A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please help me. I got married 5 months ago. My husband is easily angered, abuses me, and sometimes he physically beats me in the process. He can be happy when he is happy, but can be very very angry when he is not. During courtship, I didn't quit the relationship because I saw some good qualities in him like avoiding sexual activities, strong will to succeed, and after every blow up, he would be really sorry and would vow never to do it again. But amazingly, he has not changed, not at all, even though we go to a church that sees these behaviour as a taboo, even though he is the person that broke my virginity, yet he accuses me of having a boyfriend outside. He gets angry everytime we are trying to iron out issues and will pour curses on me. Unlike when we were courting, he does not apologize anymore, and is so full of himself. We both are electrical engineers, but I don't have a job yet. He does, so he will always batch it on me that all I do is eat his food and sleep. Meanwhile, I am restless about my joblessness and I don't ask him for money, rather I am always content with whatever is available.I do not want a divorce, and I do not want a secret affair elswhere, but please tell me how I can manage our relationship.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): hI
You are been too soft and you in time will find that he get's worse. He is wrong and you need to decide what life you want....sadly others can see what your life will be like if this abuse does not STOP now.
Chance! talk to him seriously ...say what you mean and mean what you say and if he won't stop this behaivour...find a man who will give you a good loving future.
OR you can MANAGE as you say....creeping on egg shells...never a free expression of opinion or emotion...pleasing him untill nothing is enough...
Is this the life you want?
It is fine seeing the good qualities in a person but the BAD also needs to come to light and be SEEN BY BOTH, to recognize and change the bad. Forgivness is good but what about correction?????
I wish you well and hope life treats you good...but YOU have to treat YOU good first...do you deserve this, and are you willing to accept such a low deal?
spunky monkey.
A
male
reader, Love-Wisely  +, writes (27 January 2011):
 Tell the men in your family about the beatings. Have them come have a talk with him. Warn him: you will call the police from now on if he hurts or threatens you. Warn him: you will also alert yours/his family. Advise him: he must attend anger counseling to stay together with you. If this fails, you have no choice but to go through with your threats, leave him, and get a restraining order.
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A
male
reader, Liebes Kummer  +, writes (27 January 2011):
Well, i'm sorry to hear of the pains you are experiencing after just a few months of getting married.
I would have adviced you to leave him immediately but, you stated that you do not wish to do that.
As far as i am concerned though, a man who lifts his hand to hit his wife isn't worth his salt.
I don't know the resources available to you guys but, your husband needs help, and he needs it fast.
He needs to go for counseling. You mentioned that you guys are members of a church; well, make an appointment with the pastor.
Sit down with your husband and calmly explain to him how much distress his anger is causing you. Then tell him you guys need to go for counseling.
If he refuses to go, you may have to rethink your stand on not wanting to leave him.
I'm sorry, but without help, violent people never change. He may apologise and all that but, believe me, he will do it again.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): He won't change. Let's get that straight for a start. Once a wife beater, always a wife beater.
If you don't want a divorce that's your decision, but basically you're lining yourself up for more of the same treatment if you don't get out of the marriage.
Over to you. Your future is in your own hands.
Phil
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