A
male
 ,
*a
writes:Me and my girlfriend have been going out for 3 and a half years. She is 3 years younger than me and is my second girlfriend but only one where it was serious (1st relationship lasted 2 months). I mentioned this to her and she didn't see it as a problem although mentioned that she was fairly experienced. Although she was happy when I told her that it was in past and didn't want to get details from her. Last week we were getting stuff for new house we are planning to buy and then, by coincidence, we bumped into an ex of hers. I was a bit startled as not only did he look like a biker and built like a tank but he was also nearly 10 years older than me (although he seemed like a friendly person when speaking to him). After we left I asked her when they dated and she said a few years before we first met but it was nothing serious and just a bit of fun. It's been about a week now and it's still getting to me. My girlfriend can tell something is wrong but I just say I'm having a few problems at work. I'm partly torn in that a) it brings back to the front that I'm still pretty bad at sex and also she had more fun than me before we met. Also the fact that one of her exes is much older than me. I don't really know what to do.
View related questions:
at work, her ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2016): Partners with different sexual histories are not always the best matches. It's common sense but people have become too politically correct to admit it nowadays. There is no need to read too much morality into your differences. It's just compatibility, no better or worse. Even if all the problem areas were erased from both of your memories you would still be different people. It takes naturally different people to amass different histories and those experiences can widen the gap even more. Political correctness demands that everyone blame the less-experienced partner for any problems the past causes. Many people are very quick and eager to point out the upsides of more experience but they illogically protest the idea that it could have downsides. That makes no sense and its not being fair to less experienced people. The only answer for you is to either deal with your GF's past (mostly in silence) or break up. There can be no in-between. You can (and probably should) tell her how you are feeling but DO NOT dwell on it. And contrary to what your instincts might be saying now, finding out more details from her will probably NOT help anything AT ALL.
A
male
reader, Love-Wisely  +, writes (17 September 2016):
 This is a good example of why knowing anything about ex's is usually a terrible idea. In your case, it couldn't be helped, but really the best silver lining here is this: now you know without doubt that handling information about ex BF's is not for you. I greatly dislike it myself.And, I have met a friendly built biker ex bf myself. The circumstances were different, but it was not an enjoyable feeling. Women do have a wide range of options, but every ex no matter the type, can be disturbing for different reasons. Try to brush it off, but allow yourself time to fully process this emotionally.I do not recommend mentioning any thoughts or feelings you have on this subject to your GF. Instead, act like he was nothing, and have the best sex you possibly can with her in the meanwhile.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (16 September 2016):
 Her past experiences have made her the person she is today, the person you (presumably) love. She has chosen to be with you, not one of her ex boyfriends (including this guy).
Sounds to me like you are very insecure. Perhaps you need to share this insecurity with her so she can reassure you?
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 September 2016):
 If am being honest I don't understand what the problem is here. So he is older than you why does that make a difference? As long as you are all adults why does age matter?
Also who actually told you that you are bad at sex? Did she tell you this or are you just judging yourself? Maybe you are being a bit to harsh on yourself? The thing is sex is not all that makes a relationship, it is lots of different things. Also who says she had more fun with him that you? Is she telling you this or are you just fabricating it completely from your head? It sounds like you may be your own worst enemy. Being off with your girlfriend over meeting her ex is going to put a strain on your relationship. You shouldn't lie to her, be honest tell her you feel like you don't live up to her ex and allow her to reassure you that she wants to be with you, maybe that is all you need.
...............................
|
