A
female
age
30-35,
*endraNicoleCuster
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. We have lived together before and currently live together again. I believe that I am transitioning out of the honeymoon phase (he did a lot earlier than i did) and I don't know how to handle this. We are comfortable together and I don't feel the butterflies or that so so so excited feeling anymore. He is everything that I could ask for in a boyfriend (besides some romantic stuff I'd like) so I know that it's not his fault. This makes me feel like I don't love him anymore. I began having anxiety attacks, bouts of depression, and emotional numbness. Before this happened, I knew for sure that I loved him and was perfectly happy. But now, I feel content, not really excited anymore, but I am also not fulfilling myself in my own life in any way and am discouraged about my own future. How can I get these doubts to go away so that I know I love him and can be happy again? Is this just me being unfulfilled myself and not letting myself be happy? Am I just overreacting because this is a natural stage in a long term relationship? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 April 2013):
 I think if every time I saw my husband or heard his voice I got butterflies in my stomach I would be crazy. After time, a comfortable feeling within a relationship is normal. The loss of butterflies is normal and expected.
You say he is everything in a boyfriend you could want except some romantic stuff… like WHAT? Because I will tell you that while it may not seem important now, if the romantic stuff is how you define if he loves you or not, it may be very important for you to have that “romantic stuff”. You are correct that it’s not his fault if you need/want something that is not in his nature to provide. You may benefit from reading “the five languages of love” which explains that different folks express love and interpret actions as expressions of love differently.
The anxiety attacks, depression and emotional numbness however are NOT normal feelings when it comes to a relationship’s changing role in your life. If these negative feelings are specifically surrounding your relationship with your bf, then maybe the relationship is not a good one for you.
IF you feel content but not excited, that does not mean you do not love him, it means you are comfortable and getting settled.
You go on to say I am not fulfilling myself in my own life in any way and I am discouraged about my own future. THIS statement is NOT in any way shape or form related to your concern about your love for your partner. Loving a partner is very different and unrelated to fulfilling yourself in your own life. Education, work, friends, hobbies… all touch on your relationship with your partner but they can be independent of the relationship.
Doubts about the future in general will fall away with time and maturity. Those are normal for folks NOT in relationships.
Doubts about the relationship may be related to your unrealistic expectations of what a relationship is about.
If your doubts about your future and your happiness are correlated in your mind with you being with this man in a relationship, you have to figure out how to separate them.
A
male
reader, Love-Wisely +, writes (26 April 2013):
 You are asking one of the most important questions of all relationships.
If you survive the initial loss of your love high, you are in a long-term relationship. It's a mysterious stage... I've seen a great couple together for years --suddenly revert to friendship. So it's possible to have almost everything you want in a relationship, and not make it far past the honeymoon phase.
Patience, loyalty, effort, and life in general make or break the relationship from here on out. Definitely a good time to work on yourself more. Finish that old book. Start that project. Spend more time with family. Take some classes. See what time will tell.
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