A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was with my now ex boyfriend for just over 3 years. I met him when I was 19 when we met and he was 21. I fell completely in love with him. During the 3 years I tried to be the perfect girlfriend. (I even paid his bills when we broke up) He got me pregnant twice in the 1st year, I had an abortion and it put a strain on our relationship. In the 3 years he cheated on me more times then I can count. We broke up and he would always come back to me and I would try even harder to be a better girlfriend. I should also mention that one time we broke up and I swallowed a bottle of Tylenol.A year ago in November we broke up for the final time. I spent weeks in bed crying not being able to eat or sleep, until I finally booked a trip in December because I couldn't function anymore. When I came back I went on facebook and his status said he was in a relationship, I confronted him he said he only put that because he was getting it on. We were still sleeping together. On December 28th I was in a car accident later that day I seen him driving with a women. I confronted him he told me the reason why he was with her was because she was the mother of his 2.5 year old daughter. I balled my eyes out for 4 months I thought he was finally the man I always wanted him to be for someone else. He was still trying to sleep with me and I degraded myself twice and slept with him. Then in March I couldn't take it anymore and told him that if he contacted me ever again that I would tell his girlfriend. We didn't talk for a month and then he contacted me I so I told his girlfriend everything. He hated me and I didn't talk to anymore until one day I get a text from a # I don't recognize. I call the # blocked and it turns out to be him. July 15th I'm at a concert and I get another text msg from a # I don't know saying “looking good”. Turns out to be him. Being drunk and angry I call him to bitch. I ended up at his house and we slept together. He had broken up with his girlfriend who he was living with. I asked him why he lied and he said it was because he wanted to make it easier for me to move on. He said that he had fucked up so many times with me that I made him want to be a better man and that's why he tried with this other women but he still would cheat. We continued to sleep together and he was honest with me about not wanting a relationship. But all my feelings came back and I wanted more. He told me that he wasn't even talking to his ex girlfriend anymore. Then on Friday I went 7 hours out of town to visit him on the rigs because he hasn't been home in a month. He went to work and I was creeping on his computer, I found a forwarded email from his ex girlfriend sent on October 29th the original email he had sent her back in March about how much he loves her. She wrote the subject “look what I found you were everything I wanted." He wrote back October 30th "Pretty sure you still are.” Monday I was getting ready to go home and he was sleeping I wanted to see if he was lying so I looked on his phone and seen texts msgs to the ex. I got so pissed off so I texted her from his phone saying it was me and that we have been sleeping together since July. Then I texted her from my phone and asked her to wait until I left. Of course we both confronted him he wouldn't respond to me at first but he told her I was lying. Then when I talked to him he told me that he doesn't give a shit about his ex but that he is never going to want to be in a relationship for at least 5 years and that I need to move on. Even he has said that I'm to good for him and that I am far beyond the best looking women he will ever get. I know I need to move but I don't know how. I know that I deserve better then him but I don't know why I can't just hate him. I don't know why I want him to love me. He has shattered my heart. I don't know how to be happy. I want to stop crying. Can someone please tell me why I can't move on?
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male
reader, Love-Wisely  +, writes (22 December 2010):
 Your love is not easy to flip off like a switch. That's a good thing. You aren't going to be able to "snap out of it", don't expect yourself to. Because you're emotionally stunned right now. If you want to let go be patient with the rawness for at least 40-days. It will get a little easier. Then, expect it to take months more to recover after that. Try to focus on what's healthy for you emotionally.
When you think about him, think about a possible history of past lies. -What does it take to 100% regain your trust? Is that an opportunity you're willing to give? If so, how easily? What's the maximum amount of time you will place into a painful and hazardous romance?
A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (22 December 2010):
You say you don't know how to move on, but you do know how to move on, you just don't yet have the strength to do it.I read your message and I felt very sad for you. You must feel like absolute crap. It is not unusual for people who are treated badly to want that person to love them even more but there needs to be a point in which you won't take any more crap and move on with your life! It sounds to me that you might be at that point, because otherwise you wouldn't be writing on here.What once was a love story with you and this guy has turned in to a sordid and quite horrible experience. I think you know that the only way you are ever going to get over this is to totally remove him from your life and never, ever, get back any kind of relationship with him. You will never be able to move on emotionally until you are able to accept that a) you have been treated like shit by someone you love and b) you know that you deserve better, and there is better out there. One day if you put all this behind you, you will find the right kind of man for you who will want you to be number 1 in his life. But this will never happen whilst you remain in this situation. Just imagine explaining all this to a future guy who loves you, it is quite some story to swallow. Think of your future and put a close to all of this bullshit.
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