deal with this woman. If you start calling her saying 'back off' then it isn't very dignified. She maybe a woman of low morality who doesn't see his relationship as a problem, but he obviously values you immensely. I think that as long as you trust him then leave this matter to him. She maybe just chasing him because he is unavailable - the thrill of what you cannot have and all that. Stop worrying and start feeling proud that you have found yourself a partner with integrity.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2010): Sounds like she wanted a booty call
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A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (6 September 2010):
I agree with Jmtmj. Don´t involve yourself into this. That would imply that you don´t trust him to handle it well and this will hurt his feelings. Also, taking action on your own can only backfire as you will show yourself to be the insecure, jealous gf. You don´t want that tag.
Just tell him you like how he handled that text exchange and leave it at that. Show him you trust him and love him and he won't dream of cheating on you with this manipulative girl.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (6 September 2010):
 Your boyfriend sounds like a good guy and he handled that text conversation pretty well. As soon as he had a good indication that she was after something more than friendship he lay it all out for her and shot her down instantly. Good man.
If your boyfriend is one of those guys that has girls falling for him left right and center then you're going to go insane if you feel that you need to fend them all off. You trust him and he seems perfectly capable of fending off the riff-raff himself, so provided he doesn't find himself drunk and alone at her house at 1am, I wouldn't bother losing sleep over this. If she doesn't take his hints, she's certainly not going to take yours.
So go box a punching bag or remind yourself that he loves you and that the silly cow is wasting her time trying to steal him away from you.
Best of luck :)
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