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My dad's 35 year old friend (a teacher) is flirting with me

Tagged as: Forbidden love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 October 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 15 October 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Gah, I hate talking about crap like this but I'm going to anyway lol. Ok, so there's a guy that lives below us, and him and my dad are really good friends. He's about 35, not married, and I've always had a really big crush on him. Then last year, he started teaching at my high school and I have him next semester. I've personally always thought it was odd when people "fell in love" with their teachers, but I guess I'm being kind of hypocritical now. Me and him are extremely close (I mean in a friendly, our dads are friends kind of way.) I also hate to say it, but he favors me a lot, and I don't even have him yet. He's always offering to give me rides home from school, and he always stops me in the hall and talks to me, and I don't know, it just seems like he flirts with me I guess. I would never consider risking his career or either of our reputations, but I don't know how I can stop liking him. Also, for the record, I'm not one of those people who think their in love with their teacher, or think their going to end up marrying them. I guess it's just where I feel so comfortable around him. Or maybe it's because all of the immature guys that I've dated, and he's older and...well....yeah. Any advice is appreciated(:

View related questions: crush, flirt, immature

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2010):

First that Kesha song "Mr. Watson" come to mind, lol. I don't see anything inapporiate and talking. Anything can be taking as flirting. I doubt he drop her home to have sex with her. Heck she lives upstairs if that the case. Darn now that song is stuck in my head. I doubt his job is in danger for chatting with his friend daughter. But he is a man so always keep that thought in mind!

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (15 October 2010):

tennisstar88 agony auntAgreed with Maverick494...Let him know that his friendly gestures the school board will deem inappropriate and terminate him. Also, teachers and students will start to notice and talk if word already hasn't gotten around.

You're 16-17 so you'll graduate in a few years, then you can possibly get to know this guy a little better.

Or maybe it's nothing more than he doesn't really know anyone in the school and he feels comfortable around you since you're his neighbor.

Another thought that came to mind, although you are mature for your age and no offense, what would a grown man want with a teenage girl? I mean he's old enough to be your father. Now would your father approve? Maybe he's looking at your maturity or he's a creeper. I could be wrong.

Just wait till you graduate and see how things go..a lot could happen in the next 1-2 years.

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A female reader, maverick494 United States +, writes (15 October 2010):

You seem very reasonable and mature for your age. Ofcourse I don't have much room to say that since I'm just 22 myself but you're one of the few on here who knows exactly what's at stake here.

This is a hard one. There's obviously attraction between the both of you and both of you know it's wrong for the reasons you mentioned. I don't want to get all Oprah and go I-so-know-what-you-mean but I've been in a similar situation. After 2 years, I'm still attracted to him. I think there isn't much you can do to change the way you feel except waiting for it to ebb away or have it replaced by a stronger attraction for someone else.

As long as you don't act on it and he doesn't act on it you should be able to get along without having something happen that you'll both regret. If he makes more obvious moves towards you, put him in his place by reminding him of the age difference, the risk of losing his job and how your dad would feel. As I said, you seem very mature for your age and trust me, that's not something I say often. If he can't be mature, you have to be.

Try to be available to other guys so you won't get tunnelvison. You need to be able to look around or someone who may really rock your world will pass by unnoticed. Honestly, I don't know what else you can do.

Good luck and tell me what you do and how it works out!

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A male reader, ivanichiaynus United Kingdom +, writes (15 October 2010):

 ivanichiaynus agony auntYou were friends before he joined your school, so why break up a good friendship now? If he wanted to come on to you in an inappropriate way he would have done so before now, so it's unlikely that he will do so now, especially as he will be your teacher.

You ARE allowed to have friends on the staff, especially as it was a pre-existing friendship - just don't take it any further, for both your sakes.

Ivan.

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